John 3:19-21 NIV
“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”
Matthew 5:13-16 NIV
“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”
Matthew 12:30 NIV
"He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather with me scatters.”
Either you are in the light or you are out if it. I don’t care if you’re Anglican, Baptist, Catholic, Methodist, Nazarene, Presbyterian, Salvationist, or any other denomination. If you claim to follow Jesus Christ, making you a Christian in name, you have no middle ground. You can’t be in the shadow! You can’t say, “I don’t like the light, but I love the shadow” No! There is no shadow. There is light and there is darkness. Why is it that those that point out these basic biblical truths are considered politically incorrect and eccentric? You can’t be in the light on Sundays, but clinging to the dark on Monday! You can’t be in the world, but not of it, on Sundays when you wallowed in worldliness all day Saturday! You’re either for Jesus or against him. Take your pick, stand your ground. Don’t flop back and forth. It’s not an option. Jesus isn’t fooled by your acts, even if everyone else is. Please, I beg you, choose where you stand and don’t move. Thank you.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Girls day out!
Well, I just had a day out with the girls and it was fun. Liis needed a graduation dress (she likes to shop early) and so Anneli, Evelin and I helped her out. Anneli, Evelin and Liis have all told me in the past that they would love to have a gay friend to go shopping with, because the stereotypical gay guy is fun, girly and has an amazing sense of style. Sort of a “Fab 5” type guy. So for today I did my best to play the part, only without being gay and girly. And mostly without having a great sense of style, so pretty much just being my fun old self, and throwing in my fashion thoughts occasionally. So that was quite an exciting adventure. I’ve never really gone on a 3 hour shopping trip for 1 piece of clothing before. But whatever. It was fun. Now I’m home again, taking care of my sick mother and crazy siblings. And now that my brother is going to sleep I’m blogging. I’m actually pretty bored right now. And I would like to write a different blog post. And I may just write it and never post it. But whenever there’s things that I want to blog about that might offend people I pause and ask myself,
1. Who will this offend?
2. How much damage will it do?
3. How important to me is it to write about this particular subject?
Normally it’s not worth the damage it will cause. And this particular post I feel will do more damage than good. In fact, because I’m pretty sure I know who does and doesn’t read my blog, it will probably do no good. Because the people who I want to read it never will. Wait a minute! I just got a great idea! Almost no one is offended by bible verses, so I’ll write out some bible verses that give the same message I want to give and then post that! And then I’ll just pray that through FaceBook or on a random whim to look at my blog the intended audience will see it. And even if they never do, who cares. Maybe there’s someone else who needs this message too. That’s a good idea. I’ll get to work on that right away, now Cya!
1. Who will this offend?
2. How much damage will it do?
3. How important to me is it to write about this particular subject?
Normally it’s not worth the damage it will cause. And this particular post I feel will do more damage than good. In fact, because I’m pretty sure I know who does and doesn’t read my blog, it will probably do no good. Because the people who I want to read it never will. Wait a minute! I just got a great idea! Almost no one is offended by bible verses, so I’ll write out some bible verses that give the same message I want to give and then post that! And then I’ll just pray that through FaceBook or on a random whim to look at my blog the intended audience will see it. And even if they never do, who cares. Maybe there’s someone else who needs this message too. That’s a good idea. I’ll get to work on that right away, now Cya!
Saturday, March 29, 2008
I love spring in Estonia!
Well, that’s spring! Today as I walked down the street enjoying the beautiful spring weather I saw this and just knew I had to take a picture. That’s right, today, Friday, March 28, 2008, when beautiful green shoots of grass should be sprouting up in fields filled with wildflowers, the snow has taken over. Welcome to spring in Estonia. The snow is white, the grass is dead, I am cold. This is annoying. I want it to be warm! I want to go swimming! I want to go around in a T-shirt! Or at least just a hoody! I mean seriously, last year it wasn’t this bad. Notice that nasty slush? I did, or more specifically my feet did when I slipped in it. Notice how deep that snow is? Guess who had to trudge through that! Yeah, yeah, you get it. Spring hasn’t come yet and I wish it would. Well whatever. At least the sun was out! I love the sun! For the first time in months I went out with my sunglasses! It was great. I am so happy! I put on ATC’s “Around the World” and sang, “The kisses of the sun/were sweet I didn’t blink/I let them in my eyes/like an exotic drink” The sun was great. Though it did make it seem as if I were swimming through slush at times. And if I couldn’t jump so far then I would have been in big trouble. But it was okay. I was happy.And that was the subject of youth group at the Methodist church. Happiness! I was one of the four people who said they were very happy today (on a scale going from very unhappy to very happy). Because I’m just generally a pretty happy person. Who cares about snow and slush and yuckiness, I’m alive and happy for it! Today was interesting because Liis came up from Tartu and so her and I were bickering as usual. But then, because she doesn’t know her away around, I walked her back to where she was staying. It was interesting because as we walked she told me about some creepy guy who had stalked her, and then we picked up a stalker! We had been speaking in English of course, and when drunk guys in need of more alcohol hear English they make a connection really fast. English=American=Money! So this guy started following us. But, being drunk, he didn’t do it in a very sneaky, stalkerish fashion. So, having just finished a discussion about a creepy stalker, I walked a little closer to Liis and we both sped up a little. I thought we had lost him when we got to the front door of where she was staying and just as she was pulling out her phone to get them to let her in our stalker friend rounded the corner. Being the quick thinking and bold defender that I am I quickly suggested we walk around the block so he wouldn’t know where she was staying. Because drunk or not, having guys who follow you home at 10:30 PM know where you live is bad.
So we walked to the end of the street and talked a bit more, and because this particular street was disgusting and slushy, our friend the stalker decided we weren’t worth it and left. But then on the way back she commented on how nice I was being to her, and I pointed out that despite what she might think I actually really do care about my friends. Remember, this is the girl I described as being hard to figure out because she can seem like a hard-hearted jerk and still remain your friend. And for most of the last two years I’ve returned the same to her. This led to a discussion of when we used to be friends and actually act like it. And we nailed the cause. This same cause that you may remember I was freed of in my now hidden “I’m free” post. So now we’re meeting tomorrow and I’ve got a mission. Someone who was a close friend to both of us hurt a lot of people very deeply, and hurt both of us, and in the process did a lot of damage to our friendship. Now this juggernaut of relational destruction is mostly out of the picture, so I think it’s time Liis and I became friends again. True friends, like we were years ago. So tomorrow is a new day, and it should be interesting. I’m on a mission of reconciliation. Let’s see how this works out. But before that I need some sleep, so good night!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
A covenant with my eyes.
Now that’s a cool post title! Let’s see, I wonder what I’m going to write about. Is it Matthew 5:29? “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” No, I’m not going to write about that. It creeps my out. Because, to be perfectly honest, if all of us took this verse literally we’d all be walking around grotesquely maimed. And I think Jesus, Mr. Love, wasn’t asking us to maim ourselves. So I won’t right about that verse. How about…Proverbs 30:17? “The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures.” THAT IS SO NASTY! I am totally going to take out the trash, do the laundry, and clean the house whenever my parents ask, because that is sickening. But once again, not what I’m blogging about, it’s a covenant with my eyes, so where does the covenant come in? Could it be…Genesis 17:11? “You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and you.” Umm, covenant with my eyes, not with my…yeah. I’m talking about something quite different. Wrong part of the body. Okay, enough taking verses out of context, now it’s time for me to get to the point.
Let me start from the beginning, but don’t worry, you’ll get a verse that makes this make sense at the end. Remember when I was in Finland? Neither do I. But I’ll dig deep into my memory and…there it is. Finland, I was babysitting. Awesome fun. Well, while I was in Helsinki I visited what we call the “Euro Store” (like a Dollar Store, only instead of everything being one Dollar, everything is one Euro, or $1.50). While there I saw some interesting stuff, most of it useless junk, some of it useful junk, and some of it just junk. But then I saw it. The coolest necklace I had ever seen. It’s a made out of shiny blueish-silver metal and is connected by magnets, which makes the whole necklace magnetic. Then hanging off the end is a thing in the shape of an eye on its side with some sort of Chinese symbol stamped on it. Very cool. So I bought it and put it around my neck. But because I’m a weirdo I wanted to give it some sort of special meaning. I mean, I’m going to be wearing it around my neck almost all the time, and it is kind of deposing my old necklace. So it deserves a special meaning.
I don’t know what the symbol means so I couldn’t use that as my special meaning. It’s magnetic so…it makes me attractive? Well, that’s true, but it’s also just abut the world’s dumbest meaning. So that night I went to bed still turning this dilemma over in my mind. The interesting thing about that night was that my whole family and I were sleeping in the same room. One of the interesting things about me, and why I do most of my blogging at night, is that I do my best thinking right before I fall asleep. I’ll be on the verge of shutting out the world when out of no where I’ll get hit by inspiration and have to write it down. This is actually both a gift and a curse because it means I always run out of note memory in my phone and also that it takes me forever to get to sleep every night because I keep getting hit by inspirations. The reason why it was a curse this night is because, with my whole family in the room also, every time I sat up, grabbed my phone, and started tapping furiously writing down a reminder I would disturb them, much to their annoyance. So that was interesting. But this particular night I had the necklace in my mind, and so right as I was on the verge of sleep I was thinking something like this “eye…it’s eye-shaped…eyes…are eyes good? Not always…why? Because they aren’t always used for good things…what can I do about that? Hmm…*YAWN*…Eyes…what do eyes have to do with anything? Oh wait…someone said something about eyes…eyes and lust…who was it? Bob? Joe? No, JOB! Put Joe and Bob together you get Job…haha…what did Job say? Hmm…Job 31:1…“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.” Yeah! That’s it!” at this point I jumped up and irritated my family by writing that down.
So now my necklace has a meaning. This isn’t a new covenant, I’ve been hating lust for years, but now my necklace is a physical reminder and representation of my covenant. So now if you see me with a cool necklace you know that’s not just any necklace I’m wearing, I’m wearing a covenant around my neck! And if you look closely you’ll notice something. You’ll notice the glue holding it together. A few days after I got it I was playing with the kids and it slipped off my neck, flew into a brick wall, and broke. An ominous reminder of how easy this covenant is to break, and just how important it is to protect it. So now I will imagine that the symbol means “Purity” or “Covenant”, because for all I know it has no meaning, but to me it means both. It probably means something like “I am a stupid westerner who buys things with Chinese symbols on them because he thinks it’s cool” But I like having the necklace because I know Catholic priests have something similar. Catholic priests are sworn to life-long abstinence. I don’t know how they do it, and really respect them for it. I mean I think it’s hard for me to wait, believing that someday I will have a wife and will definitely NOT be abstinent anymore. But for them…wow. And so they wear a ring as a reminder of THEIR covenant. And I was in an airport once, waiting for a plane. And a priest was waiting across from me, leaning over and, I think, praying. When he finished praying he sat up and just lightly touched his ring. Just a little reminder of his covenant. So if you see me reach for my neck, I’m not about to strangle myself, it’s just a reminder. So anyway, must go now. I’m tired, and would like to go on FaceBook, though I doubt I’ll get the chance. Goodnight!
Let me start from the beginning, but don’t worry, you’ll get a verse that makes this make sense at the end. Remember when I was in Finland? Neither do I. But I’ll dig deep into my memory and…there it is. Finland, I was babysitting. Awesome fun. Well, while I was in Helsinki I visited what we call the “Euro Store” (like a Dollar Store, only instead of everything being one Dollar, everything is one Euro, or $1.50). While there I saw some interesting stuff, most of it useless junk, some of it useful junk, and some of it just junk. But then I saw it. The coolest necklace I had ever seen. It’s a made out of shiny blueish-silver metal and is connected by magnets, which makes the whole necklace magnetic. Then hanging off the end is a thing in the shape of an eye on its side with some sort of Chinese symbol stamped on it. Very cool. So I bought it and put it around my neck. But because I’m a weirdo I wanted to give it some sort of special meaning. I mean, I’m going to be wearing it around my neck almost all the time, and it is kind of deposing my old necklace. So it deserves a special meaning.
I don’t know what the symbol means so I couldn’t use that as my special meaning. It’s magnetic so…it makes me attractive? Well, that’s true, but it’s also just abut the world’s dumbest meaning. So that night I went to bed still turning this dilemma over in my mind. The interesting thing about that night was that my whole family and I were sleeping in the same room. One of the interesting things about me, and why I do most of my blogging at night, is that I do my best thinking right before I fall asleep. I’ll be on the verge of shutting out the world when out of no where I’ll get hit by inspiration and have to write it down. This is actually both a gift and a curse because it means I always run out of note memory in my phone and also that it takes me forever to get to sleep every night because I keep getting hit by inspirations. The reason why it was a curse this night is because, with my whole family in the room also, every time I sat up, grabbed my phone, and started tapping furiously writing down a reminder I would disturb them, much to their annoyance. So that was interesting. But this particular night I had the necklace in my mind, and so right as I was on the verge of sleep I was thinking something like this “eye…it’s eye-shaped…eyes…are eyes good? Not always…why? Because they aren’t always used for good things…what can I do about that? Hmm…*YAWN*…Eyes…what do eyes have to do with anything? Oh wait…someone said something about eyes…eyes and lust…who was it? Bob? Joe? No, JOB! Put Joe and Bob together you get Job…haha…what did Job say? Hmm…Job 31:1…“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.” Yeah! That’s it!” at this point I jumped up and irritated my family by writing that down.
So now my necklace has a meaning. This isn’t a new covenant, I’ve been hating lust for years, but now my necklace is a physical reminder and representation of my covenant. So now if you see me with a cool necklace you know that’s not just any necklace I’m wearing, I’m wearing a covenant around my neck! And if you look closely you’ll notice something. You’ll notice the glue holding it together. A few days after I got it I was playing with the kids and it slipped off my neck, flew into a brick wall, and broke. An ominous reminder of how easy this covenant is to break, and just how important it is to protect it. So now I will imagine that the symbol means “Purity” or “Covenant”, because for all I know it has no meaning, but to me it means both. It probably means something like “I am a stupid westerner who buys things with Chinese symbols on them because he thinks it’s cool” But I like having the necklace because I know Catholic priests have something similar. Catholic priests are sworn to life-long abstinence. I don’t know how they do it, and really respect them for it. I mean I think it’s hard for me to wait, believing that someday I will have a wife and will definitely NOT be abstinent anymore. But for them…wow. And so they wear a ring as a reminder of THEIR covenant. And I was in an airport once, waiting for a plane. And a priest was waiting across from me, leaning over and, I think, praying. When he finished praying he sat up and just lightly touched his ring. Just a little reminder of his covenant. So if you see me reach for my neck, I’m not about to strangle myself, it’s just a reminder. So anyway, must go now. I’m tired, and would like to go on FaceBook, though I doubt I’ll get the chance. Goodnight!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Prayer request.
I received an SMS yesterday saying, “Prayer request. Chris Wright (31 yrs old from Ingle Farm Salvos) taken to hospital. Heart stopped when he arrived. Now in an induced coma. Dr’s think it is a viral infection in his heart. He’s in critical condition.” and now today I received this message on FaceBook "Well, there hasn't been any change with Chris Wright today, he is still in an induced coma, this morning the Doctors started to reduce the medication that Chris is on, to bring him out of the coma, however Chris' tempture just went up again. Tomorrow the doctors are going to try again...From what i have heard the main concern that the doctors have is whether Chris will have any brain damage, as he was with out oxegen for a bit (not sure how long). So please pray that Chris will come out of the coma with no brain damage....Also pray for his wife, Shonah, reality started to kick in today. They have a child (about 18 months old) and they just bought and moved into a house. For obvious reasons she is worried... So pray that she will experience God's peace" Please pray.
The long awaited thoughts/feelings from EC08!
Let me first start out by envying my friend Matt. On my EC08 post he commented, “I think I was playing video games in my basement from March 17 to March 20th. Guess which one of us had a better time! (Hint: The one who hung out with girls)” Matt, you played video games with girls for FOUR whole days?! And I’ve seen your basement, there is no cooler place to play video games. I am so jealous...video games and girls. You lucky little...lucky person. I bet you totally pwned those girls. But anyway, I just have to say thank you to Matt for commenting, because no one EVER comments, and this makes me very sad. It makes tears run down my cheeks, and sobs jump out of my throat. I throw myself on the ground, screaming and begging for just a single comment...Do you think maybe I’m exaggerating a little? I think so to. I like your comments. Please tell me what you think. Am I inspired, insidious or insane? Or an insidiously inspired insane person? Or the most amazing guy you’ve ever met and have now fallen madly in love with? Naw, never gonna happen. Anyway, now it’s time for me to get started on my thoughts and feelings. And I have promised to be utterly and completely honest and blunt. So I hope I don’t offend anyone too much. Because English Camp really is great. But anyway, it might be good if you read this post side by side with the “What’s fun what’s great? Is it maybe…could it be…would it, should it be…EC08!” post, or at least use it as a reference. Because as I write I’m using it as a reference to make sure I keep things in the same chronological order. So let’s get started!
Day 1, March 17, 2008
As I said, I got there early. Something I wasn’t entirely happy about because I think it’s bad to stand out too much. I prefer to stick with the group whenever it’s possible. Which it rarely is, so whatever. I sat on my suitcase, looking cool. I think I may have covered too many of my thoughts and feelings in the other post. Because now I’m feeling low on things to write. I’ll get something. But anyway, seeing Eva, and speaking Estonian with her, was great. I normally don’t show off, but the fact that I can speak Estonian even as pathetically as I do is a miracle. I said in the other post that I would point out full circle moments, but then I never did. So I will in this post instead. Here is a full circle moment, speaking Estonian with the person who taught me my first Estonian.
I was slightly disappointed by the fact that my friend Liis, who was the one who convinced me to come to EC in the first place, wasn’t there. I had run out to the bus when it first arrived to carry her bag for her, but neither her, nor her bag, was there yet. She eventually showed up halfway through the main meeting, and then ignored and avoided me as much as possible through all of camp. Liis is one of my oldest friends in Estonia, and definitely my oldest friend from Tartu. We met at English Camp years ago when I was bored and lonely and had nothing to lose. Liis has always been hard to figure out simply because she can be one of the most hard hearted jerks you can imagine, but somehow remains your friend. And also she’s a lot like me in that sometimes she’ll be mean as a joke, and so it’s hard to tell if she’s pretending not to like you, or if she really just thinks you’re the scum of the earth. But last night I talked to her on MSN and she was being nice and friendly again, so I’ll just make the assumption I’ve always made. Liis was trying to act cool in front of the Americans and the “Cool” people. The fact that I am an American cool person doesn’t count because I live in Estonia and I’m not THAT cool. But I don’t really care. Because Liis is my friend on FaceBook, and that’s where it really matters, right? And also outside of EC, in real life, she’s my real friend. Whereas these Americans she loves so deeply she knows for a week or so and then disappear. So I think I’ve got it better.
Anyway, I already told about Edgar in the other post. And he really was the guy who I just clicked with. I will never understand my nerd/misfit/loser label. I don’t play video games so much anymore, so I’m not a nerd like I once was. I’m Mr. Cool among my own people, who are cool everywhere, so I’m not so much a misfit as I was once upon a time when I would sit alone in Tartu playing X-Box and feeling lonely. And I’m not a loser either. I really have become much better at everything. But whatever. I really think it just must be that I don’t feel comfortable around the “cool” people. The other nerds/misfits/losers are usually just easier to be around. So I don’t think I did much to change my image at this camp. I still hung out with Edgar. And I still had fun anyway. Another reason why I think us losers seem to want to stick together is because it does seem like a battle sometimes. The “cool” people just look so cool! And we want to be like them. But since we can’t we band together and create our own, much cooler, form of cool. I mean I’ve always thought I was hanging out with the coolest people even back when I was playing DND with people who were proud to be nerds. Because we really were cooler than all of “cool” people I knew. I think I’ve lost track of where I was going, but let me just do a quick summary. I always have been, and am, a misfit, a loser, a nerd, and an outcast. I may never understand why, and I may still be slightly hurt when I’m shunned by the “cool” people who I occasionally envy, but in truth us “nerds”, “misfits” and “losers” are way cooler anyway. At many times in the past I’ve always felt like I don’t fit in anywhere, but that’s exactly where I fit in, with those who don’t.
Going to the pool was great. You spend so long covered with warm clothes that you forget you have skin that can feel anything but clothe. But then you slip into the cool water and your whole body tingles with the sensation of the water closing around you. And in the winter I spend so much time sitting on my bed reading, or writing, or sleeping that I don’t get much exercise. The only exercise I get is walking to the tram and walking through old town. So the physical exertion of swimming laps was really nice. It’s always been my dream to be in a Triathlon, but swimming is my weakest point, so I practice whenever I can. But the pool was overrun with “cool” people and other people who didn’t want to talk to me. So besides swimming laps until my arms hurt I really had nothing to do. I considered going to the sauna, but I only like going to the sauna when I’m with other people. One time I did go with some other guys, but because the steam sauna was unisex it was filled with girls too. Then all the guys got up and left, leaving me alone in a sauna full of girls. Despite the fact that this could have been a great chance for some romancing, I felt the imbalance was too strong, and I got up and fled to the dry sauna where the other guys had gone. We all joked a little bit about how I had just fled paradise, but I’m glad I did. It gave me a chance to ask Timo what I had said when I mixed up my translation. I was trying to say “käsk” (command), but accidently said “kask” (birch tree) but the Estonians heard “pask” (a more offensive form of the word crap) so I was glad I got that cleared up.
One thing I just remembered that freaked me out is the way that Americans use “What’s up?” as a greeting rather than a question. They don’t really want to know what’s up, its how they say hi. An American would say “what’s up” or “how’s it going” and I’d answer. Then they’d give me a weird “I asked for your name not your life story!” kind of look. I thought those were questions, not greetings! When I say “What’s up?” I’m asking a question. One example of this is when I came out of the pool I saw one of the Americans I kind of knew playing a card game I didn’t recognize. So I walked up to him and said, “Hey, what’s up?” to which he replied “What’s up?”. An awkward silence ensued while I tried to figure out why he had answered my question with a question. “Umm, well I just got out of the pool…” at this point he gave me one of those odd ‘I wasn’t asking’ type looks so I just said “What are you doing?” then I finally found out the answer to my original question and got in on the game. I’m hoping I won’t have more experiences like that when I move to America. Because to me a question is a question, a greeting is a greeting. Don’t mix them up or you start destroying the language.
Anyway, that night was dancing. I really feel enormously proud of how I danced. I normally am a horrendous dancer, but I did quite well. And the girls noticed. And I noticed that they noticed. And I was happy. And I must point out that I was wrong, Liis did not throw me, someone bumped into us. That’s her side of the story anyway. All I know is that we went flying. But I do think it’s very likely that someone bumped into her from behind, causing us to careen crazily into another pair. I really don’t like polka dancing. It’s already awkward to put your hands on a girl’s hips, but then to spin around and try not to trip or smash into other people while also trying to keep a relaxed and gentle grip on the girl is nearly impossible. But all the other dances were rather easy and fun. I resent my mothers comment that my constantly referring to Mariliis as “Mariliis, my first Estonian crush” is reminiscent of the way the bible says “Judas, the one who betrayed Jesus” Especially because my mom called her M. I don’t want people to get confused about this, because I say horrible things about the person I call M. But M. doesn’t stand for Mariliis. M. stands for someone else. But speaking of Mariliis can actually bring me to my next point…
I mentioned full circle moments. Mariliis is one of those full circle people. I never did anything more in the other post than to explain that other than that she was one of my first Estonian crushes. When I first moved to Estonia I was a very lonely person. I had no friends, and, very unlike today, I was terrified of girls. But because I didn’t want to be a hermit I went to the Kolgata Baptist church youth group as a way of getting out of the house. If you went back and read some of my earliest posts then you could probably read about my experiences there. But as I was saying, I was a very lonely person, and I was trying to learn Estonian, but I had no inspiration. So I searched and searched for an inspiration, and I found it in the face of two beautiful Estonian girls from Kolgata, Kristi and Mariliis. For some reason Kristi wasn’t at EC, I don’t know why. But anyway, in my early days of Estonian learning, whenever I was feeling tired and worn out, I would remember my goal, my inspiration. Those two girls who I was desperate to talk to. So in a way it was with Mariliis’s unconscious help that I learned Estonian. I never actually did ever get to talk to her. At least not until this English Camp. But it was still special for me, especially remembering the time when I went to a camp that Kolgata did, and that Mariliis tried her best to translate for me, and now here I was translating at English Camp. It was good.
Day 2, March 18, 2008
Anyway, it was on this day that I started translating. Chris Kelly, one of our leaders, was explaining why we were joining groups and he said “…and we’re also joining to try to help bridge the language gap. Chris, you’re pretty strong in your Estonian, right?” I had kind of been day-dreaming a little and jumped and said “Oota, mida? I mean, sorry, what? Oh yeah, strong enough.” He smiled at me and said “well then, Chris, you’ll be doing translation.” So that was how I ended up translating. I had mixed feelings about translating, because of course I had told everyone that I speak Estonian, and I was now quite worried that I was going make myself look like an idiot. But I only really messed up once (the whole käsk, kask, pask, thing) so in the end I did pretty good. And people were actually impressed. I’m not used to being impressive. And as I said in the other post, this camp did great things for my self-esteem. I need this confidence in my Estonian. Because this isn’t the only time I’ll be needed for translation. So I’m very glad things worked out as they did. I’m also extremely glad the Kertu was in our group to handle any English-Estonian translation. It’s much easier to translate into your mother tongue. And doing much English-Estonian would have killed me.
After this was free time, and this is where I will talk about my thoughts on the outreach bits of English Camp. Let me start out by saying that I think that English Camp, Going Up, Lift, all that stuff is great, and is doing lots of good things. But. There’s always a “but”. I don’t always agree with the methods. I think I hold myself to a much higher standard than most Christians because I believe what it says in Matthew 6:22 is very important. “"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” it’s like the good old “be careful little eyes what you see” song. And I believe it is important to control what goes into my mind through my eyes and ears. They always play great music at EC. But then again not all of it is great. I was talking with two of the Americans who had come this is the conversation we had…American guy: “Have you ever heard the real lyrics to this song? It’s horrible!”American girl: “The real lyrics? This is bad enough already!”Guy: “No, this is the edited version, the real version is much worse.”Me: “Then why play this music? There’s tons of other good music out there that’s not like this.Girl: “Remember Chris, this is outreach…”At this point I was filling up with holy indignation, but it wasn’t my place to start shooting out my thoughts on the subject so I kept quiet. If we, as Christians, lower our standards for outreach how can we expect the people we reach out to to change their lives once they are Christians? “This song is a stumbling block to me, and I used to love it before I was a Christian, but once I learned about God I learned this song is going directly against his teaching and will for my life. I deleted it off my computer, but every time I go to a Christian event I hear it blasted!” Do you see the contradiction we create? In church we are holy, but out in the world, to tell people about Jesus, we roll in the sinful muck ourselves. I also was surprised by their choice of movie. Kingdom of Heaven. Is there any movie that can portray Christianity in a worse way? I tried to watch it, but 5 minutes in a priest is coming to a guy and saying “I am your priest, and I know your wife is burning in hell right now. If you don’t go on the crusade she’ll burn forever.” So first off the priest is being a jerk, but then our hero, the blacksmith, takes the red hot sword he’s been working on and stabs the priest. What a nice way to die. I almost left at this point, but then I thought maybe there will be some real plot, maybe this movie will be worth watching anyway. 5 minutes later Orlando Bloom is still looking sexy and has met up with some other crusaders and then some men ride up and say “we are from the bishop, that dude killed a priest, he’s under arrest” then those holy crusaders, crosses on their armor and prayers on their lips reply “you can’t arrest him if you’re DEAD!” I left at the point where the German berserker kept on fighting despite having an arrow through his neck. Nasty stuff. And such a beautiful portrayal of the part of Christian history that we should all be most proud of. I’m hoping my sarcasm is making it’s point. My friend Edgar stayed through the whole movie. Through all of EC he’d been complaining about how everyone kept talking about, as he put it, the “bla, bla, God stuff” but that night he was complaining about how sickening that movie was. I’ll remember its outreach when we stay Christian while we reach out.
Day 3, March 19, 2008
I hope I didn’t offend anyone with that little rant, but I feel very strongly about this. But I have the highest regards for English Camp and all its leaders. Craig’s talk about fear did a lot for me. And it still is. I’m now living fearlessly. Self-defense was really fun. Hmm, what else…I really used up all my topics on the other EC08 post. Craig’s talk about Jesus was good. I don’t know if anyone got saved, but I sincerely hope so. I guess the next thing I could talk about would be playing Phase 10 with Kelli and Aliina. Please forgive me, Aliina, for spelling your beautiful name wrong in the EC post. I really like nothing better then sitting with girls and playing games. This is going to sound really weird, but I’ll say it anyway. I’ve done a lot of things with girls, and the most enjoyable, most beneficial, and overall best things did not involve any physical contact, but simply a game of cards or the telling of a few jokes. That may sound weird, but it’s true. I was blissfully happy during that game. I was sad that it had to end. But then we played later, and I was happy then too. So the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and his games.
Day 4, Final day, March 20, 2008
Waking up knowing it’s the last day you’ll see someone can be a rather depressing experience. I know most people think that it’s really not that bad because of the internet and stuff, but I really don’t like talking on the computer so much. I still do it a lot out of necessity, but nothing beats face-to-face talking. But then playing Knight, Horseman, Cavalier was great. I’ve never been good at that game because I’m not the strongest guy around. But Mariliis was perfect. But I just have to wonder and kind of kick myself, why did it take me this long to get this great? I was holding Mariliis in this strong, manly way. Why couldn’t I have done that years ago instead of embarrassing myself horribly by dropping girls? But standing there, beautiful girl in my arms, I really did just realize that now I had come full circle. From the boy who was scared of girls, couldn’t speak Estonian, and wasn’t strong enough to even think about holding them up, I was now the man who chatted easily with girls, in either Estonian or English, and was now easily holding a beautiful girl in my arms. It took me time to get this good. But I’m glad I made it.
After that we left, and now I’m home. Kelli got a FaceBook so now I don’t need to go on Orkut, but I will anyway. Aliina I haven’t been able to track down anywhere. And Mariliis is my friend on Orkut and just added me on FaceBook. And Liis is my friend everywhere. Anyway, must be going now, I’ve written another 6 pages on MS word. This post if roughly the same length as the EC08 post. So I hope you’re happy. But now I’m going to be babysitting this afternoon, so Cya!
Day 1, March 17, 2008
As I said, I got there early. Something I wasn’t entirely happy about because I think it’s bad to stand out too much. I prefer to stick with the group whenever it’s possible. Which it rarely is, so whatever. I sat on my suitcase, looking cool. I think I may have covered too many of my thoughts and feelings in the other post. Because now I’m feeling low on things to write. I’ll get something. But anyway, seeing Eva, and speaking Estonian with her, was great. I normally don’t show off, but the fact that I can speak Estonian even as pathetically as I do is a miracle. I said in the other post that I would point out full circle moments, but then I never did. So I will in this post instead. Here is a full circle moment, speaking Estonian with the person who taught me my first Estonian.
I was slightly disappointed by the fact that my friend Liis, who was the one who convinced me to come to EC in the first place, wasn’t there. I had run out to the bus when it first arrived to carry her bag for her, but neither her, nor her bag, was there yet. She eventually showed up halfway through the main meeting, and then ignored and avoided me as much as possible through all of camp. Liis is one of my oldest friends in Estonia, and definitely my oldest friend from Tartu. We met at English Camp years ago when I was bored and lonely and had nothing to lose. Liis has always been hard to figure out simply because she can be one of the most hard hearted jerks you can imagine, but somehow remains your friend. And also she’s a lot like me in that sometimes she’ll be mean as a joke, and so it’s hard to tell if she’s pretending not to like you, or if she really just thinks you’re the scum of the earth. But last night I talked to her on MSN and she was being nice and friendly again, so I’ll just make the assumption I’ve always made. Liis was trying to act cool in front of the Americans and the “Cool” people. The fact that I am an American cool person doesn’t count because I live in Estonia and I’m not THAT cool. But I don’t really care. Because Liis is my friend on FaceBook, and that’s where it really matters, right? And also outside of EC, in real life, she’s my real friend. Whereas these Americans she loves so deeply she knows for a week or so and then disappear. So I think I’ve got it better.
Anyway, I already told about Edgar in the other post. And he really was the guy who I just clicked with. I will never understand my nerd/misfit/loser label. I don’t play video games so much anymore, so I’m not a nerd like I once was. I’m Mr. Cool among my own people, who are cool everywhere, so I’m not so much a misfit as I was once upon a time when I would sit alone in Tartu playing X-Box and feeling lonely. And I’m not a loser either. I really have become much better at everything. But whatever. I really think it just must be that I don’t feel comfortable around the “cool” people. The other nerds/misfits/losers are usually just easier to be around. So I don’t think I did much to change my image at this camp. I still hung out with Edgar. And I still had fun anyway. Another reason why I think us losers seem to want to stick together is because it does seem like a battle sometimes. The “cool” people just look so cool! And we want to be like them. But since we can’t we band together and create our own, much cooler, form of cool. I mean I’ve always thought I was hanging out with the coolest people even back when I was playing DND with people who were proud to be nerds. Because we really were cooler than all of “cool” people I knew. I think I’ve lost track of where I was going, but let me just do a quick summary. I always have been, and am, a misfit, a loser, a nerd, and an outcast. I may never understand why, and I may still be slightly hurt when I’m shunned by the “cool” people who I occasionally envy, but in truth us “nerds”, “misfits” and “losers” are way cooler anyway. At many times in the past I’ve always felt like I don’t fit in anywhere, but that’s exactly where I fit in, with those who don’t.
Going to the pool was great. You spend so long covered with warm clothes that you forget you have skin that can feel anything but clothe. But then you slip into the cool water and your whole body tingles with the sensation of the water closing around you. And in the winter I spend so much time sitting on my bed reading, or writing, or sleeping that I don’t get much exercise. The only exercise I get is walking to the tram and walking through old town. So the physical exertion of swimming laps was really nice. It’s always been my dream to be in a Triathlon, but swimming is my weakest point, so I practice whenever I can. But the pool was overrun with “cool” people and other people who didn’t want to talk to me. So besides swimming laps until my arms hurt I really had nothing to do. I considered going to the sauna, but I only like going to the sauna when I’m with other people. One time I did go with some other guys, but because the steam sauna was unisex it was filled with girls too. Then all the guys got up and left, leaving me alone in a sauna full of girls. Despite the fact that this could have been a great chance for some romancing, I felt the imbalance was too strong, and I got up and fled to the dry sauna where the other guys had gone. We all joked a little bit about how I had just fled paradise, but I’m glad I did. It gave me a chance to ask Timo what I had said when I mixed up my translation. I was trying to say “käsk” (command), but accidently said “kask” (birch tree) but the Estonians heard “pask” (a more offensive form of the word crap) so I was glad I got that cleared up.
One thing I just remembered that freaked me out is the way that Americans use “What’s up?” as a greeting rather than a question. They don’t really want to know what’s up, its how they say hi. An American would say “what’s up” or “how’s it going” and I’d answer. Then they’d give me a weird “I asked for your name not your life story!” kind of look. I thought those were questions, not greetings! When I say “What’s up?” I’m asking a question. One example of this is when I came out of the pool I saw one of the Americans I kind of knew playing a card game I didn’t recognize. So I walked up to him and said, “Hey, what’s up?” to which he replied “What’s up?”. An awkward silence ensued while I tried to figure out why he had answered my question with a question. “Umm, well I just got out of the pool…” at this point he gave me one of those odd ‘I wasn’t asking’ type looks so I just said “What are you doing?” then I finally found out the answer to my original question and got in on the game. I’m hoping I won’t have more experiences like that when I move to America. Because to me a question is a question, a greeting is a greeting. Don’t mix them up or you start destroying the language.
Anyway, that night was dancing. I really feel enormously proud of how I danced. I normally am a horrendous dancer, but I did quite well. And the girls noticed. And I noticed that they noticed. And I was happy. And I must point out that I was wrong, Liis did not throw me, someone bumped into us. That’s her side of the story anyway. All I know is that we went flying. But I do think it’s very likely that someone bumped into her from behind, causing us to careen crazily into another pair. I really don’t like polka dancing. It’s already awkward to put your hands on a girl’s hips, but then to spin around and try not to trip or smash into other people while also trying to keep a relaxed and gentle grip on the girl is nearly impossible. But all the other dances were rather easy and fun. I resent my mothers comment that my constantly referring to Mariliis as “Mariliis, my first Estonian crush” is reminiscent of the way the bible says “Judas, the one who betrayed Jesus” Especially because my mom called her M. I don’t want people to get confused about this, because I say horrible things about the person I call M. But M. doesn’t stand for Mariliis. M. stands for someone else. But speaking of Mariliis can actually bring me to my next point…
I mentioned full circle moments. Mariliis is one of those full circle people. I never did anything more in the other post than to explain that other than that she was one of my first Estonian crushes. When I first moved to Estonia I was a very lonely person. I had no friends, and, very unlike today, I was terrified of girls. But because I didn’t want to be a hermit I went to the Kolgata Baptist church youth group as a way of getting out of the house. If you went back and read some of my earliest posts then you could probably read about my experiences there. But as I was saying, I was a very lonely person, and I was trying to learn Estonian, but I had no inspiration. So I searched and searched for an inspiration, and I found it in the face of two beautiful Estonian girls from Kolgata, Kristi and Mariliis. For some reason Kristi wasn’t at EC, I don’t know why. But anyway, in my early days of Estonian learning, whenever I was feeling tired and worn out, I would remember my goal, my inspiration. Those two girls who I was desperate to talk to. So in a way it was with Mariliis’s unconscious help that I learned Estonian. I never actually did ever get to talk to her. At least not until this English Camp. But it was still special for me, especially remembering the time when I went to a camp that Kolgata did, and that Mariliis tried her best to translate for me, and now here I was translating at English Camp. It was good.
Day 2, March 18, 2008
Anyway, it was on this day that I started translating. Chris Kelly, one of our leaders, was explaining why we were joining groups and he said “…and we’re also joining to try to help bridge the language gap. Chris, you’re pretty strong in your Estonian, right?” I had kind of been day-dreaming a little and jumped and said “Oota, mida? I mean, sorry, what? Oh yeah, strong enough.” He smiled at me and said “well then, Chris, you’ll be doing translation.” So that was how I ended up translating. I had mixed feelings about translating, because of course I had told everyone that I speak Estonian, and I was now quite worried that I was going make myself look like an idiot. But I only really messed up once (the whole käsk, kask, pask, thing) so in the end I did pretty good. And people were actually impressed. I’m not used to being impressive. And as I said in the other post, this camp did great things for my self-esteem. I need this confidence in my Estonian. Because this isn’t the only time I’ll be needed for translation. So I’m very glad things worked out as they did. I’m also extremely glad the Kertu was in our group to handle any English-Estonian translation. It’s much easier to translate into your mother tongue. And doing much English-Estonian would have killed me.
After this was free time, and this is where I will talk about my thoughts on the outreach bits of English Camp. Let me start out by saying that I think that English Camp, Going Up, Lift, all that stuff is great, and is doing lots of good things. But. There’s always a “but”. I don’t always agree with the methods. I think I hold myself to a much higher standard than most Christians because I believe what it says in Matthew 6:22 is very important. “"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” it’s like the good old “be careful little eyes what you see” song. And I believe it is important to control what goes into my mind through my eyes and ears. They always play great music at EC. But then again not all of it is great. I was talking with two of the Americans who had come this is the conversation we had…American guy: “Have you ever heard the real lyrics to this song? It’s horrible!”American girl: “The real lyrics? This is bad enough already!”Guy: “No, this is the edited version, the real version is much worse.”Me: “Then why play this music? There’s tons of other good music out there that’s not like this.Girl: “Remember Chris, this is outreach…”At this point I was filling up with holy indignation, but it wasn’t my place to start shooting out my thoughts on the subject so I kept quiet. If we, as Christians, lower our standards for outreach how can we expect the people we reach out to to change their lives once they are Christians? “This song is a stumbling block to me, and I used to love it before I was a Christian, but once I learned about God I learned this song is going directly against his teaching and will for my life. I deleted it off my computer, but every time I go to a Christian event I hear it blasted!” Do you see the contradiction we create? In church we are holy, but out in the world, to tell people about Jesus, we roll in the sinful muck ourselves. I also was surprised by their choice of movie. Kingdom of Heaven. Is there any movie that can portray Christianity in a worse way? I tried to watch it, but 5 minutes in a priest is coming to a guy and saying “I am your priest, and I know your wife is burning in hell right now. If you don’t go on the crusade she’ll burn forever.” So first off the priest is being a jerk, but then our hero, the blacksmith, takes the red hot sword he’s been working on and stabs the priest. What a nice way to die. I almost left at this point, but then I thought maybe there will be some real plot, maybe this movie will be worth watching anyway. 5 minutes later Orlando Bloom is still looking sexy and has met up with some other crusaders and then some men ride up and say “we are from the bishop, that dude killed a priest, he’s under arrest” then those holy crusaders, crosses on their armor and prayers on their lips reply “you can’t arrest him if you’re DEAD!” I left at the point where the German berserker kept on fighting despite having an arrow through his neck. Nasty stuff. And such a beautiful portrayal of the part of Christian history that we should all be most proud of. I’m hoping my sarcasm is making it’s point. My friend Edgar stayed through the whole movie. Through all of EC he’d been complaining about how everyone kept talking about, as he put it, the “bla, bla, God stuff” but that night he was complaining about how sickening that movie was. I’ll remember its outreach when we stay Christian while we reach out.
Day 3, March 19, 2008
I hope I didn’t offend anyone with that little rant, but I feel very strongly about this. But I have the highest regards for English Camp and all its leaders. Craig’s talk about fear did a lot for me. And it still is. I’m now living fearlessly. Self-defense was really fun. Hmm, what else…I really used up all my topics on the other EC08 post. Craig’s talk about Jesus was good. I don’t know if anyone got saved, but I sincerely hope so. I guess the next thing I could talk about would be playing Phase 10 with Kelli and Aliina. Please forgive me, Aliina, for spelling your beautiful name wrong in the EC post. I really like nothing better then sitting with girls and playing games. This is going to sound really weird, but I’ll say it anyway. I’ve done a lot of things with girls, and the most enjoyable, most beneficial, and overall best things did not involve any physical contact, but simply a game of cards or the telling of a few jokes. That may sound weird, but it’s true. I was blissfully happy during that game. I was sad that it had to end. But then we played later, and I was happy then too. So the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and his games.
Day 4, Final day, March 20, 2008
Waking up knowing it’s the last day you’ll see someone can be a rather depressing experience. I know most people think that it’s really not that bad because of the internet and stuff, but I really don’t like talking on the computer so much. I still do it a lot out of necessity, but nothing beats face-to-face talking. But then playing Knight, Horseman, Cavalier was great. I’ve never been good at that game because I’m not the strongest guy around. But Mariliis was perfect. But I just have to wonder and kind of kick myself, why did it take me this long to get this great? I was holding Mariliis in this strong, manly way. Why couldn’t I have done that years ago instead of embarrassing myself horribly by dropping girls? But standing there, beautiful girl in my arms, I really did just realize that now I had come full circle. From the boy who was scared of girls, couldn’t speak Estonian, and wasn’t strong enough to even think about holding them up, I was now the man who chatted easily with girls, in either Estonian or English, and was now easily holding a beautiful girl in my arms. It took me time to get this good. But I’m glad I made it.
After that we left, and now I’m home. Kelli got a FaceBook so now I don’t need to go on Orkut, but I will anyway. Aliina I haven’t been able to track down anywhere. And Mariliis is my friend on Orkut and just added me on FaceBook. And Liis is my friend everywhere. Anyway, must be going now, I’ve written another 6 pages on MS word. This post if roughly the same length as the EC08 post. So I hope you’re happy. But now I’m going to be babysitting this afternoon, so Cya!
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Now you see it…now you don’t!
Step this way, step this way. It’s time for the amazing disappearing post trick! You may have noticed that the 2 previous posts have gone missing, and that the EC08 one has been modified. Why is that? Well I just realized that someone who was becoming something of a central figure in my blog, and who I would be extraordinarily embarrassed to have reading, is most likely already reading or will be soon. I’m hoping that these two posts have gone unread by this individual’s brown eyes (Dang it, I always screw up eye color!) and therefore have saved them as drafts and may or may not post them at a later time. I have realized that there is the right way to do things and then there’s the wrong way to do things. And I think I’ll try to do things the right way. I’m trying out a dangerous swords-dance. And the fact that I have links to my blog on FaceBook, Orkut, and MySpace, as well as the fact that my blog is streamed directly to FaceBook means that it has a much higher chance of being read by certain individuals, especially if that individual’s name is the name of my blog post. So I’ve decided to take things under cover a bit more for fear of screwing everything up. So I’m sorry for any inconvenience, I know you all loved reading about me crying, but it’s just got to go for now. But it’s all saved, so don’t worry. And if you didn’t read, and you’re really curious about what’s going on, then ask me next time you see me. Anyway, I must go now, because there are still rogue notes to be deleted on FaceBook. Cya!
Friday, March 21, 2008
What’s fun what’s great? Is it maybe…could it be…would it, should it be…EC08!
Once again I’ve turned the English Camp (EC) cheer into a post title. I know everyone has been dying to know about how English Camp went. First I ominously declared my fear, and then I prematurely posted a national day of mourning because I’d be away on the actual day. So all of you probably thought I was off depressing everyone and fearing everything in a paranoid fashion. But you’ll be relieved to know I didn’t thought my fears were confirmed (EC is not the place to go if I want to pretend my past doesn’t exist. EC is that part of my past). But I had a great time anyway. And I made a few friends along the way. And now because people keep asking me about camp I’ve decided to give you an in depth couple of blog posts about English Camp. Why a couple? Because I have two things I want to blog about, and to do both together would make one disturbingly long post. First, in this post I’d like to blog about what happened. And, secondly, I’d like to blog about my thoughts about what happened. And because I like to be honest (and because I believe no one who went to EC reads my blog) I will be completely honest. Because, unlike everyone else, I like to keep my head during camp and look at things objectively, without the haze of sleep deprivation, loud music, and fast paced everything. And also, I take notes! I wrote 14 notes in my phone concerning EC, and I also grabbed all 4 editions of the “English Camp Tribune”. So I’ll try to use these things to keep me accurate as much as possible.
Day 1, March 17, 2008 I showed up an hour early because I came from Tallinn rather than coming from Tartu with everyone else. This gave me a chance to stand around and look cool and occasionally introduce myself to one of the Americans or say, “Hi” to an old acquaintance. One highlight was seeing Eva again. She was the person who taught me my first Estonian (“Minu nimi on” which I confused and said “Nimu mini on” to her great enjoyment), and now here I was translating…but I’ll get to that later. She was very impressed with my Estonian, and I was happy about that. Before I continue allow me to just say that I’ve just realized that in a way this camp brought a lot things full circle for me. I’ll point out full circle moments whenever I can. This is one of them, the women who taught me my first Estonian I now conversed with fluently. That’s special.
Then the other students arrived and we all got started right away with meeting our groups and starting “The Great Game” which was basically just a couple of games to help us get to into a group spirit with our groups. My two group leaders were Josh Postlewait and Jon Herman, and my fellow group members were Kertu and Anna-Maria, who was really cute in my opinion, but as you’ll see later I thought most every girl was cute. We played a game were we had to run across the gym, spell a word, then run back. Then we played a game where one of us was a blindfolded ninja/samurai with a balloon sword and had t defend the 3 clothes pins stuck on our backs. It was quite difficult for both parties. Then we played a game where we each held ropes to make a human rope and had to make a knot in it. I’d never been able to complete this game before, but this time we totally got it. Then we went and registered and I got a cool brown “EC’08” hoody.
After that was the first main meeting. We played “Knight, Horseman, Cavalier” which is an EC tradition that I normally don’t like because I’m not really strong enough to hold people up. This game wasn’t so bad, but once again I got out because Edgar tried to jump into my arms and I couldn’t really hold him up. My wrist was killing me for a while after that. But later Edgar and I had the following conversation while walking,Both of us had been laughing at one of my jokes then Edgar said “What’s your name? Chris? You know Chris, you’re pretty funny.”“Of course I am,” I replied “laughing burns calories, and it’s my job to make sure everyone stays skinny and sexy”After some more laughing he said “Chris, let’s be friends.”“Sure” I replied.And that started the odd pairing of two misfits sticking together in the fight against the so called, “Cool” people. That’s actually truly what made him my friend. He asked me if I knew when there was going to be football (soccer) in the gym and I replied I didn’t know. Then I pointed to someone I knew would know, one of the popular guys who I wouldn’t go ask myself because I’m sworn to avoid them, but would send another guy too because I’m sadistic like that. But before Edgar even knew my feelings on the subject he flat out refused. And when I asked why he told me it was because he didn’t like the guy. When I told him I didn’t like him either some high-fiving ensued and that was when we truly started hanging out. As I said, we were both misfits. I’ve never really understood why I’m a misfit. I’ll probably figure it out while writing the post about my thoughts and feelings. But Edgar was a misfit because he was loud, awkward, and kind of a jerk. He also wasn’t fond of showering. He was a typical Russian, as I found out when he showed several character flaws at once by calling me a jerk when I said he was Estonian. Sorry I got sidetracked there, but I thought it was important to talk about Edgar, because we hung out quite a bit simply because neither of us had anyone else. Maybe that’s why I’m a misfit, because I don’t mind the other misfits. I actually think they’re cooler than the “cool” guys…
Anyway, main meeting. Liis, who invited, begged, and talked me into coming to English Camp came halfway through the meeting because she’d had exams in Tartu and had to come later. She then commenced ignoring me for the rest of the camp (“I only begged you to come because we needed more people, I didn’t really want to see you.” Don’t worry Liis, you’ll have a place in my thoughts and feelings post). Craig, the awesome leader and main speaker of EC talked about the definition of a hero (having clarity and an irresistible urge to act) and then we went to small groups and discussed what makes a hero. Then during free time I went swimming for the first time in forever. It felt so good. I would have stayed in the pool forever, but it was crowded, and nobody I knew hung out in the pool, I’m not the strongest swimmer anyway. I really prefer just standing next to the pool and looking sexy, something I excel at. The only interesting thing that happened in the pool was that the life guards were very upset that we weren’t wearing speedo bathing suits. So there was tons of discussion and negotiation about that and we were finally not kicked out. I love Estonia, but I’ll never be European enough to wear a speedo bathing suit. I’d rather just go naked. And I would have if they said I couldn’t swim in my normal bathing suit. That swimming felt so good. But I didn’t stay in long, I got bored, and the cool people were monopolizing the area and forgetting my existence again. So I left soon after. Then I did something very stupid, I hung my wet towel over the bottom of my bed, and my wet bathing suit over my pillow. That night my pillow was soaked and I had to sleep curled up to avoid the wetness at my feet. Quite an interesting experience. Then I just hung out, wishing Liis would stop ignoring me and trying to get in on some of the games. I think I played some Slap Uno, but I don’t remember. Then came the best part ever…
Dancing! Another EC tradition that I don’t much like. Only this was great. Normally I step on the girls feet, and confuse the dances, and do horrible. But this time I danced perfectly almost the whole time. It’s the type of big group dances where you switch partners all the time, so I danced with every girl at EC. Those that remembered the last dance with me at the last EC grimaced when they saw it was their turn with me. But they all left smiling. I felt so proud of myself. I danced with every girl. And we all danced well. It was great. I was especially happy that I danced perfectly with Mariliis, my first Estonian crush, who I always did worst with before because I’d always been so nervous. But more on her later. It was during the dancing that I had some revelations. First of all I realized that the girls liked dancing with me. I’m a better dancer now, and I’m better looking. I was very happy about this. Some girls seemed to look forward to dancing with me. We’d switch partners, they’d see it was me and flash me a huge smile. And I always smiled at them. It was here, while exchanging smiles that I got my second revelation. That girl had the most beautiful smile I had seen in a long time. I saw that smile and my heart melted. Her name was Kelli, and we will definitely her more about her later. The other revelation I had was that I wanted to learn to dance. To really dance. I’m sure Anneli could teach me, but when I told her I think she thought I was joking. But it’s only thanks to her that I dance as well as I do. So I’ll have to keep pursuing the issue until Anneli and I are dancing together. Dancing was actually loads of fun. I’d love to do it again. The only part I didn’t like was when we did the polka dance. When I ended up partnered with Liis for a minute she was spinning so crazily that she threw me into another pair of dancers. But we were all dancing so close that Liis and I weren’t the only ones. Then after that I forced myself on Liis and made her hang out with me in the café, even if it made her look less “cool” to sit next to me while playing Slap Uno and other card games. Then at midnight we both went to bed. Not together of course, though that might have made the night more interesting. Due to interesting developments we both slept without a pillow. As I already explained, mine was soaked. And she offered hers up to the greater good when someone had to sleep on the floor.
Day 2, March 18, 2008 So after sleeping like a log I woke up at 8 so as to go to “Good morning sunshine”, which was devotions. This was non mandatory, and mostly just for the Christians. I just remembered that I still haven’t explained what EC really is. It’s a chance to practice your English. But it’s also an outreach. You’ll get more on my feelings about the outreach in the other post. So after making myself beautiful for the day I went to devotions and had a good time. Then after breakfast we had the next main meeting and Craigilicious Craig talked about having clarity in everyday situations and we also played the Body Part Matchup game. I’m glad I got out relatively early because matching body parts with one of the less young American women was rather awkward. And as always, the longer you stay in the game the worse the matchups get. Thank God I was out before tongue to cheek! Then there was free time again and because I wasn’t swimming one of the girls borrowed my bathing suit. I never actually got to see her in it or even talk to her because she asked me through another guy. But whatever, at least my bathing suit got more excitement than I ever do. Instead of swimming I played different card games in the café, mostly Slap Uno again (my hands got pretty scratched up) but also some Rocks. Rocks was really Spoons, but because we didn’t have spoons we called it Rocks and played with rocks. In the next main meeting Craig talked about making the right decision at the right time, and we played Titanic. I got out really fast so it kind of sucked. But it was fun watching everyone have to fall on the ground when the leader yelled “Jellyfish!” One interesting thing that happened this day was that our group absorbed another group because the other group had fewer people and also needed language help. So guess who ended up translating…ME!
I was the official Estonian to English translator for our group. Kertu handled most of the English-Estonian translation when it was needed though. It was actually interesting because the two people who were missing from the group ended up coming anyway so we ended up having 4 leaders and 6 students. Our 2 new leaders were Tom Hlad and Chris Kelly. Our new group members were Aleena, who was kind of cute despite the facial piercings and who I became friends with, Mereliin, who I tried to pair up with in self defense lessons (more on that later) and was also quite cute, and Allar (the only other guy), who needed most of the translation.
After small groups was more free time, and I spent an hour playing some Estonian card game I never quite figured out. Then was movie time. There were 3 options, Shrek, The Singing Revolution, or Kingdom of Heaven. Shrek we’d all seen too much. So it was out. The Singing Revolution is awesome, and should have won. But in the end Kingdom of Heaven won by 1 vote. I tried to watch Kingdom of Heaven but I just couldn’t handle it. More on that in my feelings/thoughts post. So instead I want in the hallway and played Phase 10 with some cute girls, one of them Mariliis, my first Estonian crush. It was nice to have a chance to talk to her. We didn’t talk much, but I’ll take whatever treasure I can get. Then at 1 A.M. we finished up and I hit the hay. I was tired and had lost Phase 10 because of my tiredness. I slept well, and this time nothing was wet, though now my pillow smelled bad. I don’t know if it stunk because of the water or if it just always stunk. But I just gave up on a pillow and didn’t use one anymore.
Day 3, March 19, 2008 I woke up for devotions and once I was ready for the day had a good morning. At the next main meeting we played Bear, Hunter, Ninja which was a pretty good Rock, Paper, Scissors type game. Then we had that “Eating a banana through pantyhose” game which always grosses me out beyond belief. Thank God I didn’t play. I was happy during this meeting that I sat with Kelli because it meant I got to see her face light up and hear her explosive laugh every time I’d make a little joke. Then Craig talked about fear, a serious topic that I seriously needed to hear about. As you’ll remember I was very afraid of going to EC in the first place. But Craig reminded me that my past is basically nothing more than a story now, and it can’t hurt me or stop me unless I let it. I shed a lot of fear that day, it was really good. Thank you Craig. After that we had some good discussion in small group and after that during free time there were Self Defense lessons which were great. If any of you ever tries to strangle me or grab me from behind you are so dead. And also I learned some Judo, which was kind of awkward, because or the Judo part I tried to partner with Mereliin, who was a rather fragile baby faced girl, and was absolutely terrified at the idea of having to flip me or be flipped by me. And I was absolutely terrified of having to flip her and hurting her. So then we switched partners and I got another girl, who I didn’t know. But it was still awkward. Especially because she was better at flipping me then I was at flipping her. And then when we learned the next part of the move it got even more awkward because after flipping your partner onto their back you had to pin their head with your legs and then bring their arm up between your legs. VERY AWKWARD! So we each only did it once. And I was also freaked out when the leader told us to please be careful doing this move because we could easily break each others arms if we followed through with the pulling the arm between the legs thing. That was scary. I was just as scared breaking my partner’s arm as my own. But we were both okay. But I still wish I could have partnered with someone else. But whatever.
After that I finished free time by playing Phase 10 with my all time favorite girl ever, Kelli. Of course there other players, but no one else mattered. It was great sitting next to her and chatting. And lighting up her beautiful face again…and again…and again. It was very funny that just like Edgar she just came right out and told me what I already know, “Chris, you’re a pretty funny guy” when I told her she was the second person to tell me that Aleena, who was sitting on my other side and was probably my second favorite girl joined in too and told me I’m a pretty funny guy. So now I did a little victory dance because I had 3 people tell me I was funny and then girls both laughed. I was in my zone. It was paradise for me. There is no place I’d rather be than with girls who I liked and who like me and all of us laughing. Nothing better. But what goes up must come down. Not that I came down. Just free time ended. But I was happy with the promise that we would continue the game later. Kelli wasn’t done and neither was I. After that was main meeting. We played Plains, Trains, and Automobiles, a game similar to Knight, Horseman, Cavalier. Then, because the theme of EC was Heroes, Craig talked about his hero, Jesus. After that we had some interesting discussion in small group. Then we had more free time and I stayed up until 3:30 A.M. playing two games of Phase 10 with Kelli. She won both games. The sun may have gone down, but her smile was bright enough. I went to bed that night feeling exhausted but happy.
Day 4, Final day, March 20, 2008 I woke up this morning knowing it would be the last time I ever see most of the people. We had devotions, then breakfast, then the final main meeting. Craig said a nice goodbye, and the best part, believe it or not, was Knight, Horseman, Cavalier. Why was it so great? Well, I was doing pretty good, and then I heard the dreaded cry “Cavalier!” I frantically looked around for the smallest and lightest person I could find. But instead I found Mariliis. Mariliis is tall, and but she’s also very fit. She was the perfect weight. She jumped into my arms and I lifted her up and held her close as she put her arms around my neck. I felt extremely awesomely manly and cavalier. Here I was holding a beautiful woman in my arms. I was so happy. And I didn’t drop her! I guess the proper thing to do at this point was to kiss her. But even though I was over tired I wasn’t that tired. I hadn’t taken leave of my senses yet. It was only 30 seconds, but those seconds with Mariliis were great. It was at that moment that I knew that since my last EC I’d made the transition from a boy to a man. And the fact that Mariliis picked me…This camp was amazing for my self esteem. After that we took pictures with our small group and had fun until it was time to leave. The best part was talking with Kelli after the main meeting. We had been standing about 10 feet from each other and the “I like to move it” song from Madagascar was playing and so we kept doing different funny moves at each other until we were standing in front of each other, and then at the same time, without talking about it or knowing at all we both did the same move. My signature move that normally only I do. That thing were you hold your nose and go down while waving your hand, kinda like you’re swimming or something. Ask me to show you next time you see me. We both did that at the same time and burst out laughing. Then I asked if she had FaceBook, or MySpace, or anything. But all she had was Orkut. So now I have no choice but to go on Orkut all the time now. So I guess I’m on Orkut now too.
Anyway, now I’m back from EC. But more on that in my thoughts/feelings stuff. Which I’m too tired to write now, so I’ll try to write tomorrow. No, I WILL write tomorrow. But for now I must go. I’m tired. And now you all know what I did at camp, so you don’t need to ask. Cya!
Day 1, March 17, 2008 I showed up an hour early because I came from Tallinn rather than coming from Tartu with everyone else. This gave me a chance to stand around and look cool and occasionally introduce myself to one of the Americans or say, “Hi” to an old acquaintance. One highlight was seeing Eva again. She was the person who taught me my first Estonian (“Minu nimi on” which I confused and said “Nimu mini on” to her great enjoyment), and now here I was translating…but I’ll get to that later. She was very impressed with my Estonian, and I was happy about that. Before I continue allow me to just say that I’ve just realized that in a way this camp brought a lot things full circle for me. I’ll point out full circle moments whenever I can. This is one of them, the women who taught me my first Estonian I now conversed with fluently. That’s special.
Then the other students arrived and we all got started right away with meeting our groups and starting “The Great Game” which was basically just a couple of games to help us get to into a group spirit with our groups. My two group leaders were Josh Postlewait and Jon Herman, and my fellow group members were Kertu and Anna-Maria, who was really cute in my opinion, but as you’ll see later I thought most every girl was cute. We played a game were we had to run across the gym, spell a word, then run back. Then we played a game where one of us was a blindfolded ninja/samurai with a balloon sword and had t defend the 3 clothes pins stuck on our backs. It was quite difficult for both parties. Then we played a game where we each held ropes to make a human rope and had to make a knot in it. I’d never been able to complete this game before, but this time we totally got it. Then we went and registered and I got a cool brown “EC’08” hoody.
After that was the first main meeting. We played “Knight, Horseman, Cavalier” which is an EC tradition that I normally don’t like because I’m not really strong enough to hold people up. This game wasn’t so bad, but once again I got out because Edgar tried to jump into my arms and I couldn’t really hold him up. My wrist was killing me for a while after that. But later Edgar and I had the following conversation while walking,Both of us had been laughing at one of my jokes then Edgar said “What’s your name? Chris? You know Chris, you’re pretty funny.”“Of course I am,” I replied “laughing burns calories, and it’s my job to make sure everyone stays skinny and sexy”After some more laughing he said “Chris, let’s be friends.”“Sure” I replied.And that started the odd pairing of two misfits sticking together in the fight against the so called, “Cool” people. That’s actually truly what made him my friend. He asked me if I knew when there was going to be football (soccer) in the gym and I replied I didn’t know. Then I pointed to someone I knew would know, one of the popular guys who I wouldn’t go ask myself because I’m sworn to avoid them, but would send another guy too because I’m sadistic like that. But before Edgar even knew my feelings on the subject he flat out refused. And when I asked why he told me it was because he didn’t like the guy. When I told him I didn’t like him either some high-fiving ensued and that was when we truly started hanging out. As I said, we were both misfits. I’ve never really understood why I’m a misfit. I’ll probably figure it out while writing the post about my thoughts and feelings. But Edgar was a misfit because he was loud, awkward, and kind of a jerk. He also wasn’t fond of showering. He was a typical Russian, as I found out when he showed several character flaws at once by calling me a jerk when I said he was Estonian. Sorry I got sidetracked there, but I thought it was important to talk about Edgar, because we hung out quite a bit simply because neither of us had anyone else. Maybe that’s why I’m a misfit, because I don’t mind the other misfits. I actually think they’re cooler than the “cool” guys…
Anyway, main meeting. Liis, who invited, begged, and talked me into coming to English Camp came halfway through the meeting because she’d had exams in Tartu and had to come later. She then commenced ignoring me for the rest of the camp (“I only begged you to come because we needed more people, I didn’t really want to see you.” Don’t worry Liis, you’ll have a place in my thoughts and feelings post). Craig, the awesome leader and main speaker of EC talked about the definition of a hero (having clarity and an irresistible urge to act) and then we went to small groups and discussed what makes a hero. Then during free time I went swimming for the first time in forever. It felt so good. I would have stayed in the pool forever, but it was crowded, and nobody I knew hung out in the pool, I’m not the strongest swimmer anyway. I really prefer just standing next to the pool and looking sexy, something I excel at. The only interesting thing that happened in the pool was that the life guards were very upset that we weren’t wearing speedo bathing suits. So there was tons of discussion and negotiation about that and we were finally not kicked out. I love Estonia, but I’ll never be European enough to wear a speedo bathing suit. I’d rather just go naked. And I would have if they said I couldn’t swim in my normal bathing suit. That swimming felt so good. But I didn’t stay in long, I got bored, and the cool people were monopolizing the area and forgetting my existence again. So I left soon after. Then I did something very stupid, I hung my wet towel over the bottom of my bed, and my wet bathing suit over my pillow. That night my pillow was soaked and I had to sleep curled up to avoid the wetness at my feet. Quite an interesting experience. Then I just hung out, wishing Liis would stop ignoring me and trying to get in on some of the games. I think I played some Slap Uno, but I don’t remember. Then came the best part ever…
Dancing! Another EC tradition that I don’t much like. Only this was great. Normally I step on the girls feet, and confuse the dances, and do horrible. But this time I danced perfectly almost the whole time. It’s the type of big group dances where you switch partners all the time, so I danced with every girl at EC. Those that remembered the last dance with me at the last EC grimaced when they saw it was their turn with me. But they all left smiling. I felt so proud of myself. I danced with every girl. And we all danced well. It was great. I was especially happy that I danced perfectly with Mariliis, my first Estonian crush, who I always did worst with before because I’d always been so nervous. But more on her later. It was during the dancing that I had some revelations. First of all I realized that the girls liked dancing with me. I’m a better dancer now, and I’m better looking. I was very happy about this. Some girls seemed to look forward to dancing with me. We’d switch partners, they’d see it was me and flash me a huge smile. And I always smiled at them. It was here, while exchanging smiles that I got my second revelation. That girl had the most beautiful smile I had seen in a long time. I saw that smile and my heart melted. Her name was Kelli, and we will definitely her more about her later. The other revelation I had was that I wanted to learn to dance. To really dance. I’m sure Anneli could teach me, but when I told her I think she thought I was joking. But it’s only thanks to her that I dance as well as I do. So I’ll have to keep pursuing the issue until Anneli and I are dancing together. Dancing was actually loads of fun. I’d love to do it again. The only part I didn’t like was when we did the polka dance. When I ended up partnered with Liis for a minute she was spinning so crazily that she threw me into another pair of dancers. But we were all dancing so close that Liis and I weren’t the only ones. Then after that I forced myself on Liis and made her hang out with me in the café, even if it made her look less “cool” to sit next to me while playing Slap Uno and other card games. Then at midnight we both went to bed. Not together of course, though that might have made the night more interesting. Due to interesting developments we both slept without a pillow. As I already explained, mine was soaked. And she offered hers up to the greater good when someone had to sleep on the floor.
Day 2, March 18, 2008 So after sleeping like a log I woke up at 8 so as to go to “Good morning sunshine”, which was devotions. This was non mandatory, and mostly just for the Christians. I just remembered that I still haven’t explained what EC really is. It’s a chance to practice your English. But it’s also an outreach. You’ll get more on my feelings about the outreach in the other post. So after making myself beautiful for the day I went to devotions and had a good time. Then after breakfast we had the next main meeting and Craigilicious Craig talked about having clarity in everyday situations and we also played the Body Part Matchup game. I’m glad I got out relatively early because matching body parts with one of the less young American women was rather awkward. And as always, the longer you stay in the game the worse the matchups get. Thank God I was out before tongue to cheek! Then there was free time again and because I wasn’t swimming one of the girls borrowed my bathing suit. I never actually got to see her in it or even talk to her because she asked me through another guy. But whatever, at least my bathing suit got more excitement than I ever do. Instead of swimming I played different card games in the café, mostly Slap Uno again (my hands got pretty scratched up) but also some Rocks. Rocks was really Spoons, but because we didn’t have spoons we called it Rocks and played with rocks. In the next main meeting Craig talked about making the right decision at the right time, and we played Titanic. I got out really fast so it kind of sucked. But it was fun watching everyone have to fall on the ground when the leader yelled “Jellyfish!” One interesting thing that happened this day was that our group absorbed another group because the other group had fewer people and also needed language help. So guess who ended up translating…ME!
I was the official Estonian to English translator for our group. Kertu handled most of the English-Estonian translation when it was needed though. It was actually interesting because the two people who were missing from the group ended up coming anyway so we ended up having 4 leaders and 6 students. Our 2 new leaders were Tom Hlad and Chris Kelly. Our new group members were Aleena, who was kind of cute despite the facial piercings and who I became friends with, Mereliin, who I tried to pair up with in self defense lessons (more on that later) and was also quite cute, and Allar (the only other guy), who needed most of the translation.
After small groups was more free time, and I spent an hour playing some Estonian card game I never quite figured out. Then was movie time. There were 3 options, Shrek, The Singing Revolution, or Kingdom of Heaven. Shrek we’d all seen too much. So it was out. The Singing Revolution is awesome, and should have won. But in the end Kingdom of Heaven won by 1 vote. I tried to watch Kingdom of Heaven but I just couldn’t handle it. More on that in my feelings/thoughts post. So instead I want in the hallway and played Phase 10 with some cute girls, one of them Mariliis, my first Estonian crush. It was nice to have a chance to talk to her. We didn’t talk much, but I’ll take whatever treasure I can get. Then at 1 A.M. we finished up and I hit the hay. I was tired and had lost Phase 10 because of my tiredness. I slept well, and this time nothing was wet, though now my pillow smelled bad. I don’t know if it stunk because of the water or if it just always stunk. But I just gave up on a pillow and didn’t use one anymore.
Day 3, March 19, 2008 I woke up for devotions and once I was ready for the day had a good morning. At the next main meeting we played Bear, Hunter, Ninja which was a pretty good Rock, Paper, Scissors type game. Then we had that “Eating a banana through pantyhose” game which always grosses me out beyond belief. Thank God I didn’t play. I was happy during this meeting that I sat with Kelli because it meant I got to see her face light up and hear her explosive laugh every time I’d make a little joke. Then Craig talked about fear, a serious topic that I seriously needed to hear about. As you’ll remember I was very afraid of going to EC in the first place. But Craig reminded me that my past is basically nothing more than a story now, and it can’t hurt me or stop me unless I let it. I shed a lot of fear that day, it was really good. Thank you Craig. After that we had some good discussion in small group and after that during free time there were Self Defense lessons which were great. If any of you ever tries to strangle me or grab me from behind you are so dead. And also I learned some Judo, which was kind of awkward, because or the Judo part I tried to partner with Mereliin, who was a rather fragile baby faced girl, and was absolutely terrified at the idea of having to flip me or be flipped by me. And I was absolutely terrified of having to flip her and hurting her. So then we switched partners and I got another girl, who I didn’t know. But it was still awkward. Especially because she was better at flipping me then I was at flipping her. And then when we learned the next part of the move it got even more awkward because after flipping your partner onto their back you had to pin their head with your legs and then bring their arm up between your legs. VERY AWKWARD! So we each only did it once. And I was also freaked out when the leader told us to please be careful doing this move because we could easily break each others arms if we followed through with the pulling the arm between the legs thing. That was scary. I was just as scared breaking my partner’s arm as my own. But we were both okay. But I still wish I could have partnered with someone else. But whatever.
After that I finished free time by playing Phase 10 with my all time favorite girl ever, Kelli. Of course there other players, but no one else mattered. It was great sitting next to her and chatting. And lighting up her beautiful face again…and again…and again. It was very funny that just like Edgar she just came right out and told me what I already know, “Chris, you’re a pretty funny guy” when I told her she was the second person to tell me that Aleena, who was sitting on my other side and was probably my second favorite girl joined in too and told me I’m a pretty funny guy. So now I did a little victory dance because I had 3 people tell me I was funny and then girls both laughed. I was in my zone. It was paradise for me. There is no place I’d rather be than with girls who I liked and who like me and all of us laughing. Nothing better. But what goes up must come down. Not that I came down. Just free time ended. But I was happy with the promise that we would continue the game later. Kelli wasn’t done and neither was I. After that was main meeting. We played Plains, Trains, and Automobiles, a game similar to Knight, Horseman, Cavalier. Then, because the theme of EC was Heroes, Craig talked about his hero, Jesus. After that we had some interesting discussion in small group. Then we had more free time and I stayed up until 3:30 A.M. playing two games of Phase 10 with Kelli. She won both games. The sun may have gone down, but her smile was bright enough. I went to bed that night feeling exhausted but happy.
Day 4, Final day, March 20, 2008 I woke up this morning knowing it would be the last time I ever see most of the people. We had devotions, then breakfast, then the final main meeting. Craig said a nice goodbye, and the best part, believe it or not, was Knight, Horseman, Cavalier. Why was it so great? Well, I was doing pretty good, and then I heard the dreaded cry “Cavalier!” I frantically looked around for the smallest and lightest person I could find. But instead I found Mariliis. Mariliis is tall, and but she’s also very fit. She was the perfect weight. She jumped into my arms and I lifted her up and held her close as she put her arms around my neck. I felt extremely awesomely manly and cavalier. Here I was holding a beautiful woman in my arms. I was so happy. And I didn’t drop her! I guess the proper thing to do at this point was to kiss her. But even though I was over tired I wasn’t that tired. I hadn’t taken leave of my senses yet. It was only 30 seconds, but those seconds with Mariliis were great. It was at that moment that I knew that since my last EC I’d made the transition from a boy to a man. And the fact that Mariliis picked me…This camp was amazing for my self esteem. After that we took pictures with our small group and had fun until it was time to leave. The best part was talking with Kelli after the main meeting. We had been standing about 10 feet from each other and the “I like to move it” song from Madagascar was playing and so we kept doing different funny moves at each other until we were standing in front of each other, and then at the same time, without talking about it or knowing at all we both did the same move. My signature move that normally only I do. That thing were you hold your nose and go down while waving your hand, kinda like you’re swimming or something. Ask me to show you next time you see me. We both did that at the same time and burst out laughing. Then I asked if she had FaceBook, or MySpace, or anything. But all she had was Orkut. So now I have no choice but to go on Orkut all the time now. So I guess I’m on Orkut now too.
Anyway, now I’m back from EC. But more on that in my thoughts/feelings stuff. Which I’m too tired to write now, so I’ll try to write tomorrow. No, I WILL write tomorrow. But for now I must go. I’m tired. And now you all know what I did at camp, so you don’t need to ask. Cya!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Chris Chronicles' national day of mourning.
I have 2 national days of mourning, counting my blog as a nation. On August 3rd is national day of mourning for innocence lost. Today, March 19th, is national day of mourning for those who surrender to darkness. Those who knowingly and willingly turn away from the light and fall into darkness. Today I mourn us all.
Chris
Chris
Sunday, March 16, 2008
English Camp prayer request
Well, I'm off to EC early tomorrow morning. And I have very mixed feelings about it. For many reasons. But please pray for me. Because, quite honestly, I'm scared. I can't say much more in explanation, because there's nothing more to explain. Please pray for me. I'm going to need all the strengh I can get. This can go one of two ways, either I'll have the time of my life and come back jumping for joy, or I'll come back bitter and morose. I'll give it everything I can. I would like to go and be anti-social and hide between my headphones, but I won't. And it's not a fear of socaliazation. My fear is much worse than that. So again I ask you to please pray for me. Thanks.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Beware the Ides of March… (I’m back from Finland! Thank God)
Well, today is the ides of March, the day when it is most likely that your paranoid belief that all your best friends are just dying to stab you to death just might be true, especially if one of your friends is named Brutus and speaks Latin. So I’m bewaring the ides of March by staying home all day unless something more interesting comes up. Why would I waste a Saturday inside that I could spend with friends or out enjoying nature? Well, two reasons, one for each. I don’t exactly know where I stand with some of my friends at the moment and won’t find out until tomorrow, and as for why I don’t enjoy the world, when I look out my window I see snow…well, now it’s turned into a nasty drizzly rain. And since my bike isn’t accessible this time of the year I have nothing interesting to do outside. So I’m hoping to catch up on my E-mail, maybe play some N64, (which, by the way, didn’t get stolen. Take that Majora’s Curse!) and just have some RNR. Why do I need RNR? Well, because blogger was freaking out and wouldn’t let me post the post about how I was going to Finland none of you know why I need RNR. Allow me to enlighten you…
After rushing out of church on Sunday, we grabbed our bags and jumped on the ferry over to Finland. Land of “Tasty Finnish food” (which means food that is tasty if you’re an old Finnish lady with dead taste buds, and not quite so tasty if you’re not) and cool Finnish music! So I stuffed my MP3 player full of Bomfunk MC, The Rasmus and most importantly, NightWish! And, as always, listening to music in the land of it’s conception really adds to it. I don’t know how or why, but listening to NightWish’s, “Ghost Love Score” in Estonia is amazing. But listening to it in Finland…I am soaring above a snow covered pine forest …soaring with the ghosts of my past…that’s another interesting thing about visiting Finland, I’ve spent so much time there that the whole country it filled with my memories. It really is like the ghosts of my past. We stayed in central house in Helsinki, where I used to stay with mission team. I have so many memories…This is where I sat and played Yu-Gi-Oh with Anneli…This is where Miika and I argued about which girls liked who…This is where Anton and I made the infamous agreement about our favorite twins. Anneli was mine, Evelin his. I still uphold that agreement by the way, and as far as I know he hasn’t made any move on Anneli yet. I have so many memories. Played at that play ground, slept here, ate there. That’s where Mrs. Wittenburg got a head covered in bird droppings during an open air. I miss mission team a lot. I miss the community. It really is very sad to think how most of the old mission team members have gone our separate ways. Ocean of memories…
But anyway, my memories are not what I meant to blog about. I want to blog about what I did all week and why I was in Finland. Well, it was officer’s councils, that time when officers get together and do fellowship type stuff. It’s actually really good. But when officer’s hang out, kids can be in the way. So someone has to babysit. And who better to babysit an OB (Officer’s Brat, or Blessing, depending on the kid) than the biggest OB of them all, ME! So I was one of the babysitter’s. There were really only two babysitter’s from Estonia, and together we watched 10 kids. It was great, because all the kid’s already knew and loved me, and my fellow babysitter was Masha, an old mission team buddy. So I spent the week getting beat up by little kids, and now I’m tired. But I always enjoy babysitting. Because I love the kids and it gives me a chance to be a kid again too. And it was a really good thing I got to be a babysitter this time because I got to spend time with the Burunov kids from Narva. I always feel that other OBs are my brothers and sisters, and so the 5 Henderson kids have always been my little brothers and sisters. But the Burunov kids are only just becoming OBs because their father is a Cadet and married an Officer. So I got to spend some time with them and now I feel like they are my brothers and sister too. I don’t know what it is, but there are certain circumstances where people bond very easily. If 2 people are MKs (Missionary Kids), OBs, or something like that then they seem to bond much more quickly. So I was glad for the chance to welcome them to the OB family. I just pray they’re blessings rather than brats like me!
Another great thing is that I got to hang out with some of the officers, mostly the Brazilians. Why are there Brazilian officers in Finland? Only God truly knows. I never really learned any last names or else I would go by the proper rank, but I don’t really remember first names that well either, so I’ll just say the descendants of Majors Franke. It turns out they all love board games, so Kirill (one of the new Burunov OBs) and I played tons of games with them. And despite the fact that we had never played any of them before we did pretty good. I did best though. I have a certain gift for games. If only I was also skilled at school and sports…But anyway, I had lots of fun. We played Puerto Rico, (very fun, want to get a copy in English) No Thanks, (Very easy to make, will probably make it myself) and Modern Art (Interesting art auction game). It was great.
Anyway, I just sent off an SMS to Anneli and Evelin so maybe I will go out today after all, and just pray they leave their pointy things at home. By the way, if you don’t get the whole “Beware the Ides of March” thing than I’m sorry. It’s just another way in which my blog separates the cultured from the cretins, while keeping me with a foot in both camps! So now I must go. A shower would be nice. So Cya!
After rushing out of church on Sunday, we grabbed our bags and jumped on the ferry over to Finland. Land of “Tasty Finnish food” (which means food that is tasty if you’re an old Finnish lady with dead taste buds, and not quite so tasty if you’re not) and cool Finnish music! So I stuffed my MP3 player full of Bomfunk MC, The Rasmus and most importantly, NightWish! And, as always, listening to music in the land of it’s conception really adds to it. I don’t know how or why, but listening to NightWish’s, “Ghost Love Score” in Estonia is amazing. But listening to it in Finland…I am soaring above a snow covered pine forest …soaring with the ghosts of my past…that’s another interesting thing about visiting Finland, I’ve spent so much time there that the whole country it filled with my memories. It really is like the ghosts of my past. We stayed in central house in Helsinki, where I used to stay with mission team. I have so many memories…This is where I sat and played Yu-Gi-Oh with Anneli…This is where Miika and I argued about which girls liked who…This is where Anton and I made the infamous agreement about our favorite twins. Anneli was mine, Evelin his. I still uphold that agreement by the way, and as far as I know he hasn’t made any move on Anneli yet. I have so many memories. Played at that play ground, slept here, ate there. That’s where Mrs. Wittenburg got a head covered in bird droppings during an open air. I miss mission team a lot. I miss the community. It really is very sad to think how most of the old mission team members have gone our separate ways. Ocean of memories…
But anyway, my memories are not what I meant to blog about. I want to blog about what I did all week and why I was in Finland. Well, it was officer’s councils, that time when officers get together and do fellowship type stuff. It’s actually really good. But when officer’s hang out, kids can be in the way. So someone has to babysit. And who better to babysit an OB (Officer’s Brat, or Blessing, depending on the kid) than the biggest OB of them all, ME! So I was one of the babysitter’s. There were really only two babysitter’s from Estonia, and together we watched 10 kids. It was great, because all the kid’s already knew and loved me, and my fellow babysitter was Masha, an old mission team buddy. So I spent the week getting beat up by little kids, and now I’m tired. But I always enjoy babysitting. Because I love the kids and it gives me a chance to be a kid again too. And it was a really good thing I got to be a babysitter this time because I got to spend time with the Burunov kids from Narva. I always feel that other OBs are my brothers and sisters, and so the 5 Henderson kids have always been my little brothers and sisters. But the Burunov kids are only just becoming OBs because their father is a Cadet and married an Officer. So I got to spend some time with them and now I feel like they are my brothers and sister too. I don’t know what it is, but there are certain circumstances where people bond very easily. If 2 people are MKs (Missionary Kids), OBs, or something like that then they seem to bond much more quickly. So I was glad for the chance to welcome them to the OB family. I just pray they’re blessings rather than brats like me!
Another great thing is that I got to hang out with some of the officers, mostly the Brazilians. Why are there Brazilian officers in Finland? Only God truly knows. I never really learned any last names or else I would go by the proper rank, but I don’t really remember first names that well either, so I’ll just say the descendants of Majors Franke. It turns out they all love board games, so Kirill (one of the new Burunov OBs) and I played tons of games with them. And despite the fact that we had never played any of them before we did pretty good. I did best though. I have a certain gift for games. If only I was also skilled at school and sports…But anyway, I had lots of fun. We played Puerto Rico, (very fun, want to get a copy in English) No Thanks, (Very easy to make, will probably make it myself) and Modern Art (Interesting art auction game). It was great.
Anyway, I just sent off an SMS to Anneli and Evelin so maybe I will go out today after all, and just pray they leave their pointy things at home. By the way, if you don’t get the whole “Beware the Ides of March” thing than I’m sorry. It’s just another way in which my blog separates the cultured from the cretins, while keeping me with a foot in both camps! So now I must go. A shower would be nice. So Cya!
Saturday, March 08, 2008
English Camp is…Bananas?
Well, it’s been a long time since I last went to English Camp. So long in fact that I don’t know if any of you know what it is. So I will tell you all about it and also place a link at the bottom of this post to the EC website. English Camp is a camp that happens twice a year and is put on by the “Going Up” youth church and the Baptist church down in Tartu. It’s loads of fun and, as you may have guessed, it’s all in English! Americans come over and the whole point is to practice your English and also we talk about Jesus. So it’s completely win-win. But why do I go? I already spekken goodish Englise. And I already know and love Jesus. Well, I go because I enjoy it. It’s fun. And also, I get to be swamped in English. Something I’m desperate for. It can get very tiring being constantly surrounded by Estonian all the time. And even though the majority of people at this camp will be Estonians, the language we will all speak is English. And I love speaking my native language. And also it’s a place for me to share my faith and meet new Christian friends. So it’s like win-win times several for me. And also my friend Liis Üprus will be there, who I first met at English Camp with my infamous pick up line, “Are you a mean girl?” that I asked during the movie, “Mean girls” She just couldn’t get rid of me after that.
But why I am mentioning EC all of a sudden? I forgot to mention. I just registered, and will be going from 17-20 March. Meaning that the post I was planning to write on March 19th I will have to write ahead and set to post itself later. And also, one of the other reasons I wanted to blog about this is that the other day I blogged saying I had a choice to make where I felt I would lose either way. Well, I made the choice. I am going to English Camp. And though going to EC is sure to bring up memories I would rather have shot, stabbed with pointy little knives, covered in oil, then burned before being thrown into the darkest depths of nothingness. Because of course there’s a reason why I haven’t gone in 2 years. But I will deal with whatever comes my way. I always do and always will. And also, if by worrying that your past will screw up your future you make the present miserable, then you’re just stupid. And though I am often stupid like that, I decided to not be, at least for a little while. And the other reason I wanted to write this post is because I can think of at least 2 blog readers who I would love to go to English Camp too. Because, even with everyone speaking English, it’s still nice to have some friendly faces around. So, if you’re interested check out the link I will be putting at the bottom of this post, and then register, and then don’t tell me, but surprise me when I’m like, “Hey, what the heck are you doing here?” and then you’ll be all like, “Dude, I’m totally stalking you because your blog is so awesome.” Naw, I’m joking. But still, I would love it if some more people I knew came.
So anyway, pray for me while I’m at English Camp. Because I’m nervous. And this timid little part of me is saying, “No, Chris! Don’t go! Scary new places and scary new people are scary!” but I’m leaving home in August so it’s about time I get myself used to scary new places and people. But anyway, I have work to do now. And I should probably shower too. And shave…and many other things too. So, click the link below, and if you’re interested then you should totally come and spekish Ingli wit moi. Because I need the practice…
http://www.goingup.ee/englishcamp/English%20Camp.html
Click the link, go to English Camp.
But why I am mentioning EC all of a sudden? I forgot to mention. I just registered, and will be going from 17-20 March. Meaning that the post I was planning to write on March 19th I will have to write ahead and set to post itself later. And also, one of the other reasons I wanted to blog about this is that the other day I blogged saying I had a choice to make where I felt I would lose either way. Well, I made the choice. I am going to English Camp. And though going to EC is sure to bring up memories I would rather have shot, stabbed with pointy little knives, covered in oil, then burned before being thrown into the darkest depths of nothingness. Because of course there’s a reason why I haven’t gone in 2 years. But I will deal with whatever comes my way. I always do and always will. And also, if by worrying that your past will screw up your future you make the present miserable, then you’re just stupid. And though I am often stupid like that, I decided to not be, at least for a little while. And the other reason I wanted to write this post is because I can think of at least 2 blog readers who I would love to go to English Camp too. Because, even with everyone speaking English, it’s still nice to have some friendly faces around. So, if you’re interested check out the link I will be putting at the bottom of this post, and then register, and then don’t tell me, but surprise me when I’m like, “Hey, what the heck are you doing here?” and then you’ll be all like, “Dude, I’m totally stalking you because your blog is so awesome.” Naw, I’m joking. But still, I would love it if some more people I knew came.
So anyway, pray for me while I’m at English Camp. Because I’m nervous. And this timid little part of me is saying, “No, Chris! Don’t go! Scary new places and scary new people are scary!” but I’m leaving home in August so it’s about time I get myself used to scary new places and people. But anyway, I have work to do now. And I should probably shower too. And shave…and many other things too. So, click the link below, and if you’re interested then you should totally come and spekish Ingli wit moi. Because I need the practice…
http://www.goingup.ee/englishcamp/English%20Camp.html
Click the link, go to English Camp.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Super Happy Birthday! (Plus some of the usually rambling. Amaranth!)
Well today I need to say not one happy birthday, not two, not even three! That’s right, four birthdays! Wow, what an exciting time of year this is! But who is having four birthdays you ask? Well, the best thing is that for these four birthdays there’s six people! Crazy, huh? So let me get started telling you about all the birthdays…
March 2nd, Aapo Jämse! Eero and Vesse’s little brother who usually helps do collection with me. He’s 13 now! Wow!
March 3rd, this is where we have a lot of birthdays! First is Liis’s little brother, who’s name I don’t know how to spell. Then, the other two I can’t decide which order to put in because I’d normally save best for last. Well I guess people are always better than inanimate objects so I’ll have to save the human for last. March 3rd was my blog’s birthday! Yay! I’m nearing 500 hundred posts in 4 years! Wow, I’ve been slacking. I need to do more writing! And decidedly the most important birthday was Keit’s! Keit turned 14! Still not really old enough for me to hit on (16-19 is the ages I usually stick to) but I do it anyway. And also she’s a fellow Paramore fan and most importantly reads my blog! You rock Keit!
March 4th though is one of the most important birthdays of the year! Almost as important as mine in January! Today, on the 4th of March, 2008, my little brother Peter turns 4! YAY PETER!!! I still haven’t gotten him anything yet, but as long as I get out to the store before everyone gives him their presents I’ll be fine. It’s become something of a tradition that I give him a stretchy rubber animal for Christmas, and now he wants one for his birthday too. So I’m hoping I can find a dragon for him to replace the one he beheaded. Pray I can find it! They didn’t have one this Christmas so I had to go with a scorpion instead, which is already missing part of it’s tail. Peter loves the toys I give him, you can tell by the number of pieces they’re in. And finally…
March 5th is Teele’s birthday. Most of you don’t know Teele, but she works in the regional office and I thought it was cool having 4 days of birthdays so I threw her on too. Happy birthday Teele!
Whoa, that’s a lot of birthdays. Thank God I’m too cheap to give them all presents! But I promised you some rambling, and rambling you will get. Just let me go look up the lyrics for the
NightWish song “Amaranth”…Back, got ‘em. Well, as usually happens, it turns out this song isn’t about what I thought it was. I hate it when that happens. But I don’t really care, I can still use it for my point. Now I’m sure you, like I did, all want to know what the heck and Amaranth is. Well I have two definitions. “am•a•ranth \"a-m€-'ranth\ n 1 : any of a large genus of coarse herbs sometimes grown for their showy flowers 2 : a flower that never fades” now of course a coarse herb with showy flowers sounds nice, but I prefer “A flower that never fades” Now of course we all know that I’m just a hopeless romantic, and that despite the fact that I normally try to act like a brute because a guy liking flowers is kind of weird, but the idea of a flower that never fades is more beautiful than the flower itself. And what I especially like is the fact that this can be turned into an adjective. “Amaranthine” Was there ever a cooler adjective? “As I walked down the path, snow flurries dancing around my heels, I turned to see a dark haired girl of amaranthine beauty…” That is the world’s coolest couple of adjectives. Amaranthine beauty. Now what on earth does that mean? Well if I’ve got this correct it means something with the beauty of an everlasting flower. I love it! Someday I’m going to meet and amaranthine beauty, and then I will no longer be a hopeless romantic, because I will find an outlet for my romanticism besides finding beautiful and romantic new adjectives.
Anyway, I actually had even more of a point in there that I got distracted from. As I have already stated I am searching for an amaranthine beauty, one that will never fade. Therefore I’m not looking for physical beauty. But you get that I’m sure. And also I’m not really searching so much, because I know I will find this incarnation of beauty someday, and that I don’t need to search for her, because God will take care of hooking us up. But waiting for her is hard. Because I’m sure I haven’t found her yet. She’s no where in sight. And I doubt that even I do find her I’ll know for a very long time. So while I wait what do I do…do I date other girls to fill that hole? Tried that, bad idea. Do I sit around feeling sorry for myself and being emo? Some days, but not often. Then what do I do? I listen to Goth rock chicks! That’s what. I realized yesterday that when I explained that I didn’t mean lingerie corsets I meant Goth rock chick corsets I might have done as much harm as good. You probably thought, “Well he’s not into Victoria’s Secret but he is into chicks who want to drink his blood! That freak!” but Goths are completely misunderstood. At least I think so. But I have no authority on the subject other than being a fan of NightWish, Evanescence and Within Temptation. 3 Goth rock bands fronted by chicks who are fond of corsets and have dark hair. I heard somewhere once that Goths are really just a bunch of hopeless romantics…just like me. I didn’t really get it at the time, but as I’ve listened to this type of music more and more, and tried to understand what I love about it, I’ve figured it out. Half the songs are love songs. Creepy love songs that don’t sound like love songs until you really read and think about the lyrics. And I love these tragic love songs. They’re not all tragic. But they are all awesome. Part of what made me fall in love with Evanescence was Amy Lee call me darling through my head phones during, “Bring me to life” now that sounds pathetic of course, but so what.
One again I got distracted from my whole amaranth point. In the NightWish song, “Amaranth” the chorus sings this...
“Caress the one, the Never-FadingRain in your heart - the tears of snow-white sorrowCaress the one, the hiding amaranthIn a land of the daybreak”
Now this could have tons of different meanings, and I could be totally misunderstanding this. In fact I know that the song couldn’t be about what I’m thinking about because then it would make no sense. Or maybe it would. Whatever. But what I think about when I hear this song, and especially the chorus, is my amaranthine beauty. “The hiding amaranth…” The hiding amaranth must be found. And whenever I hear, “the Never-Fading rain in your heart…” I think of it as,”The Never-Fading reign in your heart…” Then later in the song it says…
“Reaching, searching for something untouchedHearing voices of the Never-Fading calling”
I think I’m losing track of my point, and making less and less sense. But do you understand my point? I’m searching for a never fading amaranth, a flower of unmatched and eternal beauty. And I will not stop searching until I find her. I’m searching for something, “untouched” I do sincerely hope for a pure wife, but judging from the attitude towards purity most girls I know have…I can hear her voice on the wind, the voice of my never-fading, calling me. The song after, “Amaranth” on NightWish’s Dark Passion Play Album is, “Cadence of her last breath” I don’t know the all the lyrics for this song, but one line always stands out every time I listen. “Why do I miss someone I’ve never met?” And I don’t know the answer to that question. But I know that I do miss her. But anyway, I’m sure you’re sick of hearing about my amaranthine fantasies.
Happy Birthday Blog, Happy Birthday Keit, and Happy Birthday Peter! Cya!
P.S. Sorry to Keit for saying she was 15, not 14, in the original post. I fixed it!
March 2nd, Aapo Jämse! Eero and Vesse’s little brother who usually helps do collection with me. He’s 13 now! Wow!
March 3rd, this is where we have a lot of birthdays! First is Liis’s little brother, who’s name I don’t know how to spell. Then, the other two I can’t decide which order to put in because I’d normally save best for last. Well I guess people are always better than inanimate objects so I’ll have to save the human for last. March 3rd was my blog’s birthday! Yay! I’m nearing 500 hundred posts in 4 years! Wow, I’ve been slacking. I need to do more writing! And decidedly the most important birthday was Keit’s! Keit turned 14! Still not really old enough for me to hit on (16-19 is the ages I usually stick to) but I do it anyway. And also she’s a fellow Paramore fan and most importantly reads my blog! You rock Keit!
March 4th though is one of the most important birthdays of the year! Almost as important as mine in January! Today, on the 4th of March, 2008, my little brother Peter turns 4! YAY PETER!!! I still haven’t gotten him anything yet, but as long as I get out to the store before everyone gives him their presents I’ll be fine. It’s become something of a tradition that I give him a stretchy rubber animal for Christmas, and now he wants one for his birthday too. So I’m hoping I can find a dragon for him to replace the one he beheaded. Pray I can find it! They didn’t have one this Christmas so I had to go with a scorpion instead, which is already missing part of it’s tail. Peter loves the toys I give him, you can tell by the number of pieces they’re in. And finally…
March 5th is Teele’s birthday. Most of you don’t know Teele, but she works in the regional office and I thought it was cool having 4 days of birthdays so I threw her on too. Happy birthday Teele!
Whoa, that’s a lot of birthdays. Thank God I’m too cheap to give them all presents! But I promised you some rambling, and rambling you will get. Just let me go look up the lyrics for the
NightWish song “Amaranth”…Back, got ‘em. Well, as usually happens, it turns out this song isn’t about what I thought it was. I hate it when that happens. But I don’t really care, I can still use it for my point. Now I’m sure you, like I did, all want to know what the heck and Amaranth is. Well I have two definitions. “am•a•ranth \"a-m€-'ranth\ n 1 : any of a large genus of coarse herbs sometimes grown for their showy flowers 2 : a flower that never fades” now of course a coarse herb with showy flowers sounds nice, but I prefer “A flower that never fades” Now of course we all know that I’m just a hopeless romantic, and that despite the fact that I normally try to act like a brute because a guy liking flowers is kind of weird, but the idea of a flower that never fades is more beautiful than the flower itself. And what I especially like is the fact that this can be turned into an adjective. “Amaranthine” Was there ever a cooler adjective? “As I walked down the path, snow flurries dancing around my heels, I turned to see a dark haired girl of amaranthine beauty…” That is the world’s coolest couple of adjectives. Amaranthine beauty. Now what on earth does that mean? Well if I’ve got this correct it means something with the beauty of an everlasting flower. I love it! Someday I’m going to meet and amaranthine beauty, and then I will no longer be a hopeless romantic, because I will find an outlet for my romanticism besides finding beautiful and romantic new adjectives.Anyway, I actually had even more of a point in there that I got distracted from. As I have already stated I am searching for an amaranthine beauty, one that will never fade. Therefore I’m not looking for physical beauty. But you get that I’m sure. And also I’m not really searching so much, because I know I will find this incarnation of beauty someday, and that I don’t need to search for her, because God will take care of hooking us up. But waiting for her is hard. Because I’m sure I haven’t found her yet. She’s no where in sight. And I doubt that even I do find her I’ll know for a very long time. So while I wait what do I do…do I date other girls to fill that hole? Tried that, bad idea. Do I sit around feeling sorry for myself and being emo? Some days, but not often. Then what do I do? I listen to Goth rock chicks! That’s what. I realized yesterday that when I explained that I didn’t mean lingerie corsets I meant Goth rock chick corsets I might have done as much harm as good. You probably thought, “Well he’s not into Victoria’s Secret but he is into chicks who want to drink his blood! That freak!” but Goths are completely misunderstood. At least I think so. But I have no authority on the subject other than being a fan of NightWish, