First week...Wow.

I'm sorry I can't think of a better title than that, but it's all I've got. Let me tell you a bit about my first week. I'd love to go in depth. I love to tell you all the little details. I'd love to name a whole bunch of people who are awesome friends. But I don't have time. Dinner is in 10 minutes. So I'll tell you the basics. There's two main reasons why I'm blogging. Failure and victory. This week they've kind of gone hand in hand. All week long I've been failing. Failing in my choices. I've been putting off schoolwork in order to do other things that are about a million times more fun. So last night I realized that I still hadn't finished all my homework for Greek, Biblical Literature and Introduction to Psychology. And all those classes were today. So last night, about 11pm I was almost ready to just break down and cry. I was about to give up. I didn't know what to do. I felt that I'd failed. I felt that I was a helpless little idiot with no hope of ever succeeding in college. I was afraid. Because I knew I couldn't just go to sleep. I wouldn't be able to sleep feeling like that. i had two options. Blog out my feelings and my surrender, or fight. Fighting didn't feel like a real option to me. I was tired. And I couldn't go on.

But I did. I stayed up until almost 2am. Last night I had failed. I felt helpless. I felt stupid. And I felt ready to give up. I had made my choices. I had chosen fun stuff over schoolwork. And now I was paying for it. I bore the responsibility. It was my fault. So I turned and I faced my failure. I looked it straight in it's ugly face. Then I picked up my laptop, and all my books. Having to take two trips. And I set up in the floor lounge. And so last night I taught myself the Greek alphabet and read enough Bib. Lit. and Psych. to get by in those classes. By the end of it I was tired. And I felt stupid. And I felt even more stupid in the morning. This morning I drank the fourth cup of coffee I've drank in the year 2008. I only drink coffee when I'm desperate. And it worked. The first half of Greek my brain was sluggish and I wasn't participating as well as I should have been. I wrote an E-mail to professor Tõniste apologizing for that. But after the coffee kicked in I made it through all my classes pretty well, then came back to the dorm for a half hour nap. That one half hour nap was enough to give me the energy for 2 hours of homework. Thank God. And thank God it's Friday. I need some rest. And I need to reward myself. I feel pretty good over all. I did something stupid. I failed. I made bad choices. But I got over that and came out okay. I'm not going to do it again. I learned a lot from this. And I still feel this was a victory, even though it came at the cost of failure.

So now let me just say one thing. If I get any E-mails from anyone telling me how disapointed thay are, I'm not going to read it. I'm going to delete it, and be violently angry, and most likely hit them next time I see them. I'm being very positive about this. this was a victory. This was a learning experience. Yet I still failed, and I know that. And I feel horrible. Like seriously angry with myself. I'm already yelling at myself for my stupid failure, so if anybody else does it I'm going to be angry. So just don't actually, it would probably be best just not to mention this. Don't E-mail me saying how great it is that I got over me screw up. Just leave it. Thank you. Now I'm off to dinner, and tonight is "Sinatra Under the Stars" with the Lambein girls, who are some of my favorite girls on campus, next to the Gillette girls of course. That is the reward I spoke of. So until next time, when I can blog more, Cya!