do i have to title my posts?

i really don't see the point in thinking up names for my posts. i am feeling sick and tired and cold and unhappy and all the rest. i'm just not feeling good, i feel horrible. but there's something you guys can do to help! i need someone to talk to! but here's the problem, i have tons of people to talk to but they are all one horrible thing: FEMALE! i am a guy, i need a guy to talk to. and i need someone who will be willing to talk about serious things, not just talk about video games, presidents and dumb jokes. my mom says i need to find my "Obi-wan" or my "Dumbledore" or "Sir Gwain"(watch "Prince Valiant") or something, which i tottally agree with. she says i need a mentor, i don't know about that, i just know i need some one to talk to. i mean someone outside the cycle of my normal life, like not my parents. i'm going crazy, i need Obi-wan because i'm falling to the dark side, Dumbledore because i'm starting to the think this is a true statement: "there is no good and evil, only power and those to weak to take it!". now my only problem is that i'm pretty sure i'm writing this post and it will only be read by girls, why me? my MSN name is now "Kurisu-Drowning in a sea of self" which i feel like i've heard before somewhere. so if you're reading this i'm quite surprised, my blog has gotten much less interesting lately, i'm not funny anymore, i'm not interesting anymore. i just keep telling myself "in april it will be all better...just wait for april...april...oh god april..." so anyway i can't think of much more to blog about, i had hoped to write a longer post, i always do. i always mean to write more than i do, but i never do, if only i could transfer my thoughts from my head to my blog anytime, because i write my best posts in bed before i go to sleep, or when i'm in the middle of schoolwork. but anyway i'm going now, and in the off-chance that any of you feeling like talking to me, my MSN is kurisu_dude@yahoo.com, and of course my yahoo is the same, but i'm rarely on that. so anyway i'm gonna go dissapear now, Bye!!

Sunday...or is it "Stressday"?

Ugh, i'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired!! (over quoted) i've been having like a sore throat and headaches for a few days but yesterday and today i've tottally felt like crap. crappy crap. crap is such a fun word. crapitty crap, crap crap. yesterday, saturday, i was in Narva for a Salvation Army thing. they call it english "days before the word" but i don't think that name makes any sense. what the heck does that mean anyway? i prefer it in Estonian, "Sõnapäev", or "the day of the word" or "word day" if you want to translate directly. but anyway so we were at this big thing and after two and a half hours in the car sitting next to Andrei (always a *sarcastic* pleasure) we finally got to Narva, found the school we had taken over for the event thingy, and unloaded our people and stuff. we brought a whole van load of people from tartu, Karl-Gustav, Andrei(boys), Liis and Maret(girls) as our youth type people, and two older women, named Ülle and Taisi, as our friends from the homeless shelter, and then there was me, my dad and sister to round it all off. my mom and brother stayed home because my brother is also sick. so we had a nice day praying, singing, looking up stuff in our bibles and all that fun stuff. but by the end of that my already sore throat sounded horrible, i could barely talk! and i was so upset because it was right in the middle of that song "he has made me glad" that my voice just died, and i love that song!! but that's not all that happened, because i am the ever convenient teenage guy standing around i was being constantly put to work. "Chris, can you move this table there?" "Chris, can you carry these five heavy bags of food from the van into the building and then back again?" "Chris, can you..." "NO!!" so somewhere in the middle of all that i hurt my knee, which has been sore since the summer anyway, so now that's two things i can complain about. but then on the wonderful trip back it was dark, horribly dark, and therefore we could not play the games that had helped us survive the first trip up. (magnetic chess and mini travel connect-four) so i was stuck with Andrei next to me saying "is this tartu?" "no" i would reply "we haven't even started the car yet!" and Liis in front of me ordering me around saying "TALK!! i need you to talk so i don't fall asleep, and i can't fall asleep because i won't get my homework done tonight if i do!!" and so of course that hurt my already very sore throat even more, because two straight hours talking non-stop hurts!! and i found out this morning that it was all for nothing because she DIDN'T DO HER HOMEWORK!!! and then to my great anoyance one of the boys (no need to be specific) was saying that he thought he had fallen in love with one of the Narva girls. "you met her four hours ago" said i, "i know but i really, really like her" to which i replied, simply, "you met her four hours ago, shut up"

