A joke from Reader's Digest, and my thoughts on it.

Here is a joke i stole from a British Readers Digest. i am going to give you a whole running commentary. because i think this joke is interesting and i want to prove a point at the end. so here it is, my commentary will be in italics okay?

"The was a man who had three girlfriends and didn't know which one to marry."
Now fist off we know this guy is a jerk. Three girlfriends? how do you even pull that off?!?
"So, as a test, he gave each $5000 to see how they would spend it"
Well this would explain how he got three girlfriends! He's stinking RICH! I really don't understand the whole stereotype that girls only like money. I'm sure there must be girls who like guys, not dollars!
"The first girl had a head-to-toe makeover and bought a new wardrobe of clothes. 'I spent the money making myself pretty because i love you so much,' she told her boyfriend."
Now obviously this is the blond. no offense. she's stupid and most likely blond. Sorry but this girl would be an automatic NO-NO!
"The second one got a new set of golf clubs, an IPod, and huge TV to give to the man. 'I bought all these things for you because i love you so much,' she said."
Now this girl may not be the book smartest but she definitely knows men. But i have only one problem with this, can you legally get all that stuff for $5000? That expensive stuff!
"The third one took her money and invested in the stock market, doubling her money. She told the man: 'I wanted to invest in our future because i love you so much.'"
She may be the one with the most book smarts but she invested the money? How boring! But in the end she's probably the best girl. Or so i think. I like smart chicks! ;-)
"The man thought long and hard about how the women had spent their cash and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts."
Cricket. Cricket. Oh wait, was that the punch line? Just kidding, i laughed it at first and then it hit me, do people really think all guys are like that? Is that the stereotype? That girls only like like cash and guys only like boobs? Oops, i said a naughty word, should i put and X-plicit content sign? maybe i will. anyway, i would like to defy that stereotype because i know that the human race is not that shallow. I truly do not believe humanity has truly sunk that low. anyway, there's a joke and my thoughts on it. i'm gonna quit using italics now.

Ahhh, there we go. doesn't it feel good to be un-italicized? it sure makes me happy. anyway, i'll write more about my trip later. i'm tired now. Cya!

Whether you know it deep down inside you are prejudice...

i would like to write a quick little posgt against our society's colorist atitude. colorist is in sexist, racist, EVILIST! why exactly is light good? and dark evil? i don't get it! i think it is an act of color discrimination! and same thing with height! why is someone "high and mighty"? most of the short people i know are stronger than taller people (like me). so i don't understand these prejudices. how do we black isn't really the ultimate good? and maybe white is satan's favorite color! who knows? i think that the main reason for this colorist atitude is that if something is pleasing to the eye we label it "Good". and if it's not pleasing to the eye (say, bats for example) then it must be EVIL! i beg to differ. some of the most evil and scary things i have ever seen have been breathtakingly light and beautiful. and some of the most comforting have been dark. now that doesn't apply to everything but now can some of you understand why i prefer brunettes over blonds? i try to not be colorist whenever i can, and i hope that this scathing blog post will make you rethink your treatment of colors.

=-)
;-)

that WAS funny. anyway, i've voiced yet another odd oppinion and now i must say farewell! fare thee well!

Here in Britain we don't drink from the toilets...(in this post i unmask a military/government conspiracy)

I took this picture in one of the London museums' bathrooms, either Science or natural history, they're like right next to each other so i don't remember which. i just thought the wording of this sign was funny, just a remember, no matter how thirsty you are please DO NOT drink out of the toilet. what they means is don't take water from the sinks because they get their water from a polluted water source beneath the museum because somehow that's more enviromentally safe. so anyway, where did i leave off? Sweden layover to Prytani? yup. so we landed in Britain and had to wait for like 2 hours (no joke) in line to go through customs because something had happened at one of the airports (plane crash, security scare, who knows?) so a ton of planes was getting diverted to the tiny little stansted airport and because of that (and the fact that it was like midnight) things were running really slow. so finally after making it through the ginormous (not a "real" word) lines we got a taxi to Days Inn were we were staying and after absorbing the schock of being in such an American like place (Days Inn is American, duh...) we collapsed and died on our beds, waiting for our prince and princess charmings to kiss us awake...

to bad that night all the charmings eloped together and therfore never came to wake my family up, but we did rise from the dead eventually and then went over to the restaruant next to get our free complimentary "Full English Breakfast". it wasn't all bad, but it was definitely a very greasy experience. and i have a conspiracy i would like to unmask. the military organisations of the world are brainwashing our youth into highly trained military commandos through video games. i personally specialize in squad leadership and covert sniping manevuers. i was slightly freaked out by seeing a ghost squad type arcade game where you wielded a sniper rifle and you got payed for doing well in the game. and i don't mean you got payed in the game. money would pop out of the machine if you did well. and it was designed and advertised that way. and that was a very realistic sniper rifle you held and shot at computerized terrorists. so now i've down it. i believe that through video games the militaries of the world are training the youth of the world through video games. and maybe when world war 3 rolls around as it most likely will someday soon they'll start mandatory drafts and those of us who have already been trained will be used mercilessly to take over the world. disagree? then why is the US army using video games in it's "Army of One" campaign? on their website you used to be able to download a army game which trained you for combat. i don't know if you still can but whatever. i've voiced my theory. now you KNOW i'm crazy. anyway, got way, WAY off track. so let's see, haven't even finished writing about the first day yet. wow i'm crazy.

so then we took a bus into london and then a train to chislehurst where we were staying. and what's cool is we were staying at this cool Salvation Army place for missionarys called "Avalon". i mean how cool is that? we stayed at a place called AVALON!! wicked dude!! and when i say wicked i don't mean evil. so yeah, that was cool. and again i don't remember the exact order of events but we did all the cool stuff ever. we hit all the free museums and had a blast with that. like i already mentioned we went to both the natural history and science museum. that was all a blast. i really enjoyed it all. and plus i got some sweet pictures which i will someday put on some site so you awesome people can see them. one totally awesome thing we did was go to 221b Baker St., which is the Sherlock Holmes museum. me and my sister are HUGE Sherlock Holmes fans, and it was really interesting to get to see al the stuff there. i loved it. Sherlock Holmes RULEZ! well let me rack my brain because i seem to be having memory failure about what we did in London. RACK RACK RACK! okay, i racked my brain. i didn't get anything, so what do i do when brain racking doesn't work? i ask my mom! duh! *turning, asking mother* wow, my mom's got a better memory than me. and also i should mention that she's B-E-A-utiful. she's always wanted me to say that.

so anyway, one sweet thing we did was go to the london museum where as a cool one day thing they had a bunch of guys dressed up as roman soldiers and you could ask them questions. i actually wasn't all too impressed by them because i thought they'd kinda be in character and when i asked them a question about they soldiers they would refer to themselves not "the soldiers back then". and i was hoping when i asked about their weapons and shields and how they were made they would tell me how the shields were made in roman times, not how these dudes had made them. sad. but whatever, it was still cool to see a bunch of guys in armor. but believe me i saw a lot more of that at the colloseum...oops! i gave away my next destination! another fun thing we did was go to IHQ (Salvation Army International Headquarters) and we got a tour. which wasn't horribly interesting because it was kind of like "here's an office, and here's another office, and this is...wait, why don't you guess? it's an OFFICE!". but i did get to see the top of the General's head so in the end it was worth it. kind of. oh, how i love sarcasm.

anyway, i think that was it, and i'm tired of writing now anyway. i just want to say that this blog post is brought to you by Sonlight Curriculim because today i read in my schooling stuff that to improve my writing i need to practice, practice, practice! that's right, three whole repititions. you know they must be serious...so tune in next time because after flying out of Britain we headed for Roma. and i fell in lova with Roma. and i took a lot more notes in rome so my blog posts will have so much more information (NO! not longer posts...). Cya!

