The Chronicles of Chris

Winter is Senioritis Season

2012-02-12T14:17:00.000-05:00

It's been well over two weeks since I've blogged.

Life drags on in college. I have a schedule written out in Google Calender which, despite playing fast and loose with some parts, is still extraordinarily repetitive. Maybe this is what some would call "senioritis" but I am just so tired of it all. I have a paper due on Tuesday just like I have had papers due on Tuesdays for almost four years now. I know that it is three months to graduation, three months until I never have to spend a day in academia again, but the whole "just hold on, it will be worth it in the end" argument is so desperately unfulfilling. Possibly the most unfulfilling aspect of that particular argument is the uncertainty of the future. Yes, I am struggling through four years of college and graduating with two degrees--both writing, my passion, and psychology, my hobby and "practical," job potential creating degree--for my future. The problem is that, though my college education is for my future, there is no promise of this education actually being worthwhile for anyone other than myself.

I am happy for the things I have learned in my time at Houghton. I love the way my writing has been challenged and improved. I am fascinated by what I have learned in psychology. But, on June 9th I get married and no amount of skilled writing or fascination with psychology will feed my wife. Well, it would if my writing could sell or somebody was interested in hiring someone without a masters in psychology. I guess it's just hard to go on doing schoolwork that makes me miserable when the only good I see coming out of it is a piece of paper.

So why am I writing yet another whiny blog post? Well, I'm a whiny person. Also, I was watching House today and episode 15 in season 6 ("Private Lives") is about a blogger who, like I used to, blogs about everything. I used to blog about every thought and every feeling. All my thoughts and concerns were public and out there and just not bottled up in my mind. It's a weird thing to do, but it helped me a lot. So I guess I, once again, have decided that blogging is good for me and I should make it a part of my life again.

To top it all off I just don't like winter. This is a terrible time of year. I can't walk to class without my skin stinging. I rarely see the sun. Seeing Jenny becomes an ordeal. I can't open my windows. I can't smell grass, or dirt, or trees, or anything. In the spring everything is green and brown and strongly scented with the smell of life. In the summer everything is warm and bright and you move until you lie down to let the sweat dry. In the fall the air is nippy and crisp and there is a rich decaying smell in the leaves. Winter is death. There is a layer of scentless, lifeless snow covering hard ground. And that's it. It's all dead. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of death. Sick of emptiness.

So, that, in essence, is why I don't want to write my paper. If only writing whiny blog posts could convince professors to let me off the hook. I'm going to go cook myself some lunch now and try to be productive.

Driving Me Crazy

2012-01-27T17:43:00.000-05:00

Hi, I'm a 22 year old man without my driver's license. I know, I know. Shocking, right? What kind of man am I, what kind of human even, to not have gone through the essential rite of passage like the rest of the world? That seems to be the attitude in America at least. Throughout high-school I lived in Estonia so I couldn't really get an American license and it would have been a huge pain to get an Estonian one. For the first two years of college my parents still lived in Estonia so, despite being in America, what state would I get my license in? Plus, Houghton is in the middle of nowhere so it's not like I can just hitch a ride to the local DMV. But now I am months away from graduation and marriage and, unfortunately in my eyes, I must get my license. Jenny, my fiance, doesn't have her license either and one of us has to do the driving to get to the honeymoon.

All that to say I got my permit and I've been practicing. Ideally I'll be getting my license in April so I need to get used to driving now. It's not that I don't know how to drive, I just need the hours to make it second nature. The biggest problem facing me right now is that driving terrifies me. My heart races the second I go over 45 MPH or I see the headlights of another car coming towards me. I know that I am most likely pretty safe. I mean, I am a very cautious driver, and I assume the other drivers on the road don't want to die either. I just can't drive without a huge adrenaline rush. Yes, it's a thrill. I do enjoy the adrenaline rush. But it's also scary.

I think there's a reason why it's a good idea for people to get their license when they're 16. When you're a teenager you're rash and stupid and believe you're invincible. When you're 16 you're unafraid. Now I am 22 and I have a fiance and a lot of future to live for. Ugh. I guess I'm just a scared old man now. Oh well.

I would apologize again for not blogging consistently but I know if I do that every time I don't blog consistently I'll probably have a long, annoying apology every post. That said, sorry. I just blogged.

Back Again

2012-01-17T17:17:00.001-05:00

Well, I haven't blogged since last Thursday. I'm doing pretty badly at this whole "every day" thing. My personal word count for the day is already nearly at 5000 just from homework and I still have to write an article for The Star, Houghton's student newspaper. Basically I've been too whiny and busy to write.

But that is no excuse! I really want to get back to writing on here. Ugh. I have things to blog about and I will get back to this.

Just to throw something out there I can tell you a little bit of what I've been busy with. I am a supervisor at Phonathon. The Houghton Phonathon is, aside from the best job ever, a job where students call alumni, family, and friends of Houghton to raise support for student scholarships. Not only is this clearly a cause I can believe in, but has also been my job here at Houghton since, according to my blog, September 3rd of my first semester. That's almost four years! This past year I have been working as both a caller and a shift supervisor which has been one of the most enjoyable experiences of my life. I love working with the other callers and I love being a leader, at least in that setting. It's hard to explain, but I really enjoy my job. I'm good friends with my boss, Heather, and I like most of my coworkers. That's why I've been working extra lately. Phonathon just recruited nine new callers and they all need to be trained up and put to work. So I've been helping out with that. Other than classes and homework regular work has been the big thing going on in my life lately.

So, lamest blog post ever. This reminds me why I stopped blogging in the first place. Life in college is so dreadfully mundane. It's a series of routines and boring school things. Ugh. I'll find something interesting to blog about for next time. But for now I must go. I have class at 6.