so then after that wonderful trip and a six pack of sucret/lozenge thingys, plus some headache medicine (alwasy important after a long car trip with teens who won't shut up) i knocked out myself and slept like a very human looking log, only to wake up with my throat feeling like i had swallowed some needles. i stumbled out of bed, turned on the light, gasped as i was blinded, and immediately smashed my light switch off as i collapsed back on my bed. and then i slept for another hour. got up again and this time did not turn on the light, went upstairs and saw that the only person awake was my dad, looked to see if we had milk for cereal (we didn't) and then stumbled back dowstairs to bed declaring "i'll be back!!". and i was, 45 minutes later. it was now 9:45 and for the first time in forever i had bright sunlight shining into my room past the pile of snow. now that i couldn't ignore, i boldly stomped up the stairs, expecting that either someone interesting would be awake or someone had brought thier pet cow and was going to give me milk for my cereal. neither happened, Maret was now awake as well as my dad so i slumped down in a chair and tried to way the chances of whether or not they had a cow in thier back pockets. sadly no cow was forthcoming and therefore i just decided to get myself some yugurt instead, it's like i always say "if worst comes to worst, there's always yogurt!!" ("have you ever heard him say that? i haven't" "neither have i, i think he's just crazy" "agreed") so after some yogurt and staring grumpily around for a while other people started to wake up, and then after even more of a while they all ran off to go to church at kolgata, while i stretched out on the couch and considering going to sleep again. then off course my parents had to interfere by reminding me that our church service was starting in three hours and the house had to be clean and the meeting room set up with chairs and stuff. so as i worked Liis showed up, and sat on the couch and watched us, and believe it or not she was actually slightly compassionate about the fact that because of my sore throat i sounded like i was roughly 138, her and Maret are the only ones who care about me, so sad. so anyway after we had finished cleaning i played a nice game of chess against Liis, nice because i kicked her butt, and then we played some horrible games of connect-four, horrible because she's really good at connect-four somehow and kicked my butt, over, and over, and over, and so on.

then after a while of that everyone sort of came all at once, mostly, and sat around, played some more chess and connect-four, ate noddles and hung out, until three when we started church and had a really good meeting because we had three boys there (Sergei who prefers to be call "Serka", Kuido, and a boy i think is called something like "õss", i'n not sure his real name) who, despite the fact that they disrupted everything, did hear what we said in church (i hope) and asked some good questions. so that all went well, mostly, but now it's 10:50 at night and i'm dead. my knee still hurts, my throat feels like i ate sandpaper, and i'm about to collapse of exuastion, but that's the way i like things, this is Chris, signing off!




wait a minute, that sounds really wierd, lets change it to "ok, i wrote the stupid thing now go away" or something like that. ;-) Cya everyone!!

Estonian Indedence Day (#1)

guess what day it is today? Estonian national independence day! the first one! here in Estonia we have two indepedence days, the first one, today, from when they kicked out some nasty ruling country in the early 1900s ("1918, is my guess" says one Estonian friend who doesn't pay attention in history class) , and the second one, was in 1989 (says my friend who doesn't pay attention in class. i thought it was 1992 but i'll trust the Estonian.) on august 20th. so anyway today is a national holiday, and just because i'm so lazy i am taking it as a holiday too. i've watched TV almost all day and i feel GREAT!! like frosted flakes!! today is what they call a "suur filmipäev" or "big movie day" so i've been watching all sorts of fun stuff. i watched part of two simpsons episodes, "The Majestic" and an Estonian movie called "kevade" which i watched completely in estonian, without any english translation whatsoever. and i understood most of it too. and by the way, the best translation for "kevade" would be something like "of summer". and i feel i have to brag about watching this because it was an old, black and white, soviet times movie. it was like fifty years old!! so i want every one to say "oh, Chris, you are wonderful. you are talented. you are capable of watching and mostly understanding old Estonian movies!!" and after your done saying that you must all give me reeses and root beer. so there!! so now that i have bragged about that and told you about Estonian independence day i think i may be done blogging. i just want mention that i am very upset with all my Estonian friends who don't pay attention in history class!! the whole time i've been blogging i have also been on MSN bugging any Estonian i came in contact with to tell me the simple things 1. what is the date of the second independence?: partly answered, told the year by a friend, found the date myself (it's sad when an American can do these things faster) 2. who ruled Estonia before the first independence?: no one knows, apperantly before the first independence all of Estonia was uncivilized tribes living in mud huts(joke), until (says another helpful friend) some dude named "Konstantin Päts" from pärnu, Estonia became the first Estonia prime minister guy. and my third question was the: 3. are all Estonian girls really blond? or do they always fake it?: the answer-it's fake. so now i am done, good bye!

It's a miracle...

