With the Methodists, life is always a party.

Well I just got back from the Methodist church youth night that all us cool salvos go to once a month and had such an interesting bunch of stuff happen I thought I’d blog about it. So anyway, let me see, what interesting happened…Apples, oranges, foosball, fruit, and that poor, poor girl…Okay, all done! What, you want more? Geeze, you are so demanding! Okay, whatever. I’ll give you what you want, because I’m such a kind person who loves you. Anyway, first thing…Apples. Well, actually, the oranges came first. But anyway. We played two great fruit games! First with oranges, we split into three teams, each team getting a nice big orange. We then had to put the orange under our chin and pass it, chin to chin, from one end of our team to the other. Sound awkward? Oh yeah! I was standing between my friends Evelin and Taavi, and this would already be awkward enough, but add on the fact that Evelin is so much shorter than me, and Taavi is a guy…I mean the game made it necessary to press your bodies together to pass the orange, so with most any girl I’d be more than fine with it. Not that you can really take time to enjoy it, you have to concentrate too hard. Of course Evelin didn’t mind because she’s so in love with me she’s been dying to find a way to get that close to me. I’m joking, but I know if Evelin ever reads this I’ll get a black eye. And Taavi was disappointed because that girl he had his eye on was on the other team, so he’d have no chance to take an orange from her. Well tough luck. But more on the two of them later. So that was a very fun and awkward time, we never did manage to get the orange to the end of the line without cheating. So of course we lost. But I still had loads of fun, and we all had loads of laughs. Evelin kept laughing because when I took the orange from her my facial hair tickled her neck. I had never realized how useful facial hair could be! Now I’m going to get two black eyes, even though this is true!

Anyway, the next fun game we played required three pairs to come forward. Taavi grabbed and dragged his protesting and embarrassed love interest forward, hoping this would be another game that caused close physical proximity. And since I had been competing fiercely with Taavi all night I politely asked the only girl in the whole place I’d trust not to trip me up, Evelin (I won’t get black eyes now, right?), to be my partner. So we stepped forward and I was handed an apple. The game was explained. Quite simple really. One of had to peel all the skin off the apple with our teeth. But there’s always a catch. I couldn’t touch the apple. So Evelin held the apple and I tore huge chunks out of it and chewed it enough to swallow it without killing myself. Evelin had a great strategy though. She turned the apple as I bit, and I kept biting until my mouth was full. So before I had filled up my mouth once, a quarter of the skin was gone. The other teams lost horribly. Eating is my specialty. Poor Taavi, after mouthing “Your going down!” at each other I’d expected a better competition. But apparently being fed an apple by a girl you are trying to impress is difficult. It’s hard to act cool, be a gentleman, and stuff your face out of someone else’s hand all at the same time. But I had no one to impress, I already know I’m oozing coolness no matter what I’m doing, and I love eating like a pig! I just wish that type of piggish speed eating attracted girls…

Anyway, what’s next? Foosball! Yay! Every time we go to the Methodists we play foosball. And I always rock. I give my little plastic team pep talks and tell them strategies and act like any good coach. Then I grab the sticks they’re stuck on and get spinning! But tonight I faced a sickening combo. Evelin and I teamed up again (we were on a roll, apples and oranges!) and faced the most fearsome duo I have ever foosed a ball against. Vesse and Priit wiped the floor with us. Their little plastic dudes were like blurs, spinning and jumping back and forth. It was scary. Then Vesse got tired and let his brother, Eero, take over. Now I faced the most hilarious duo ever. Eero has a well earned reputation as a cheater. And every time he does cheat it’s always hilarious. I’ve learned some great Uno moves from him. All cheating, but still great moves. So when he came he brought his cheating ways with him, grabbing our little men, blowing on the ball and putting his hand in front of the goal. But rather than being irritating like it would be if anyone else did it, it turned into the ultimate cheat-fest! “Screw the rules, we’ve got good senses of humor!” was our cry. My ribs hurt from laughing, and tears squeezed out of the corners of my eyes. It was a great time. The cheaters lost of course. But we were all cheating so…we all won! Does that make sense? No? Good!

What’s next now? Fruit! As you may have noticed we had a kind of fruit theme. That’s because we talked about the fruit of the spirit. And one thing we did was to split into teams of 5 and cut out little fruits and write a fruit of the spirit on each that we thought best went with our team mates, and also write one for ourselves. And the cool thing about this was that I wasn’t sure what to write for any of my teammates, I hate these types of things because what if I say I think somebody has peace, and then they read that and yell in a really un-peaceful way, “You stupid little idiot! I don’t have peace! I’m kind and patient! I’ll smack you so hard…” but with my friend Priit I felt like I should put Ustuvus, Faithfulness. I wasn’t quite sure why, but it seemed right. And for myself I put Rõõm, Joy. Because I truly feel that more than any of the other fruits of the spirit I have joy. “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart! Where?” Anyway, then when it came time to give out our fruity messages I was pleased to see that Priit was the only one who had written Joy for me. And I was also pleased to hear that he had put faithfulness for himself. We each got each other dead on. Is that cool or what? It must mean I have psychic powers and…no, it’s just cool.

Anyway, my final thing is “that poor, poor girl” I’m not talking about Evelin. She’s that lucky, lucky girl. She got to give me an orange! I see black eyes in my future. I’m referring to Taavi’s love interest. As you may have noticed, I’ve left her nameless because I don’t know her well enough, and because what I will say may embarrass her. I actually feel bad for Taavi too. Let me describe this girl. She’s the perfect height, with a perfect body, perfect face, perfect hair, simply oozing feminine fertility and sensuality. Now I must note that this is not because she tries for this. I don’t mean she dressed to show off her great body, and tried to look perfect. She just was. I’ve seen very few girls like this. In fact only two, including her, come to mind. And against a girl like this most guys are powerless. We are struck by an instant infatuation. And will act completely uncharacteristically stupid to try to impress this girl, a goddess of beauty who we long to worship. I’d be caught in this deadly trap too if it wasn’t for the fact that I have intensely trained myself against just such a girl. I’ve had this infatuation with divinity before and it just left me feeling stupid. And also I’ve grown the wisdom to become more than a gorilla, because if I were a guerilla I would quickly assert myself as the dominant male by kicking around the competition. So I pity Taavi. And understand his plight. But I also pity this goddess, because unlike the goddess I encountered, (who was also a goddess of pain who once told she was such a jerk to me to help me, she was toughening me up. Well I guess it helped, I’m tough now, even in the face of such goddesses) she wasn’t trying to be a goddess and play with us guys like puppets. She was just trying to enjoy her time with other Christian young people. So my heart goes out to her. I considered apologizing to her on Taavi’s behalf because he didn’t realize what an idiot he was being. But then I realized no matter how tough I may be, I too had been affected by this incarnation of feminine beauty, and I just wanted an excuse to talk to her and play the gentleman by apologizing. So instead I played some more foosball, tried some ping pong, and then walked with Evelin and Priit to the tram stop.