Wake me up when semptember ends...

wait a minute...semptember's over? it ended yesterday? and you never woke me up? geeze, you think you can count on people to wake you up but they just let you down...i'm disapointed in you. you make me cry. tears of laughter that is!! HAHAHAHA!! yes, i have just gone insane. i'm tottally nuts. but i'm loving it. i'm listening to Gwen Stefani's "What You Waiting For", i haven't heard it in a while and dang is it funky, it makes me laugh. and now Lost Prophets "Last Train Home"...sorry, i just love my music! anyway, on the subject of music i love i've been waiting all year for semptember to roll around so i could make a pun out of Green Day's song "Wake me up when September ends", which i have now done with this post. so my life is complete. anyway, i guess i should tell you about some stuff so you don't get bored.

as you may have noticed i have been away for the last two weeks on a whirlwind tour of europe. starting in latvia and then going to...well, just keep reading. so anyway, i'll tell you about everything. after piling into the van me and my family started the hours long trip to Riga. it was okay. we took a break in Pärnu for lunch and ate at this great little cafe called Georg which put this awesomely yummy pink sauce on the fries...YUM! i liked it a lot. so after filling our stomachs with yumminess we jumped back in the van and uneventfully crossed the border into latvia. so then after a few miscaleanous playground stops for my little brother to stretch we made it to Riga, at which point i cut my wrist. i was just bored i pulled out my pocket knife and...wait, that's not what happened. after hours in the car i had slouched down in my seat and in an attempt to sit back up put my hand on the side of the seat and tried to push myself up in the seat but my hand slipped and i gashed my wrist on this menacing little black metal part of the seat. ouch, bloody. it actually wasn't that bad and is finnaly almost healed. but it did hurt. anyway, after my injury we met up with our friend Ms. Major Diaz who's apartment we were staying at. we then trooped up to her apartment and enjoyed her large DVD collection.

i don't remember the exact order things happened after but the next morning we went to church and then sometime in the next few days we went to a zoo with another missionary family we'd met who's name i can't remember. which was fun for Elizabeth all the children in the family consisted of three girls. the oldest aged ten, like Elizabeth. do you notice that there are practically NO missionary kids my age around? what's with that? seriously! well who cares, all of the teenage girls i know are better looking than any missionary chick who might come around anyway...so yeah, then some other time we went to this sweet Latvian castle which was wicked good fun. and i got some great pictures which i'll put on later. then after more time doing stuff in old town Riga, which is where i got that cool "Just Pie" pic you see up there, we got on a plane and after a short layover in Sweden we were off to the Isles of Great Britain...

keep checking because i'll blog about that later, but now i need to go watch winnie the pooh with my little bro. and just so you know if you see a star here is the wishing rhyme you need to know. "Flap like a bird, Jump like a fish. Sit down. Stand up. Wish, Wish, WISH!" anyway, Cya!!!

The tale of the freaky unknown caller who turned out to be a freaky KNOWN caller.

i need to keep this short. but i want to tell you a story. the last few days i have been getting calls from an unknown number. unknown as in it didn't show who it was. anyway, this strange enigma continued to baffle me until i posted my last post warning that i WILL hang up on you if you call me anytime before monday. i then finally today i repeatedly got calls from this strange number. and so did my mom. who was this guy? and why was he stalking us? creepy...then it turned out this freaky guy was my dad. AH!! MY DAD!!! scary. anyway so mystery solved. boring story huh? sorry if i bored you to tears but i recently read in one of the free london newspapers that crying releases stress. so next time you see me punch me in the face, and then i'll cry and release stress. sound fool proof? i think so too...yeah. i actually have a top secret, confidential, evil plan for a post i want to write concerning my secret plan of what i want next time you see me. no it's not 5£. you'll find out. be patient. and one more thing. if you live in estonia, and therefore have an estonian phone number (country code +372) and called me today around 3:45 pm(15:45) estonia time please e-mail me at chrisjohnclark@juno.com because i don't know who you are and i will repeatedly hang up on you until you either SMS me or e-mail me. i know you're probably some girl who's madly in love with me who i don't know exists, which is unlikely on both counts because 1, no girl would ever be madly in love with me (no arguements Ms. You-Know-Who-You-Are) and 2 i know so many girls... anyway i'm almost out of time so i must bid you a loving farewell!