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IT'S ALIVE!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! MY EVIL EXPERIMENT HAS COME TO LIFE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

whew! haven't blogged in a while, but as the title of this post says i am still alive (for the most part) and happy (despite the fact that...well...the fact that...the fact that i can't think of anything to be unhappy about, which is far worse than it sounds), i know you guys think every time i stop writing it means i'm dead, but i'm sorry to inform you i'm pretty hard to kill, and your not getting rid of me for quite a while yet. right now i just left estonian class, well not just left but left recently, you know, within the last year or something. so, for lack of much else to write about, i will complain about the class. but my current problem is i fell exceedingly optimistic and can't think of much to complain about, so let me rack my brains for ideas...*rack*rack*rack*...got it!! i just want to remind everyone that because i am so wickedly cool (or uncool) i am in a college/university (whatever) estonian class, so the place is filled with college age chicks from all over the world who for some strange reason decided to drop out of the sky and into the university of tartu. so the basic inventory of my class would be this: assorted college age dudes and dudets (if you will forgive my use of the terms), an older (as in older than my parents) australian american lady, my parents, and me. sound exciting? well it is. but the only problem is this, the teacher usually asks us to work in pairs, and for some reason this whole being married thing makes my parents think they should be a pair (which i am sure there is logic for somewhere, but no one knows where *;-)* ) so i'm left to fend for myself and find a partner. why can't i bring my friend Anneli to be my partner? she could translate everything!! so for a partner this class with our friend mrs. pene piip, which, no offense to anybody is meant by this post, i, for some strange reason, would totally prefer to have that hot german chick in the back be my partner. not sure why but having some one young, beautiful and hopefully single as a partner appeals to me. which just shows that i've tottally forsaken logic and fallen to the dark side, courtesy of darth vader, darth traya, darth revan, darth malak, darth sidious, darth maul, darth sion, darth nilus, darth tyranus, and all my dark side star wars buddies (all real star wars characters. if i where in stars wars i'd be darth kurisu by the way). so that's the only thing i can think of to complain about at the moment, the fact that i didn't get to get paired up with a good looking 20-something year old. i'll probably blog more later, like within a year, but now i gotta go, Cya

"I like to move it, move it!!!"

hey, just because i know you guys love to laugh at me i wanna tell you a story. the other day i downloaded everybody's favorite song, "i like to move it", done by some big Euro DJ called Crazy Frog. now this is not the exact same song that's in the movie madagascar but it's still pretty good. so lately i've been listening to this song made by the demented amphibian and on saturday night i had just watched one of those stupid movies where these loser kids go to camp and get beat up by the jerks, but in the end the losers perservere and beat the crud out of the jerks. now of course some idiot always has to stick in some peverted 10 year old love story about the main hero and the most beuatiful girl in camp. sickening. but it made me kinda all resentful, going "the stupid 10 year old nerd who's never even heard of estonia can get a girl and become the most popular guy on earth at the same time and only at the age of ten! and i'm sixteen and look at me...*grumble*...*grumble*..." you guys know how that goes. so i decided that i had to do something to make myself feel better, and i had all the equipment i needed, a MP3 player, music made by a deranged quadripad and a fairly clear floor. and i decided to do something i never do in public, i danced!! and just for the heck of it i got the video camera, set it up and didn't hit play but just pointed it at me so i could watch myself. man, i have never laughed so hard in my life. i am a hilarious dancer, if i may say so myself. so i had a little dance party. and then after half an hour of "i like to move it" set on repeat i plopped down on my bed and had a nice conversation with my significant other. what? you don't know who my significant other is? no it's not a girl!! it's not even a human!! or a mentally unstable green animal!!! it's my mentally unstable green pillow. i have this pillow i've had since i was 11 that i made myself and it is the on thing that i really have a connection with. when i was in new york, it was there. when i moved to pennsylvania, it was there. when i moved to estonia and was so depressed at first, you guessed it, it was here. and it still is, even though is a little worse for the wear. so after explaining to my pillow why i felt it neccesary to dance i danced a little more, then collapsed on my bed and fell asleep, all in all, a good end to the day. so here's my advice to you, if your ever in a bad mood, make everyone go away, lock yourself in a room and set up a mirror or something so you can see yourself and then just do one thing, dance!! but make sure you have some damaged mental health music with froggy voices in it, that makes everything more fun!!