Oh the tortures of being male. It must be so much more simple being a gorilla. We, as humans, have the burden of intelligence. And because we have intelligence we have a responsibility to use it. Well I’m sure there’s some goddess out there somewhere who has been waiting for a guy who can eat an apple like a pig…

Every night I face my worst fear

No, I’m not afraid of the dark…much. It’s not a fear of being alone, in fact sometimes I think I could use a bit more “me time”. It’s a fear of myself, and my mind. In the dark of the night is when I am truly alone, with the light of the full moon glinting off the winter snow as my only companion. And when I am alone there is only one thing to do. Think. Explore the dark corridors of my mind, which is just as filled with traps and mysteries as the mind of Yami. And I am my own worst enemy, so these times of deep thought are usually also intense internal struggles with some aspect of myself that I have only just discovered hidden in a dark crevice of my mind. And even when I sleep I explore my mind. In fact, through sleep I can achieve levels of exploration previously impossible. In my dreams I walk the dark corridors of my mind fully unarmed, with no escape. If I’m awake I can escape anytime by distracting myself and thinking of something else. But in my dreams I am trapped. Last night I had one of these mind exploring dreams that was quite interesting, and made me face my worst fear. And, as with all things that make me think hard, to help me process it I’m blogging about it. Let me tell you about it.

I stood in a lush green field filled with other young people my age. In front of us was an enormous mountain, with it’s top high in the clouds. The sides were sheer rock as flat as a wall and there was no way of even dreaming of climbing it. But on the side of the mountain was the purple and gold Houghton College sign. And I knew that Houghton was on top of this mountain. A young man walked to the front of our group, a cool and capable looking guy with skater cargo pants and a T-shirt with some cool writing on it, and faced us. He said “well, to get to Houghton we’re all going to have to grow wings.” “Grow wings?”, I thought, “That’s impossible, there must be another way” but before I could object, a beautiful and confident looking girl next to me stepped forward and slowly two beautiful white wings full of pure white feathers grew out from the back of her tank-top. And one by one all of my fellow students grew wings and flew off, up to the brightness on the top of the mountain. And I tried and I tried but I could grow no wings. I tried flapping my arms and was laughed at by the few that remained. Finally they all flew off and left me completely alone, staring at my shoes and feeling horrible. I knew it was because they were better than me that they had wings and I didn’t. And I knew there was nothing I could do about it.

Then I woke up, looked at my clock. It was after 1 A.M. I went to the bathroom and then went back to sleep, mostly forgetting my dream. Then when my alarm went off I woke up with the dream burning in my mind. So as I went through the day I kept it in the back of my mind, working on it subconsciously. When walking to the Methodist church with Anneli for bible study we got into the topic of dreams (she’d had an odd dream about a mutual acquaintance, who we haven’t seen in a long time) and I told her about mine. And she when she casually remarked “Maybe it means something…” all the subconscious thinking bubbled to the surface and I realized what the dream was, and I needed to blog about it. I had faced my own worst fear. I don’t fear death, I fear pain very little, and the future doesn’t exist, there is only the present, so I try to keep my mind in the present. I fear my own inadequacy, my own worthlessness. In the dark of the night the worst thing I face is my failures. And my biggest fear about college, and for most of the world, is being inadequate. Like many homeschoolers I fear that since I didn’t study Martian nuclear aquatic astro-physics in school like everyone else did I’ll end up looking stupid, and failing everything. Now for the most part this is irrational. I was accepted to Houghton. But it’s still my greatest fear. There are so many areas where I feel inadequate, from math to handwriting, that I feel like I’m too stupid to do anything. Because I can’t grow wings. But recently I’ve made a motto to arm myself with as I go out into the world. “Be Tenacious” What does that mean? Here’s a few definitions I found for tenacious, “stubborn, resolute, steadfast, true, persevering, persisting” So if I can’t grow wings, I’ll make them. Or I’ll grab the foot of one of my flying classmates and hang on until I reach my destination. Or I’ll take a knife, and hack hand and foot holds from the bottom of that mountain all the way to the top. I’m tenacious, and despite my insecurities and fear of inadequacy, I will doggedly fight on until I get where I’m going, destroying any obstacles in my way. And lucky for you, I’ll write it all here, so keep reading!

Chris
“Be Tenacious”

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

That's today! Today is the day when we remember a great guy who fought for social reform and racial equality by, well, not fighting! And so today I read all of John Howard Griffin's "Black Like Me", a great book. I have always been very anti-racist (see my posts about FaceBook being schoolist) and respect these guys a lot. I don't have a lot of great deep stuff to say, but I do want to qoute something from the book. John Griffin was staying at a Trappist monastery and had this conversation with a monk.

"Do Negroes often come here as guests, to spend a few days, Father?" I asked.
"Oh yes," He said. "Though I don't suppose many reall know about this place."
"This is the Deep South," I said. "When you have Negro guests, do you have any trouble with your white guests?"
"No...no...the type of white man who would come to the Trappists-well, he comes here to be in an atmosphere of dedication to God. Such a man would hardly keep one on God and the other on the color of his neighbor's skin."

I don't know about you, but I think that just about sums it up. We need to have our eyes on God, and if we're focusing on him, skin color, which doesn't matter anyway, won't even be noticed.

And on that note...

That's why I'm good with the ladies. Yo...pull my finger...baby! This ties in with my previous post...kinda.

Hmm, Paramore…paramour…anybody else make that connection?