Loving Farewell,
Chris

Hello, i'm away at them moment but you can leave a message at the front desk...

actually i really am away. i'm traveling europe at the moment, thus the silence on phone, e-mail and blog. sorry to everyone who i have hung up on. when i am out of estonia it costs money to recieve calls. lots of money. so i will hang up on you if you call me. unless you sms me and tell me it's an emergency i will not pick up. sorry. anyway having loads of fun. will blog about it all later. if you need to contact me, my e-mail once again is chrisjohnclark@juno.com, or just comment on my blog and i'll get it. i might not get it quick but at least i'll get it. anyway just letting you all know why i've been haning up and not responding to e-mails. i promise i'll write a nice long post in you guys' honor once i'm back home. Cya,

Chris

I just feel like blogging and if you don't like it...well i pity you.

i have nothing AT ALL to blog about, well not much really. but i want to blog so i'll make some stuff up. or i'll just tell the truth. whatever works for you. well today something actually quite big happened. my homeschooling stuff came. we've got a library of english books in my bedroom now. my curriculim (at my request) has a big emphasis on literature. so i got a binch of great books. from Sir Gawain and the Green Knight to Frankeinstein. From Hamlet to Beowulf. sweet huh? i think so. so i'm all excited. so yeah, party! i can't think of anything else to say. ummm...does anybody know whether "lostprophets" is a christian band? i might be stupid asking but i don't know... so anyway, i'm gonna go now. i know the post was short and pointless but so what. Cya!

I just feel like blogging and if you don't like it...well i pity you.

i have nothing AT ALL to blog about, well not much really. but i want to blog so i'll make some stuff up. or i'll just tell the truth. whatever works for you. well today something actually quite big happened. my homeschooling stuff came. we've got a library of english books in my bedroom now. my curriculim (at my request) has a big emphasis on literature. so i got a binch of great books. from Sir Gawain and the Green Knight to Frankeinstein. From Hamlet to Beowulf. sweet huh? i think so. so i'm all excited. so yeah, party! i can't think of anything else to say. ummm...does anybody know whether "lostprophets" is a christian band? i might be stupid asking but i don't know... so anyway, i'm gonna go now. i know the post was short and pointless but so what. Cya!

Hey! I'm still alive?

Dude! i know you all thought i was dead. and i know you already bought the chips for the "ding-dong-the-chris-is-dead" party but hey, like i care about that. eat the chips while you read this new post. or send them to me and i'll eat them as i write a post about your genorousity. anyway, to your left there is a little "Pearls Before Swine" comic my dad sent me that i thought all one of you would enjoy. seriously. Maret, i know you're the only person who reads my blog and you just comment under a bunch of different names to make me feel good. that would be funny. anyway, Mr. "The Champ", i have seriously considered war college. but if you or Andy Mac are there i refuse to even come to Canada. just kidding, i miss you guys. so yeah, what inspired me to write a post right now? well mostly the fact that i wanted to get out of "real" work. so instead of doing schoolwork i am blogging and listening to Evanescence(ever heard their song "Eternal"? Beautiful...love it...7 mins long) and Breaking Benjamin, i have a recently come to quite like.