one other thing i want to talk about, have any of you heard of the website orkut? no? good, i hate it. it's this big stupid site where you can talk to people all over the world, which some of my friends who have never left estonia think is a good thing, to bad i don't agree. if you wanna meet freaks just walk around old town tallinn. but despite the fact i hate this site i am on it, and if any of you are let me know. i of course don't use my real name, on orkut my first name is "kurisu" and my last name is "on hull ameriklane" which altogether is "kurisu on hull ameriklane" or in english "kurisu is a crazy american" which is true, because kurisu is me. but i do find this website extremely useful for one thing, stalking people!! no, i don't really stalk people, that's to scary. but i am very proud of myself because i can find so many people on this site, i have found salvationists in finland, and i thought i knew every young person who went to the salvation army in estonia but i guess i don't, i can't watch a whole country for goodness sake!! and i also find it useful for defending estonia and estonians, because aperantly estonian girls have earned a reputation as "slutty" which i don't think they earned (well they could stop wearing mini skirts so much) so i defend them quite ardently as inteligent beautiful nice people. so that is the only uses i can find for this stupid site, i hate it but if your on it (and i haven't already "stalked" you, like i have with all the kolgata and going up people) then let me know.

so i hope you guys all think i'm crazy now, i like to dance and go on stupid websites. but dancing especially. well i'm gonna go now, Cya!!!!

oh cursed am i....just kidding!! (with a special geust)

fmn nfhmrjtfujrj m,eriuasaznfZfvn d rfvj f p et e r sxsjewo3wnqR5D

that was my brother peter, he thought he should his input on this post. isn't he a great special guest? anyway, the reason i wrote "oh cursed am i" was partly to make you guys go "not again..." and partly because i do think there is some sort of conspiracy going on. remember when i said i'd be fine because i was opening a new game? well there's a funny story about that so i'll tell you about it. i got this game, star wars:republic commando, for christmas from my aunt and from the second i first saw it i knew it would be bad luck. not because it was a crappy game, far from it. not because it was rated AO (adults only) for blood, gore, and mature sexual themes, it definitely had nothing like that to make it bad luck. the only thing to make it bad luck was this, i had asked for it on X-box (always my prefered way of playing a game) and gotten it on computer. now for me i don't care to much what gaming platform my game is on, and it was quite a simple mistake, but i had a bad feeling about this game all the same ("i have abd feeling about this." "shut up han solo!"). so i decided to save it for a time when i was bored out of my skull with my other games, which just so happened to be this last week. so i opened up the box, unwrapped the CD and stuck it into my computer. i have installed so many games so many different times that i know how it works. "insert disc one, manual install, go into start under 'lucasarts', let it install until it asks for disc two, insert disc two, press continue, flip through manual until game is done installing" pretty basic stuff for a veteran gamer like me. but i was pumped and excited about this game, i really, REALLY wanted to play. i had played a demo on X-box and it was soooo cool, so i was jumping in my seat going "come on come on come on!!!!" i waited until it asked for disc two and then took out disc one and put in disc two, and pressed continue imediately, wait, that's not right. i'm supposed to wait a minute for the computer to recognize the disc before i do that!! AHHHHH!!! well not really so big an "ahh" more of a "ahhh". a little box popped up saying "bla bla bla, bla, bla bla, program will terminate, bla, bla, bla bla." so whatever, that set me back fifteen minutes, who cares, i repeated the process, this time taking my time, reading the manual twice through as it installed, and it worked perfectly. i was very happy. but the problem was i had twenty minutes left on the computer, well, i thought that maybe playing the first mission would only take twenty minutes anyway so i booted up the game and got ready to party!!! the game started up just fine, i created an acount as "Kurisu" (if you ever see the name kurisu anywhere it is most likely me, because besides my blog and one of my email addresses i never use my real name online) which is my name in japanese and also my video game alias/nickname. so i started a new game and it said "The Beggining" and the ever annoying but oh so familiar phrase all we gamers know so well "LOADING". and it loaded in about a minute, longer than i'm used to waiting for a game but i kept telling myself "this is a really good one, it's worth the wait". ten minutes went by, the game now said it was fully loaded, but the hard drive had stopped making noise, never a good sign. i tried hitting escape (esc) nothing. i tried hitting enter, nadda. i tried hitting the space bar, repeatedly, not even a little thing happened, nothing at all. and finally, defeated, i hit the ever faithful combo "ctrl, alt, delete" and i waited. nothing happened. i tried again, and again, and again. nothing. so i finally called my dad up to help, and he tried everything i tried and he couldn't make it work. so we had to shut it down the nasty way, pressing the button, the EVIL button, and the computer turned off. i tried again the next day with the same results. and finally figured out that my computer just isn't compatible with such a great game. so now i hate my computer, but whatever, i probably would have hated my computer for something anyway.