I think that obviously we were all supposed to. Paramore: A cool band who’s main singer has flaming hair. Paramour: An illicit lover. But anybody, I stopped watching music videos a while ago because I can’t find anything half as cool as Linkin Park’s “In the end” music video with the flying metal whale. That was mockery by the way. But I really am disappointed with the whole music video industry. Every time I watch a music video with one of those million dollar budgets I get a little sick thinking “while children die of hunger and a lack of clean water we’re spending millions on three minute videos that have no real positive impact on the world.” So I stopped watching music videos. But the other day my friend Keit was telling me about the Crushcrushcrush music video and I was like “Crushcrushcrush? I love that song! Why is it written as one word? Who knows? But the song rocks, let us go watch the video on YouTube!” So I did. It was interesting. I felt ashamed for ever thinking Ms. Williams hair was natural. That must be some funky wig. I’m joking, but the color is definitely not real. It was funky. But another thing that makes me slightly sick is watching bands smash their instruments when our corps praise band could use them. And also the money it cost to buy those instruments could do so much in the right place. But I still liked the video overall. But then I decided to watch the video for their big hit “Misery Business” which has a line very close to my heart “Second chances, they don’t ever matter, people never change. Once a whore you’re nothing more, I’m sorry that’ll never change…” it’s cruel but I deeply understand the sentiment. But that’s beside the point. The video started and I was like “Whoa! ADD!!” it was all moving cameras and flashing colors at the beginning. Sure it was eye catching, but it hurt your head to look at. And then I didn’t really like the video. I can listen to the song and sort of block out it’s true meaning, but the music video makes very clear what a large portion of my experience, and some of my classical reading (Go Mr. Chaucer!), has taught me but I still hate to believe. All women are self centered brats to whom men are simply pawns in a game where the ultimate prize is complete superiority. And it doesn’t matter how many hearts (or necks) you have to break to get what you want, you’ll get it. Now I’ve figured out this isn’t true of all women. But I’m still searching through the millions of girls between the ages of 16 and 20 who inhabit Earth to find someone worthy but so far my search isn’t going well…Oh well, there’s always the future. I don’t know what I’d do if I meant a good girl anyway, besides what I already do with my friends who are girls. So it’s probably better for now if I avoid any heart or neck breaking situations until such a time as I find a girl who will only break my neck, because that can heal.

Anyway, because there a few non-demon spawn females out there I’m going out to the library today with my friends Anneli and Evelin. Who are female, in case you didn’t get that. At least I’m supposed to go to the library with them. I’m waiting for their phone call, and right now it’s alternating snowing and raining outside so we’re all going to be walking. So we’ll see. But I feel that right now I just need to make one little statement to clarify. I think my blog very often comes of very misogynistic when I don’t mean it to. And sometimes I do mean it to. But I just want to point out how lucky I’ve been with women my whole life. I’ve seen the good, the BAD, and the ugly. And I’ve had the wonderful blessing of having tons of girl friends. Not tons of girlfriends, but tons of friends who are girls. Depending on who you ask I’ve had two girlfriends, but Anneli would claim other. But no matter who you ask you will know that I am always spending time girls. And I think it’s been great for me. When I first moved to Estonia I was terrified of girls just as Martians fear Venetians, or whatever you call people from Venus. But through 3 years worth of have mostly girls for friends I’ve gotten much more used to women. And they don’t freak me out anymore. But I’ve also learned a lot. Girls aren’t all the Tennyo (Celestial maidens) that I once thought they are. Just like angels can fall, so can women. These pictures of human beauty and perfection rarely are. And I’ve learned that there are piles and piles of girls, I believe the majority of girls, who would break my, or anybody’s, heart and neck to get what they want. But thanks to the few good ones I know I’ve still kept faith that there is a Tennyo out there somewhere for me. But seeing as how Tennyo is Japanese, I doubt I’ll be finding one any time soon.

But that’s enough obsessing about girls. Those of you who are guys are saying “who are you to complain, you’re planning to go out today with not one, but two beautiful girls!” and those of you who are girls are either sharpening your pitch forks or trying to legally change your name to Tennyo. Mostly pitchforks though. Anyway, I smell bacon, and I’m starving, so I much go. Cya!!

And once again the universe bends to my will…

Well not quite. Not my will. I’m just quoting Achilles De Flandres, the quite literally homicidally insane preteen trying to take over the world. I am not trying to take over the world. Nor am I homicidal, though I may be insane. The universe has not bent to MY will, but it seems that somehow the cosmic scales are tipped in my favor. This may have to do with the fact that the guy holding those cosmic scales, who also created them and me, is also my commando supremo who I serve unconditionally. And so as a servant of God and something of a scholar of theology (thanks to my mother’s influence) I can recognize when God is using his divine omnipotence to make me extremely happy. Making me extremely happy may not be his only aim. Thought I’m sure that he’s glad that it’s a byproduct of his supremely awesome plan. Anyway, I could go on rambling about how great God is (which I just might do later) or I could tell you what he did that’s so great. Did if finally get a girlfriend? No, far from it. Have you read my last 2 blog posts? I’m thinking I may have to become a monk or a priest or some other permanently celibate servant of God. No, it’s not a girl. But what are the three main things I talk about on my blog. Besides my facial hair, my anti-patriotism, and how much I want a girlfriend. Well, it’s about video games, my love of writing, and my need of a job. And God, in his divine glory, has worked out the most amazing set of coincidences to combine all three things to make me very happy. Let me tell you the story in all it’s lengthy glory. That way you’ll understand how amazing it is.

A few days ago I got an E-mail with the subject line “MegaGame” and, my heart quickening in my chest I opened I first. I had hoped it would be someone from the MegaGame game shop here in Tallinn. Maybe offering a job. Maybe asking why I haven’t been coming to Yugioh tournaments lately. But apparently MegaGame doesn’t value it’s customers that much. What it really was was a quick message from the owner and president of www.megagame.com “The Ultimate Gaming Source” asking which MegaGame I was referring to in one of my September blog posts where I was talking about wanting a job here at MegaGame in Tallinn. Of course they gave that job to some bored looking chick. But because of the brevity of his E-mail and because my post had been one where I was whining for a job (which was why my E-mail and phone number were in the post) I answered that it was the game shop here in Tallinn I’d been referring to. But that if he was looking for employees I was extremely available to work for him and his ultimate game site. So after many E-mails shot back and forth I have gotten a job writing game reviews for www.megagame.com’s new game review section. Which hasn’t been set up yet. Because it didn’t have a reviewer a week ago. But now it does, me! Through the miracle that is my blog I was found and given a job. The pay isn’t amazing but I get to keep the game and I’m happy with things as they are.