Anyway, today there is something annoying me. do you know what that something is? no? do you want to know? no? can you say anything besides no? no? you wanna do the funky chicken dance? "i don't wanna be a chicken, i don't wanna be a duck so kiss my butt, doo doo doo...." okay. anyway, back to what i was saying. what's annoying me is...ME! i suck! see, there i go again! i'm pessimistic! i'm not normally pessimistic it's just one very simple thing that makes me go from happy-go-lucky to chronic depression. school. i am most completely convinced i am an utter and total idiot. well, not completely. i mean i believe i can write. that's why i have this blog. i believe i am witty and what you might call "wise". and now i'm bragging. but i am most definitely not "smart". all my life, exept 4th grade, i have been homeschooled. and therefore i feel that i must have missed out on HUGE stuff that i need for life on planet earth. i mean when people younger than me are talking about what they're doing in school and i'm just going "HUH?" then that's bad, in my opinion. i'm clueless! oh so clueless! and that annoys me. and now i'm 16 and i'm looking into college and university and i'm going "yeah right, they'd take one look at me and go 'this idiot? you want US to put HIM in OUR college? he's a absolute IDIOT!!' yes sir, maybe this idiot is interested in higher education. ohhh, big word."

anyway, i know i am not alone among my homeschooling brethren. others feel the same! yay! Joshua Harris, who has written some cool books, was also a homeschooler and here's a quote from his site about how HE sometimes felt.

"
And incidentally, the friends he had at church who went to public school, all seemed really sharp. They seemed to know about a lot of things that Josh had never even heard of, let alone studied. There was quite a strong possibility that Josh was being deprived of a decent education. What if he went to college someday, and found out that he didn’t really know anything that he was supposed to know! What if there was some vital school subject that his parents had simply forgotten to cover?! He could just hear it now, he’d be sitting in the admissions office at the college, and the counselor would come in and say, "Sorry, Mr. Harris, but it seems that you completely flunked Molecular Division on your entrance test! Evidently, you never did any extensive studies on this subject. It was part of the public school students’ curriculum all throughout 9-12 grade, because it is a basic requirement for nearly every reputable university. Too bad, Mr. Harris, maybe you can try and get enrolled at a Home-school Academy! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"

so anyway, i'm quite sure i would fail molecular division. i suck at normal numbers division. i would say that's my weakest point. math. oh, how i hate you. math, the ultimate evil. cursed are you, evil of evils, MATH! anyway, you get the point. so why i was thinking about this today is because i had a huge pile of college stuff that was getting on my nerves so i decided to sort through it and have fun BURNING THE REJECTS! i actually am not sure i'll burn them, but i'll probably horribly mutilate them. they just bug me to look at them. anyway, i just wanted to get all that out. another thing. i'm also coming to like the song "rockin' the suburbs" by ben folds. and believe me, "y'all don't know what it's like/bein' male, middle class and white" i'm thinking or rewriting the song for my blog to have it say "i'm rockin' your computers/just like bill gates did/i'm rockin' your computers/only he he was talented" so yeah, i'm going into the realm of rambling now so...BLAH! i just don't want to stop blogging! but i can't think of anything more to write about. oh wait, happy birthday to my dad! his birthday was friday the 8th! aren't i a loser son? i didn't even blog about it. but yeah, i gotta go baby sit and do other junk now, so Cya all later!

Almost a month after battle school and man do i miss it...

on friday will be a month since i flew out of Vancouver to come back "home" to Estonia. in battle school i spent most of my time with four people. Brent, Eddie, Jordan and Lisa. now that i'm back "home" with my family i live with four people, my mom, my dad, my sister Eliazabeth(10) and my Brother peter(2). living with the battle schoolers was waaaaay easier. there were days when i wanted to slice, dice and utterly murder the battle school people, but not quite as many in 6 weeks as i've wanted to kill my family in the not even month i've been back. before i went to battle school everyone said "it's going to be so hard and intense" and "battle school is so challenging" and so on. but now i find my self missing the life of ease (in comparison to this) that i lived in vancouver. today i have been especially missing that. let me explain why. starting yseterday we've been on "vacation" as in my parents don't have to go in to work. i never get vacation, i'm still a baby sitting, school work doing, blogging machine. so today we decided to go into to town and do some stuff since the sun was shining and the earth looked deceptively peaceful and beautiful. so after going to HansaPank and getting my new I.D. card (in my new picture i look homicidal...) we went into old town to the tourist info because since my parents have free time they want to try playing tourist, oh won't that be fun...son after going to tourist info we decided to go on a search for the fabled Tallinn public library.

now wait, doesn't this day sound happy and peaceful so far? heck no! you have to factor in that the whole morning we were fighting about God knows what (i don't even remember anymore) and Peter had been screaming and now as we walked and trammed all over Tallinn Peter continued to make sure we couldn't forget his existence. so finally we did get to a library. not the Tallin public library, but the Estonian national library. no big difference you think right? well not to bad actually, but think about it like this. the national library is like the the library of congress. and we wanted a normal sized library with a nice small english section. well after visiting the toilets (when i'm alone this is never a time consuming thing to do, but with a family...30 minutes?) we then argued, and argued, and tried to stop peter from going in the girl bathroom, and then finally to shut him up i took him in the men's room and had to keep him from playing in the urinals. all in all quite stressful. then after another good fun argument (sarcasm heavily implied) we split up and my dad, sister and I went in and my mom stayed outside with Peter. and despite how stressful it was to get there i must admit i did quite enjoy the library once i was in and i now know my cure for cabin fever this winter, go to the national library and read science and religion books! (i know i'm a nerd, don't like it? too bad...)

so anyway after a short look in the library we went and got my mom and then because we love causeing ourselves stress we argued some more about what to do. "let's go home"
"i don't want to go home, it's a beautiful day. let's be outside"
"but there's nothing to do out here"
"sure there is..."
"got any ideas?"
"umm..."
"well then!"
so then i, being the only smart one on planet mars, came up with a bright idea, we could either go to tourist info and ask where the public library is or go to apollo bookstore and check out their famed english section. in the end we decided to do both. so with that stress over with (no thanks to anyone but me) we went to tourist info and found out where the public library was, and then of course had to have another argument about whether to go to the bookstore or library first. so after arguing about that, and a fun argument about how much Elizabeth kept complaining, we went to apollo and then to the library. and just finding the library was stressful enough, the crazy place was impossible to find, and then even after finding it we found it this was the "Estonian only" branch of the library system, so no English books. great.

so then we finally go home with me having a horrible headache and Elizabeth having tripped and scraed her knee on the way home. and so i went and lay down for a while Peter found stuff to scream about for a while and my dad went to buy supper. we then ate a pretty nice supper and sat down for a family meeting to discuss what we were doing for the rest of the night. and some where in there my mom brought up the evil subject of school and my sister freaked saying this is vacation, she doesn't want to do work. ummm, i might procrastinate but she just doesn't do her work, what does she need a vacation from? and once my mom said that freaked and started crying and ran into her room and i just said i thought faimly meetings where people burst into tears for no reason are retarded. and i still hold that opinion. so anyway then i went to the computer, put on dashboard confessional, "the places you have come to fear the most", and mellowed out as i gave you this blog post. so anyway, here is my final thesis, life here is a million times more stressful and intense than life in vancouver ever was. and i miss it. a lot. anyway, i want to end this on a positive note so here we go! i mentioned i got my new idea card today and beside me looking homicidal i also have something new written on the back. "vajab töötamiseks tööluba" do you know what tha means? of course not! but i do! it means i can get a job! well, i need parental permission but at least i can get a job! i've been wanting an income and now that's a legal possibilty! YAY! it's a definite upgrade from "ei ole lubatatud töötada" meaning "not allowed to work" so anyway, if anyone in Estonia is looking for an attractive, theatrical, fluent english speaking young man with a flexible schedule, call 56469016. anyway, now i'm done.