well anyway, what did you think of that story? fun? i know you guys love to laugh at me, but the good thing is i now have a diabolical plan. when i go back to america i am going to sell some old computer games, some old x-box games, some old nintendo 64 games, and my x-box and use all that money to buy an x-box 360, which is just as good as an x-box only better. and i would keep all my good x-box games because i can still play them on the 360. if i buy the 360 used then i might be able to afford just with the money from what i sell. so that's my diabolical plan, so if any of you have crappy games then i'd be more than happy to them off your hands because even selling a game for 10 dollars is something. sell 15 games for 10 dollars and i can buy a new 360, now that's an idea... but anyway, i just want to say some things to two people. kristi i know your my friend but i have some bad news for you. hawai was a bad place for you to move because now i have two reason's to come to hawai some time, 1 because hawai is cool, and 2 because you live there. so don't surprised if someday you see me walking around hawai looking lost. and sarah, you got me a birthday present? oh oh oh!! what is it!!! the suspense is killing me!!! but whatever. just wanted to tell you that us losers here in estonia miss you, yes, even me. we never noticed how much we all liked you until you were gone...so sad...*sniff* but whatever, you also picked a bad place to move because i have half a million reasons to visit pennsylvania, so someday i will definitely show up with a root beer in one hand and a cheese steak in the other. now good bye everyone, i'm hungry and i wanna go eat!!

University!! (or "the bane of the chris")

hey, quess what. i hate universities, i hate them all. they keep sending me all this stuff saying "oh please come to our university!! we have this, that and those thingys that make us so much greater than that other university!!" but then "that other university" says the exact same thing!! i am trying to look into a university to go to because in the future i can tell everyone "i went to university" and they will all be very impressed. so i'm looking at all these places, there's some places in indiana, there's houghton college in new york where my mom went, and the place i kind of like right now is in california. i have two main resons for liking the one in california, the first reason is it has a funny name i can't pronounce, they call it "azusa pacific university", now say it fives times fast, come on. and also if i go there i can say "DUDE, I, LIKE, TOTALLY LIVE NEAR HOLLYWOOD, ROCK ON DUDE!!" which i normally say anyway, but whatever dude. so anyway i am looking at college university things and i just don't like any of them, i think i'm gonna go to the "i hate college university thingys" university, that seems much more logical. or more likely to choose a college i'm am going to play a very elaborate game of "eeny meeny miny mo", because from here they all look the same. and i am already in university anyway!! by the way, did i mention that for my new estonian class i am going to the university of tartu and taking the class with a real university teacher and with real university students!! isn't that cool? so i think i'll just go to the university of tartu and major in estonian language and get married to a beautiful estonian girl, doesn't that sound for a nice plan for my life? no, i didn't think so either, learning the second hardest to learn language on earth is to boring. but anyway, thats all i have to say on the subject of colleges/universities.

well actually that's all i have to say about anything, so Cya all later.

ummm...hi

hey, i feel i owe you guys a tiny apology. i just wanted to let you guys know i'm not horribly depressed, well i am a little. but only a little bit. and i really have ni right to dump on you guys and exagerate feeling depressed. because i'm not all that depressed, i'm just tired of...like i said before, everything. but now i just opened a new computer game and i will be fine, i find drowning my worries in the bodies of computer enemies works well. well anyway, just wanted to say that quick thing, now Cya!

ugh...why does life have to be so...life!?!

ok, this is annoying now. a sick day can be good at the right time, but i've been sick since sunday and i'm basically sick of being sick!! being sick is good when it lets you dodge responsibility and get out of things you don't want to do, but being sick when it causes you to miss things you were looking forward to and makes you have trouble getting your work done then it's very inconvient. so i better be all better tommorow, tommorow i have youth group to lead, and i can't do that without a clear head. i have already told you guys this and i hate to keep saying it, but i am depressed, i'm sick of winter, i need a break from life. i know what i need! i need to hibernate!! yeah!! only problem is that i'd hibernate for a few hours, get bored and wake up, that's the problem with being human. why can't i be a big bear, that would be so cool. i could go up to tourists in a park and go "GRRRRRR!!! I'M A BEAR!!!" and they'd all be like "AHHH!! A BEAR!! CALL THE PARK RANGER, LET'S SHOOT IT!!" and then i would have no option except to say "ahh crud..." and make a run for it and become a fugitive bear, on the run from the feared government agents know only as...park rangers!! but anyway, so i'm all depressed and because i'm so stupid i make myself more depressed by listening to semi-depressing music. now let me explain my music, i have music for every mood, it works like this : angry=linkin park happy=relient k depressed=yellow card really hyper and energy=skillet and for those moods when i just feel...odd i break out my good old eiffel 65 CD and sing "i'm blue da ba dee da ba die, da ba dee, da ba die..." and so on. so last night i was getting myself all depressed, which of course was not smart, and i started thinking about the fact that i have no friends...wait a minute, that's not true! for some reason whenever i'm depressed i feel that i have no friends, and the logical part of my brain and whatever the heck part is the depressed part seem to have a conversation that goes something like this:

logic-of course you have friends stupid, what makes you think that you don't?
depressed-i dunno, i just feel so alone...i'm singing "...even though your next to me i still feel so alone..." along with yellow card and getting so depressed...
logic-well snap out of, of course you have friends, there's...you know...that person...
depressed-SEE!! even you can't think of anyone!!
logic-yes i can! do you really want me to start naming?
depressed-go for it!
logic-well there's anneli, evelin, eero, anton...do you want me to keep going?
depressed-but none of them live anywhere near me...
logic-well then, you want closer? theres maret, liis, jaanika, sigrit...everyone from youth group! come on!!
depressed-but do you notice something? they're all girls. only half speak english, and only half those that speak english speak to me!!
logic-guess i didn't think of that! *poof*
depressed-no, you didn't! *poof*

and they both dissapear in little "poofs", logic soundly defeated, running with it's tail between it's legs, while depressed wallows in misery. not much fun there. i'm just so tired of the world. i hate this feeling, i feel there is something that i really wanna get rid of, something really bugging me, but i can't figure out what it is!! and then there's also something that i desperately want and need but, again the same problem, what is it? i'll figure something out...but you want to hear the worst thing? being all depressed is stealing the one thing that usually helps me kill any depression, i'm getting tired of my video games. seriously, you can only kill about 1000 people before it gets old. in one of my favorite games (star wars:battlefront II) which i only got a little over a month and a half ago i have already killed 4548 times, and only been shot down 674 times, whihc may sound extreme, but it's not really. so despite the fact that i have great skill at playing video games, and usually take large amounts of joy from playing them, they are just getting...old. i need something new. not like a new game (not that that's a bad idea) i just need something...anythin. i keep thinking about the beatle's song "help" you it goes: "Help, i need somebody. help, not just anybody..." urgh, life is just so...so...life!!! what i think might be bugging me is i have no one to talk to, i mean i have my parents but sometimes you just don't want to talk to your parents. especially since most of the time rather than making me feel better they just make me feel like it's my fault. no fault of theirs of course. but i just feel like i need someone to talk to, and either i don't know anyone well enough, or they live to far away, or they obviously find the dog junk on the bottom of thier shoe much more interesting than me, or there is one person who i know would love to talk to me but i'm constantly going to great pains to avoid her so that doesn't help. i just feel trapped in...everything. i'm trapped in estonia. i'm trapped in this house. i'm trapped in this city. i'm trapped in my room. i'm trapped with my family. i'm trapped in the cold, evil harshness of winter. i'm trapped in my own head. and so just sit, listening to yellow card, feeling depressed. here's some good lines from the song "back home" from yellow card, most of the song doesn't apply to me to me but these 2 lines do : "sometimes i need someone to say 'you'll be alright, what's on your mind?" and then there's

"Back home [i guess for me you could say that's america]
I always thought I wanted so much more [in america i always wanted this, that and the other, there were always new games and things that i wanted, but now...]
Now I'm not too sure
Cause sometimes
I miss knowing somone's there for me [i know there's people here for me in estonia but sometimes it doesn't feel like it...]
And feeling free..." [and i never feel free in the winter, in the summer i can go anywhere, do anything, but in the winter...man i hate it]

so anyway, there you have yet another erraticly depressing blog post, i just need to make it to april...if i can can survive until april then the sun will return...man i hope april hurries up!! ok everyone, i have got to go now, bye!

Sick Day!! Yay!!

oh thank god...i finally got sick! wait, what's that? you think it's odd i'm happy i got sick? well in my personally strange opinion i feel that one day of being sick to my stomach and eating next to nothing is worth it, know why? no? then i will impart my knowledge on you! or to you! or for you! or something! that means i get to lie around all day! just because of the small fact that i was scik to my stomach and barely could get out of bed meant that i got one day, just one precious 24 hour cycle, of rest! THANK GOD!!! i really, really, really really, like totally, really, really, kinda really needed a day of lying around. well i got it, and despite the fact that my stomach still hurts, and i still had to babysit the siblings and go to Estonian class, i feel great!! just slightly tired....zzzz.....zzzz.....zzzz....huh?!?! wazzahekyawan?!?! oops! i'm so sorry!! i fell asleep, thats what happens when you're exuasted! okay, i gotta stop. if i keep going on like this i will definitely start exagerating...more. so anyway not much new to report in my life, bored, still feeling sick and tired ("i'm sick an' tired, of always bein' sick an' tired!!") and ready for a nap, but whatever, thus is life. i might write more later because i have this horrible nagging feeling there was more i wanted to say and that i forgot to say it, oops! Bye!

Hey Guys! I Wanna Argue With You Guys About Sicience!!

No, really. I want to argue about science with you guys. You know why? Two reasons, 1. I’m a Christian (has nothing to do with me wanting to argue about science) and 2. I am a supporter of both evolution and the big bang THEORY (the word theory must be stressed when talking about the “big bang”). Now before you pull out your anti-heretic shotguns finish reading this post, then you can dismember me as you wish. When it comes to the “big bang theory”, which is one of the most heavily disputed points between Christians and modern scientists, I believe one thing. I read this one on a bumper sticker and fell in love with it, “God said it and…BANG it happened”. In the bible all it isn’t that detailed when it talks about creation, and the reason I believe that is that we don’t need a whole big bunch of details or the bible would require a whole pick-up truck to carry it around in. it simply says: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.”(Genesis 1:1 Short but sweet, that’s one of the things I like about the bible, if it’s got a point to make it doesn’t beat around the bush. So the only real description the bible gives of how God created the heavens and the earth, which is repeated throughout the story of creation (until he makes man), is God saying “Let there be…” and there was. It doesn’t say “God said let there be this, that, and the other, but do it without a bang so I don’t get a headache” it says nothing like that. But in my opinion, God is an all powerful God, and so why not make some noise while creating the universe? I like to think of God as a good humored kind of guy, so why wouldn’t he have fun, make some things go “BANG!!!” seems perfectly logical to me. And from my studies I have learned one very important thing, God is both a perfect God and a perfectly logical God, when he does some thing it makes sense. But the important thing to remember when discussing the big bang theory is that it is, no matter how hard you try to change it, a theory. Now for you to understand the importance of it being a theory I will explain the scientific method a little.

In science you start off with a hypothesis, which is an idea or an observation, and then you go and try to prove it. Now to do that you have to collect data, and if you get enough logical, correct, well tested data, then your hypothesis evolves, and you got a big, fat, ugly theory staring you down. Now a theory is the spot between a fantasy and a fact, not quite proven but not unproven either. If you can have that theory survive several generations of data, all consistent with your theory, then you can proudly say that you now have a scientific law. But hear is the flaw in the scientific method and the big reason why science can’t prove anything (yessir, I did just say science can’t prove anything), a scientific theory can still be wrong. There was a dude name Aristotle a long, long time ago (around 330 BC) and he noticed that if you leave some meat out for a couple of days after a while maggots will appear on it (yuck!!!). so he came up with the hypothesis that the maggots where being created by the meat. Or more that rotten meat spawns maggots. And he tested this on several things, for example, stick a sweaty shirt and some grains in a box and within a few weeks you got yourself a mouse! It’s a modern miracle! Or not, back in his time houses weren’t as well insulated and mice could easily chew into a box that smelled so, um, interesting. And you can’t really tell if the mouse had chewed in or out of the box, could you? Now this hypothesis came to be known as “spontaneous generation” and as this was tested over hundreds of years maggots always appeared on the meat so it from hypothesis to theory to scientific law, but then in the mid 1600 hundreds some dude said “that doesn’t sound right!” so he did the same experiments except for one thing, he put the meat in containers and covered it with netting fine enough to let air in but keep maggots out, he waited a long time but no maggots would appear on that meat, he and similar scientists used those same methods to disprove al the experiments and proved that nothing on earth just appears, everything comes from somewhere. Which also disproves that little bit about us evolving from some single-celled organism millions of years ago that just appeared, because it has been shown that nothing just appears, it’s not logical.

And now on to my other point, evolution. Evolution is a very hotly debated topic even among Christians, some say that it goes against creation, the bible, and God. I, for one, disagree. Any intelligent person can see just looking at the history of the planet, the way humans change, the way animals change, to see that evolution does happen and is a logical process. Now I am not saying the humans evolved from monkeys, far from it, in the bible it clearly says: “Then God said, “Let us make people in our image, to be like ourselves. They will be masters over all life-the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the livestock, wild animals, and small animals. So God created people in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:26-27) now the interesting thing in these verses is that it says “They will be masters over all life” and for some reason I think that includes monkeys, and you also notice it repeatedly says that we are created in his image, patterned after him, so to say that our first ancestors were monkeys is to say God looks like a monkey, and I think that’s a little sacrilegious, even for me. An example of human evolution, if you will forgive this example is this, when a African man and a Caucasian women (or vice-versa) get married and have children then their children are neither completely African in skin color, or completely Caucasian in skin color. Or also you can say how come American men are usually taller than Japanese men? Because of the lifestyle, first the Bristish, and then Americans have had, a rather rich, posh life with lots of food and nourishment it makes sense that they as an entire people group grew big and tall. Now in Japan, a country that during most of its history has been ruled by emperors and shoguns, and which during those times in it’s past the majority of the people were considered “peasantry” and were not as well fed, and therefore the smaller you were, the less food you needed, and the more likely you were to survive, so only the small survived while the large starved to death and did not pass on their tall genes. So there you have two examples of human evolution from the last 1000 years, logical? There is such thing as evolution, but we, as humans, were created by God, not evolved from monkeys. So now I rest my case on both my scientific arguments.

I just want to say a few things to end this post, I try to keep my blog as politically correct as possible and if anything here offended you I am most sorry. And that remark about Africans about Caucasians was not meant to be racist, it was taken from observation of my own family. And now some fun stuff I wanna say. Do you know how women got the now “women”? when god created Eve, Adam woke up, saw here, turned to God and said “WHOA MAN!! Good job!!” and they thought the name “whoa man” sounded a little odd so they changed it to “woman”. And also here is some bible trivia, do you know where in the bible it takes about baseball? Genesis 1:1 says something like “In the big inning…” I’m not sure that’s correct but whatever. Hope you liked this post, I just want to note for anyone wondering that I used a “New Living Translation” bible for this post and usually do for any posts I do. Now I got to go,

Your Nutty Friend,
Chris

Youth Group!!

Hey every one!! guess what? youth group just ended and i am winded! we had a rather large group (understatement) and dang they were a crazy bunch, 10 altogether, not including me, 3 girls, 7 guys. which might not seem bad, only ten, but i'm sixteen, and i was in charge. not easy, not at all! what was meant to be a nice little talk about where our devotion lies (god? money?) turned into what always happens with this group, question crossfire, with me and my poor translater, maret (who i will not insult in this post) stuck in the middle. "where did god come from?" "what about the big bang?" "so what the purpose of your life?" "how could god forgive me? i've sinned too much!" and all that fun. so i must say i am proud of myself and maret for standing up against all that, and we gave some pretty snappy smart answers, and we sent 'em packing with a load on thier mind. i did get to finish my talk, but i stick by my belief that the curriculim i'm useing is a bit advanced for our current group. this curriculim thingy is made for people who already are christians, ok we got at least three of those, including me. so it ain't so bad. but in the middle of all this i got an idea, i won't call it "divine inspiration" or anything like that, but all good ideas come from somewhere. i'm thinking that some day i need to have a get together and i will call it something cool like "crossfire" (how does that translate?) and the whole point will be for them to fire questions at us. so please just keep our whole youth group in prayer.

now i gotta go, i'll Cya later, Bye1

man i love my blog...

i love getting such great feedback! my mom (i'm assuming it was her) left me this great verse: "Better to live in a desertthan with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife." (Proverbs 21:19)! isn't that cool? i guess the bible isn't against me. i never really thought it was in the first place though so that really proves nothing. and for your information little ms. M. ParkButt (and if you can't figure out who you are you're stupider than i thought) you were one of the three girls i mentioned. i said three because i didn't want to sound like a loser. and besides the reasons i already stated in my last post (didn't you even read it?) the other two girls are much to flighty for my taste, they'd be bored and move on in a week. but thats enough of that, and now on to music news!

i don't normally do anything like talk about music news ("yes you do!!" "shut up, random-passerby!!") but here is some nice news, tonight at 10 pm estonia time (3 pm east coast america time) on this radio station i have been all excited about (www.y100rocks.com) they will be interviewing Yellow Card!! a really, really cool band!! and i'm planning to listen, i don't really care too much what you do. so anyway just let me tell you a little bit about Yellow Card (i know you don't wanna know but i'm the one writing this blog and if you wanna read it you have to put up with my stupidity). i love them for two big reasons, the first being that whenever i listen to them i feel 13 again. now that sounds funny coming from a 16 year old but seriously, i would give anything to go back three years to when the world was simpler. and the second reason is i have a passionate love for (and you would never guess this) the violin. i think violins are some of the most beautiful instruments on earth, and i love 'em. and what's special about Yellow Card(besides thier wierd name)? the have a wicked cool violinist who makes the band rock. without the violin this would be just another band, but with the violin...mmmwwwaaahhh!! (kissing my MP3 player) so anyway, that's all for now, i'll write more someday...like tommorow....Bye!!