Can you believe that? Through the coincidence of a company name…wait a minute. Allow me to make an interesting guess at God’s will on this one. On how he worked out this miracle through a string of “coincidences”. I’ve been playing Yugioh on and off for years. Why did I start playing? Because it was a fun thing to do with my friends. But then I moved to Estonia and didn’t play it for a year. Then through some of my friends it was revived and I played again in Tartu. Then I moved to Tallinn and again for a year I didn’t play. I waited, after the theft of my cards I prayed for God’s guidance. Is a children’s card game what God wants me spending my money, and more importantly, time on? I prayed that if I found a certain deck then I would know it was God’s will for me to play. Across 2 continents I never found it until God’s timing was just right. Which started me off thinking about a job at MegaGame here in Tallinn. Which made me blog about it, which made the president of www.megagame.com contact me which got me this job and…how will he continue this? As with playing Yugioh for 6 years, maybe I won’t see how it ties into God’s plans right away. But I’m sure in some miraculous way it will. I do not deign to guess.

But anyway, I still haven’t come right out and said why I’m so ecstatic about this. Well it combines my two loves. No, not girl avoidance and nerdiness! Video games and writing! I’m going to get paid to play games and write about them. Getting paid for doing what comes naturally. Wonderful. Not everyone is happy though. My parents would rather I write for www.armybarmy.com’s JAC (Journal of Aggressive Christianity), and have been training me to be the next Billy Graham. But I’m headed more towards the next Bill Gates. As long as it’s a BG…but I’ve never understood why I can’t integrate video games and serving God? I always have, and will continue to. But my friends are excited. And so am I. I can’t wait to do my first review. Whenever I write a review I’ll put a link to it on my blog so you can read my thoughts on video games. Or if you hate video games then don’t click the link. But now I’m tired, and must sleep. Good night!

An apology to slugs...

I feel completely stupid now and have realized I will never understand women (by the way, I am not calling women slugs and I am not sexist) and will always end up looking like a bumbling idiot because of it. I went out to the library with my two friends Anneli and Elis, and as we walked I discussed my last blog post with them. I had thought that since the two of them are some of the strongest personalities I know they’d say “Of course we’d just say what we feel rather than playing stupid hint-dropping mind games” but I was quite surprised when both of them agreed that no, confusing hint games are the proper thing for a girl to do when smitten with a guy. And not only that, but the guy should return her hints with some hints of his own. I was thinking along the lines of walking up to the girl that’s smitten with you and if you like her too walking up to, clearing your throat and saying “Uh-hem, (HINT HINT) I think you’re very nice (HINT HINT) And I like you a lot (HINT HINT)” and punctuating every “HINT HINT” by elbowing her lovingly in the ribs. If it’s possible to elbow in the ribs lovingly. And if you don’t like her walking up to her and clearing your throat before saying “Uh-hem, (HINT HINT) you look horrible in that dress (HINT HINT) and I think you’re a horrible person (HINT HINT) and I don’t like you so get a (HINT HINT) and BACK OFF!” punctuating all the “hints” with rather less loving elbows in the ribs. Now before I get lynched let me just say I was only joking. The only time I’d ever be that mean is…well, I don’t think I’d ever need to be that mean. Just like violence is never the answer, being a jerk never helps anything. Unless you’re trying to win “Jerk of the Year” award, where it helps greatly. So back to hinting games, Anneli reassured me that I hadn’t even begun to figure women out and I still have much to learn. And so now that I realize that a face future full of women who act in ways that my low intellect cannot fathom I simply give up trying to understand and hope for the best.

The whole idea that I need to be constantly alert for hints is disconcerting though. When discussing this with Anneli our conversation went something like this…

CC (Chris Clark): But what if the guy doesn’t return the hints?
AA (Anneli Aavik): Then he obviously doesn’t like you.
CC: And what if he doesn’t get the hints? What if he doesn’t know you’re hinting at him?
AA: Then he wasn’t paying enough attention to you and didn’t like you.
CC: But what if he’s just really thick? Or really stupid?
AA: Then that’s his problem.

GIRLS WILL ALWAYS CONFUSE ME! How is it the guy’s problem? If someone tries to send a messenger and the messenger isn’t received because it was sent inadequately who’s at fault? The person who didn’t receive the message? If a blind man receives a letter is it his fault he can’t read it? There are huge flaws in both my analogies of course. Again proving that girls are always right. Girls messages are never sent inadequately and at least the blind man knew he got a message, he just didn’t know what it said. Ahh, life. I will grumble and complain about my lack of understand until the day I die. And you will read about until the day you get sick of it. But anyway, I’m done blogging now. Now the world has been fairly warned. If for some reason I act culturally inappropriately or I break your heart without even noticing or knowing please forgive me. I’m thicker than a wall and this whole thing confuses me. I’ll try to blog about something less confusing next time. Cya!

Should girls be slugs?

Hey, I haven’t blogged in a while. Well actually, not true. I blogged twice, but both posts I didn’t want to use just yet. One was sickeningly over confident about something wholly unsure, the other was cryptically negative and fearful about the same subject. But I’ve been busy. But today I couldn’t resist blogging. Today I was doing schoolwork and I put down my book for a quick stretch break. I cracked my neck, back, fingers…moved my sleeping legs a little…and picked up my copy of “Passion & Purity” by Elisabeth Elliot which I just got for Christmas. My parents are obsessed with giving me books like this because they’re desperate for grandkids. But I read them anyway. And I do the things the book says not to do. No really, but I do usually find some pick up lines. Anyway, I was tired and wanted a break so I flipped to the “Contents” page and picked out the chapter entitled “What women do to men” because I thought, well, women do let’s of thing to men? Which thing are you talking about? Confusing us? Frustrating us? Making us suicidal? I hate that song…anyway, the chapter was about the idea of how women should not initiate, and how they should be so meek and mild and slug-like and pathetic. It didn’t say it in quite those words but anyway…in a fit of righteous avoidance of school work I wrote my thoughts as follows…

I totally disagree that girls should never initiate and just wait around for us guys! Know why? I don’t know about every guy, but I personally am cautious when it comes to women and because I know they are emotional in ways I don’t understand no matter how infatuated I may be I would not risk the friendship by suddenly announcing “Hey baby, you’re hot stuff, I’m madly in love with you.” And also if I really deeply cared about a girl I’d be too worried about hurting her with my bumbling male stupidity. I still feel I can’t speak for every guy. But I can speak for myself. I almost said “us guys…” but instead I will say” I am thick”. I will not catch hints, no matter how obvious, because even if I did catch a hint I’d be too worried that I was simply misinterpreting some sign of caring friendship. So I personally would beg that please do be obvious. If you’re madly in love with me, say so, because I won’t catch a hint. And I hate all these things telling women to be all submissive and meek. Maybe I’m the only guy out there who doesn’t want a wimp for a wife, but I don’t. I want a supporting wife. I want an agreeable wife, not belligerent. But not completely submissive either. If I’m wrong I want to be punched in the nose. That’s what I want my wife to do. If girls never initiate how will I ever know what they’re thinking? Am I a mind reader? If girls are always waiting around for me to make the first move than we’re both going to grow old together, WAITING! I agree that women shouldn’t be manipulative and use their womanly powers to be controlling. But they shouldn’t be slugs either. So now once again I show the world why I will probably never get married…I just called girls slugs…ugh.

So there’s my thoughts on the subject. Please feel free to comment in as belligerent or slug-like a way as you like. Or if you are madly in love with me then let me know. Don’t hint. Because “Chris I think you’re a really nice person” might mean “Chris, I’ve fallen madly in love with you” to you, but to me it means “Chris I think you’re a really nice person” Anyway, I have work to do now, Cya!

Think Da vinci’s “Mona Lisa” rocks? Check out this chick.

Isn’t it beautiful? I was searching for funny anime pictures on Google the other day (always a fun thing t do because there are some really funny, creative things out there) when I found this, another depiction or the three legendary Sannin from Naruto as teenagers. As I looked at this picture, and laughed at the funny though bubbles above each Sannin’s head, I slowly fell in love with Tsunade there, so I cut her away from her two unworthy companions, inverted the colors to make her look cooler, then reversed it and placed the original and my new creation of beauty side by side. The Mona Lisa sucks, but this Anime masterpiece I could stare at all day. I can’t quite make out the artist, but it looks like it says “Jo Choob” So Mr. Choob, if you’re reading this, your picture rocks. Your art skills are super special awesome. By the way, if any of you know a chick that looks like that and would just love to marry me I am SOOO available. Tsunade the teenager rocks!!

Anyway, as you can see I have once again fallen in love with the impossible. It seems that’s all I ever do, it always either has to be someone so famous I’ll never meet them, or so fictional that for me to claim to have a relationship with one of them would cause the Psych. Department at Houghton to be even more interested in me than they already are. Or sometimes it’s someone far to young, rarely too old, and I’ve always thought Necrophilia is nasty, despite the fact that Inuyasha loves it (That’s a joke, if you didn’t get it then…sorry) So now I need to find someone in the category of living, 16 to 20 year old female humanoids from Earth who exists within the same reality spectrum as I do and who is not so famous as to make our relationship end up on Wikipedia. Hmmm, thinks it’s possible? Neither do I. But every girl who knows me is convinced that I’m such a great guy that OTHER girls will be madly in love with me someday. Let’s see how long that assumption can keep chasing its tail. But the really sad truth is that it really doesn’t matter right now, despite the brainwashing of my “romance=life” and “18 is the perfect time to get married” culture I try to remember where my priorities lie. It just hit me the other day though, I’m 18 now, I could get married. That’s a scary thought. And though I’d be more than happy in some ways there’s still the one big major recurring problem. You can’t get married alone. So I doubt I’m going to be getting married until I’m like 25, because by that point I’ll be so rich and famous from saving the world from alien ninjas that girls will be lining up. Though by that point it will be “women”. That’s one other thing that’s taking some getting used too now that I’m 18. I was out with my 19 year old twin friends Anneli and Evelin last night and I realized something, I’ve always thought of them as girls, but last night that was, at least by age standards, me, a man, out with 2 women. I don’t know why it makes such a big difference but I feel like it does and it kind of freaks me out.

Anyway, Matt, I know you have to wait until you’re 21 to do all sorts of crazy stuff in America (which I wouldn’t be doing anyway because I’m too crazy for the crazy stuff) so now I’m going to mock all you 18 year old Americans by saying “na na, na na na” here in Estonian as an 18 year old now I can legally, buy and consume alcohol, go to sex shops and brothels and partake of their custom, buy and smoke cigarettes, go to clubs of all varieties, dancing to strip, and I can probably do some other stuff to, but I’m not sure what. As you may have already guessed though I am not doing any of that, and I’m only planning to do one of those things. Go to one of those dancing clubs with Tallinn’s ultimate club guides, Anneli and Evelin. “Don’t go to the Hollywood ‘cause it’s just sluts looking for sex and men looking for sluts. And a 15 year old got raped there because the security’s bad” “Don’t go to Parlament because that’s just where Russians and Estonians go to fight” “And even though NightWish plays there sometimes never go to the Rock Café, because it’s all just bikers in leather pants” That’s what I’ve been told so I’ll just trust them and go with the plan to go and party at Venus Club (“It’s the best club in Tallinn!”) when we all graduate officially in June. Sounds fun to me.

But now I must go, because if I want to graduate by June (if I could graduate earlier that would be nice. Maybe if I graduate early I can spend more time playing video games or some such self motivation…hmm, I might consider that) I need to get to work, Goeffrey Chaucer’s inappropriate yet sidesplitting humor awaits me. That’s what I get for reading classics…

As I wade through the infinite darkness...

You get a least one of these posts from me every winter. A stir crazy, cabin fevered, sun deprived madman takes over my mind with his stir crazy, cabin feverish, sun desiring powers of mind control. Then he sits down and writes a post with a title like “As I wade through the infinite darkness…” that makes people wonder if I’m depressed, or sick, or demon possessed, or being controlled by a madman with stir crazed, cabin feverishly, sun deprived powers of mind control. I assure you that I am only being controlled by a stir crazy…you know the rest, madman. Nothing to be worried about. Especially because this madman inhabits my body, shares my name, identity and personality, and is only released during the dark Estonian winter months, and then only to complain, nothing more. So now here he goes. I’ll put everything he says in quotation marks so you know it’s him speaking and not me blaming my complaints on an obvious fictitious caricature of my stir crazy, cabin fever afflicted, sun deprived self.

“I hate it when it’s so dark and cold outside! Even if it were light it would be too cold to go out, and even if it were warm it be too dark to do anything!”
But we all love how beautiful the snow looks, so white and pure and…
“SNOW? What the heck are you talking about?! The snow melted, so now it’s cold and dark and rainy and slushy…and the snow only stays white for like 3 seconds before a dog craps in it anyway!”
But think about snow ball fights with friends and…well, um…you get to wear a nice coat in the winter! And cool black boots too! Can’t beat those boots!
“Snow ball fights? With all that yellow, brown and rainbow snow? YUCK! And plus right now it would be more like a slush ball fight. Or a gravel-and-ice ball fight. And that’s no fun. And don’t even get me started on the coat. It’s taken you three years to find a coat that DOESN’T make you look like a over grown and badly burnt marshmallow, and though the one you have now is great, wearing any coat makes carrying a bag a pain…”
Bla bla bla…He just goes on and on…
“…and then when you’re inside unless you can find a place to put your coat then you steam yourself to death. And then if you do have a place to put your coat you have to make sure it’s safe because if it gets stolen you’ll freeze…”
Though the person who wants to steal it will freeze without it too…
“Survival of the fittest, idiot!”
Survival of the fittest idiot? You win.
“Shut up. But at least we can agree on one thing.”
What’s that? To disagree?
“No. The boots rock.”
Agreed. They’re all big and black…
“…heavy and strong…”
…with steel toes…
“…like the boots the rebels wear in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ in the battle on Hoth…”
The boots are awesome.
“Awesome boots.”
so…is that it?
“No! Because it’s so dark and depressing! And cold, and you can’t do anything, and you can’t leave the house, and you never see the sun, and you start using too many commas, and start talking to yourself, and blaming your complaints on fictitious caricatures, and thinking that winter will never end, and wanting to run outside naked, and…
”Wait, wait, wait. Run outside naked?
“Well, because you’ve been inside so much you want to be outside…and since you’re always wearing so many clothes to keep warm you want to wear as little as possible…”
But run outside naked?! Dude, we need to get you some serious help. Maybe you should exercise or go to the library or run WITH clothes on or…
“I’ve got a better idea.”
What? Will it get us out of the house?
“Yes.”
Sweet. Will it get us some movement and exercise?
“Yes.”
Awesome! Will it get us some sunshine?
“Uh, no.”
Curse you…
“I was thinking we could stop blogging and go out with some chicks. And Evelin is blond so maybe she’ll reflect some sunshine and…”
Shut up, just shut up. Let’s put on our cool boots and get out of here.
“Rockin’. Let’s go”

Wow, that was weird. Now I need to go meet up with Evelin…so, Cya

My first post written as a "man"

In case you didn’t catch my oh so subtle hint yesterday was my 18th birthday. Meaning that I am now 18, and in some people’s opinion, a man. And so to fulfill my manly obligations I will, for once, answer a question. My good Aussie buddy (or should I say “mate”? I’m not good with this Aussie lingo) Lisa asked on what three continents was my birthday an international holiday, and whether she should get the day off work. And my answers are, the three continents that I have received birthday greetings from, and therefore celebrated it in some small way are North America, Europe and Australia! So that means if you live on one of those three continents than yesterday not only should you have had the day off work, you also should have had parades in the streets, and large posters saying “world’s coolest teenager now world’s coolest MAN!!” and articles in the paper about how manly I am, and how good looking and…you get the picture. If none of those things happened I suggest you sue for billions of dollars. Or trillions, depends on how much you love me. Which I know is a lot. So anyway, my real reason for blogging now is so that anyone coming to look at my blog on my birthday will read this extremely manly post rather than my post about the effect of music with lots of bass on the female body. Which I thought was really funny, but caused one of my female friends (who I leave unnamed so she doesn’t even more mad) to splutter something about how that’s not why she goes to clubs, and the idea of bass having any such effect being absolutely absurd. Excuses, excuses. I know the truth.

Anyway, I’m sure you’re all dying to know what I did to celebrate my passage into manliness. Well it was quite simple really. Our bard made a huge bonfire, the Tan n’Righ, and I stripped of all my clothes and walked around him in three sunwise circles so the people could see I had no blemish and then through the right of the king fire he proclaimed me king. Not really, but it worked for Llew in Stephen Lawhead’s “The Silver Hand” for me we had a big party with pizza and soda and games. Tons of people came and I got tons of cool stuff (some highlights being a language teaching computer game from Eero and Vesse to help me learn Estonian, a gift card for Lasering, music store, from Kristi, Michael and Keit, and some extraordinarily comfy Bob the Builder socks from my sister) and one very cool surprise present was my friend Anton came! I haven’t seen him in forever. I was very happy. And selling the X-box finally payed off. Using the X-box money I had bought an N64 and I had great fun playing 007:Golden Eye with Anneli, Keit and Eero. Which was fun because when playing video games with friends you get some great quotes, my favorite was when playing Star Wars:Battlefront 2 with my friend Anneli and she had used up all her ammo she jumped off a building saying “Life just isn’t worth it without a gun!” and yesterday playing 007 Keit kept saying “I love killing! This is my favorite game!” so that made me very happy.

And now, in the words of Alice Cooper, “I’m eighteen and I like it!” I’m quite happy being 18. Now I can do fun things like…sing Alice Cooper’s “I’m eighteen” song. Other than that there’s not much else I want to do. I could smoke while getting drunk and looking at porn. But why kill my lungs, liver and mind when I could do fun things like hang out with my friends? Let me sidetrack for a minute. Being a celibate Christian guy is just a good thing. Period. But it can make life more fun too. A while ago I was with some friends and I was telling them how on the way over I had walked past a store where the employees were busy dressing the female mannequins. But since I like to march around town eyes front, face forward like some sort of rebel on a mission I hadn’t seen this until almost right next to the window I saw out of the corner of my eye a woman getting dressed. Out of pure shock I almost tripped and turned on my heel to see a female employee holding back laughter at the shocked look on my face as I stared at the mannequin she’d just finished putting a bra on. I winked at her and the mannequin and went on my way, relieved that it was only a mannequin. When I told this little anecdote my more hedonistic non-Christian friend was shocked. Why would I not want it to be a naked woman? Wouldn’t it have been extremely exciting to see a naked chick in a street side window? So I said what I always say. I’m gay! Unfortunately this word has picked up other meanings but when I use it I mean happy. So it works well for me in that sense.

Anyway, I sidetracked, but I don’t think I had anything more to say really. Well one thing. I was thinking of using blogger adsense to make a little money, but then I realized something. My blog is above being a money making tool. And besides those adds are ugly, and they show up right at the top of you blog! Ewe! Anyway, I’m done now. Cya!

Back from Riga...THANK GOD!!

Well since I haven’t been blogging much lately you obviously don’t know that I spent last night in Riga. But now you know. I spent last night in Riga. What you still don’t know is the all important “WHY?” Why is because since my uncle is Russian he has trouble traveling into and out of Estonia because so many nice Russians decided to come across the border and riot over a hunk of bronze and a pile of decayed corpses. And since Russians and Estonians already don’t consider each other best buddies…It just makes things hard. So instead, thanks to the new “Shengan” (is that how it’s spelled?) EU open borders thing, it is much easier to drive across to Latvia and fly from Riga. So to say farewell to my Aunt, Uncle and cousin we drove them to Riga, capital of Latvia. Then they left at 4 in the morning while I slept peacefully. And then we left and after hours in the car, doing the same mind numbing trip we’d done the day before, we arrived back home in Tallinn. And now I’m blogging. That, as you may have guessed, is the short version of a long story. But since the long story is relatively boring and I’m really tired I’m only going to tell you some of my more interesting thoughts during the journey. To stretch our legs and give us a break from the monotony of car travel we stopped at a mall in Latvia to have lunch and just look around. Now of course as anyone who knows me could tell you I HATE shopping. So this was torture for me. But I had lunch to look forward to so I just kept the thought of a full stomach foremost in my mind to give me the endurance to keep my sanity. So finally when it came time for lunch I was quite happy to pick out a nice looking pizza place to have lunch. Of course I ordered a nice “Quattro Formaggi” pizza, which wasn’t at all as good as the ones from Taverna in Tartu (best pizza in the world, and I should know, I’ve eaten pizza on two continents and even had Italian pizza without being too impressed) and while I ate I noticed the only negative about this restaurant. They had big TV hanging from the ceiling that was on some MTV-ish channel showing all sorts of music videos. You know the type. 4 girls wearing as little clothing as physically possible looking sickeningly aroused by the guy with the 5 million karat gold dollar sign hanging around his neck who’s rapping his head off about sex, drugs and shooting cops. That’s why I don’t watch music videos much anymore. But then I realized something. All those “girls wearing less than bikinis” (“ice ice baby, too cold, too cold”) and looking aroused did not start looking aroused until that big bass “THUMP THUMP THUMP” started. So I came to a conclusion. Thumping bass+chick=aroused female. Therefore, according to MTV a thumping bass causes feminine sexual arousal. Which probably explains why gangsta wannabes feel the need to turn up the bass and blast it real loud into the ears of all they pass by, especially young children, who’s ears are permanently damaged. Maybe they’re compensating for something…but now for the first time in my life I understand noise pollution. Another little phenomenon this might explain is the love for clubbing that some of my female friends have acquired. For a guy the reasons for clubbing are obvious. Even more so now. What kind of music do clubs play? Music with a thumping bass! So guys do the same math I did, thumping bass+bored chicks dancing=easy and cheap sexual exploitation. But because of that I’ve never understood why a girl would be at the club in the first place. Well, probably because dancing to that big bassy sound brings them such…pleasure.

So now that I’ve thoroughly offended all readers, females and club goers especially, I have one final offensive thing to say. Now that I have done the math and come to this conclusion there remains but one thing to be done. In the name of science I must experiment! I need to get big speakers, turn up the bass and see what kind of reactions I get. I could see this getting quite interesting…anyway, I hope I didn’t really offend anyone much. I just wanted to mock MTV and poke fun at some of my friends (who I hope don’t read this) all in one post. Though I will still be on a search for thumping bass music for my experiments. Let me know if you have any suggestions. ;-) but now I must go, Cya!

P.S. Maybe I should get to work on my post for tomorrow (hint hint). My special post (wink wink). Because tomorrow is a special international holiday recognized on at least 3 continents (nudge nudge). What holiday you ask? Well let me see, I’m 17 today, but I’ll be 18 tomorrow so…(hint wink nudge) guess!

Oh Mr. Card…Is there anything you wouldn’t do to try to make me lose respect for you?

This year for Christmas I got a pretty good haul. I got the usual amount of teeth rotters, and the usual amount of things to fill up the empty storage spaces in my room, but I got an unusual amount of two things. The two things that just so happen to my favorite things on earth, (not counting girls, pizza and many other things) video games and books! By unusual amount I mean I got more than I could have hoped. So now I have a handy-dandy N64 and have been playing Perfect Dark since Christmas. I’ve almost beat it now. And of course my other favorite thing I got is books. Orson Scott Card books to be exact. I got his whole “Shadow” series! You know, starting with “Ender’s Shadow” and ending with “Shadow of the Giant”. And since I love these books so much I’ve been going through them like crazy. And I’m already on the last one, Shadow of the Giant. And as I was reading last night I was shocked to find one of our major characters finding himself in…Estonia! Hegemon Peter Wiggin and Russian Battle School Grad/General Vlad met in Kohtla-Järve for a secret meeting. And of course seeing as how Vlad is Russian he has to get in a little mockery at the Estonians. Here is a little quote from part of their conversation…


“Ambition balanced against survival instinct,” said Peter “Ambition leads you to great risk. But ambition never leads you to certain destruction.”“Unless you’re a fool.”
“There are no fools in this park today,” said Peter “Unless you count the spies lying underwater breathing through straws in order to overhear our conversation.”
“It’s the best the Estonians can do,” Said Vlad
“I’m glad to know that Russians haven’t forgotten their sense of humor.”
“Everybody knows a few dozen Estonian jokes.”
“Who do Estonians joke about?” asked Peter.
“Estonians of course. Only they don’t realize that they’re jokes.”
Laughing, they left the park and headed back, Peter to his chauffeured car, Vlad to the train back to St. Petersburg.


I don’t know how I should feel. But no matter whether I feel insulted by my beloved home being the butt of a joke or honored that Orson Scott Card even knows this country exists I’m still intrigued as to how and why he picked Estonia, and why Kohtla-Järve of all places? And he earlier describes it as “A town in northeastern Estonia with delusions of cityhood” It makes me wonder…has Orson Scott Card been to Estonia? This book is copyrighted 2005…was he here when I was? I’ve been here since 2004. Well why I wonder this is because one of the big reasons I have trouble righting fiction is because I can’t write about a place I’ve never been, or a people group I don’t know much about. Because I’m always worried that I’ll say “and then our beloved Russian hero climbs the mountain in Estonia…” and I’ll get angry e-mails saying “YOU IDIOT! THERE AREN’T ANY MOUNTAINS IN ESTONIA! AND ANY RUSSIAN IN ESTONIA ISN’T A HERO! YOU’VE BEEN HERE SINCE 2004 AND YOU STILL DON’T KNOW THAT?” Though the highest point in the Baltics is in Estonia it is by no ones definition a mountain. And I’ve met some great Russians, but old prejudices die hard. So I could write a story about…not American, not enough real experience with them, maybe Estonian characters who travel from Tallinn, to Rome, to Helsinki, to New York while doing…what? I have no true experience with guns or any other type of weaponry. So not fighting evil, but…preaching? See what a lame story that would be? I always feel like to tell a realistic story it has to be about stuff I have experience with. I’ve tried writing fiction, I really have. And I have written some half decent stuff that sleeps on my hard drive. But nothing real. So after getting really sidetracked I go back to my point. Because I have such a handicap for fictional writing does that mean that all writer’s do? Does that mean that Orson Scott Card was able to write about Kohtla-Järve because he’d been there? But then again, was he able to write about life on an orbiting battle school and destroying an alien race because he’d done all that? Of course not. So I’ll just have to overcome this handicap if I ever want to write good fiction. But for now I’ll stick with my own blogobiography.

But I really would like to write fiction. I was listening to my nice free download from audible.com of “Ender’s Game”, also be Orson Scott Card, and at the end Mr. Card himself did some talking about his writing. How Ender’s game was born was out of a need for money and the dual motivations of reading something horrible and thinking “If that could get published than so could I” and reading something great and thinking “I want to write like that!” I’ve had both experiences. I want to write like Card, and if the many junky writer’s of sci-fi and fantasy can get published than I could. And Christopher Paolini, who is an AMAZING writer, was younger than me when he started writing Eragon. So maybe someday I’ll be writer not only of an irritatingly repetitive blog, but also of an irritatingly repetitive sci-fi or fantasy book. Just imagine, I could call it something like “Begginer’s Game”. But anyway, why did I say in the title of this post that Card seems to be trying to make me lose respect for him? Three reasons. First of all, he made fun of Estonia. Or more specifically, one of his characters did. Secondly, he wrote the story for Advent Rising, which though it had amazing gameplay it wasn’t quite as cool a story as I could have hoped for from Orson Scott Card. It was interesting, but not compelling. Or not enough. Unlike Halo which I thought would have a stupid story because the gameplay could make up for it. And the third reason is that I found out that is a moron. Ooops, typo. I mean mormon. I love that typo joke…Anyway, I don’t so much lose respect for him because he’s a mormon, I just feel sad for him and pray that he could be converted. So anyway, that’s the end of this post, during the writing of this post I have attempted to negotiated a peace treaty in the “chore war” with my mom and have also carried a washing machine out of the house and into the repair guy’s van. I never seem to just blog, I blog and jog. Anyway, that’s it for now. Now I’m off to go take a shower and other such noble pursuits. Cya!

High School Musical?

Who is that on the left there? Who is that extrordinarily good looking chick who should probably button up her shirt a little more? That's "Kelsi" from "High School Musical". It's not really Kelsi. That's the actress being extremely out of character. Olesya Rulin, the Russian born, Eastern Orthodox, animal lover, actress who I think is the best in person in any of the High School Musical movies. I've only seen one but I still think she's the best. When I say she's being extremely out of character I mean that in High School Musical she plays a timid little pianist/playwright who, like all timid people in these types of movies, stands up to the antagonist at the end and pulls her hair out of it's bun and turns out to really be the hottest of them all. Of course if you're me then you thought she was the hottest even before that. Anyway, I've just been doing a little research and it seems that Kelsi is also in a horror movie called "Vampire Chicks With Chainsaws". And after watching the trailer I've just got to say that anybody who thought she was a sweet nice little pianist and who liked her that way would be quite shocked. Though vampires are pretty cool, I still like her better as a timid pianist.

Anyway, I don't know how I ended up spending so much time talking about my dear Olesya. Maybe the fact that she's Russian and Orthodox, which still isn't Protestant but close enough, makes me think that like Hayley Williams of Paramore I might have the slightest chance of somehow meeting one of them and falling madly in love and so on and so forth. You know how my dreams go. Not likely though. Unless I somehow get a part in High School Musical 6.5, because I'm sure they're going to make at least that many. I could be this nerd who finds out he has a passion for rapping. I'd been like the Kevin G dude from "Mean Girls". Mathlete baby. Anyway, why am I talking about HSM (High School Musical)? Because my sister just got it for Christmas and forced me to watch it. And believe it or not I've actually fallen under the evil disney spell. Creme brulee! I actually like it! The movie, not creme brulee. I've never had creme brulee. But it sounds good. Anyway, I just love that "Stick to the Status Quo" song. It's so much fun! But don't watch the MadTV parody. It might be realistic, but it's not funny.

I know you're all waiting for me to say it so I will now end your suspense. HAPPY NEW YEAR! I'm actually sad to see 2007 go. I had a pretty good year this year. Last year I was glad to watch the writhing death of 2006, but 2007 was good. And now I face 2008 with apprehension. So much is going to happen this year. I'm jumping off a cliff into a dark abyss and praying that a passing cloud will catch me. Some people might think that's not a good analogy for going to college, but I'm absolutely terrified. This year I will move internationally. And I will do it alone. And I will be moving to a place that is far more foreign to me than Estonia. America is very foreign to me. The people, the culture. All of it. And as far as I can tell college life is like a whole new culture in itself. There's some great quote about how when you've become comfortable it means it's time to move on. And I've definitely gotten comfortable. But I haven't gotten bored. And that's why it will be hard to leave. I love it here. And I love the people. I don't know how I'll do it. But all I know is that I will. I'll probably fill my MP3 player up full of rebelious music and rebel against myself (I actually do that rather often, because of the large difference what I want and what is right for me) and my fear and then not just drop off the cliff but hurtle myself with all the force of a nuclear warhead.

Another freaky thing that will be happening this year is my birthday. Of course I'm happy about the way that this international holiday will fill do a little to fill my personal coffers and fill my room with junk. But what I'm freaked out about is that I'm turning 18. That's a big number. And It means that time is running out for me to sit on my butt playing "Perfect Dark". I need to get to work making myself a useful person. And last time I checked my N64 had no way of transmitting my controls to some secret agent robot that is off saving the world with my help. So that's another thing I'm freaked out about, that I'm turning 18. All very freaky. But I think I'm blogging now. And though I think I had more I meant to say my little brother wiped it from my mind with constant distractions. And this post is long enough now anyway. So Cya!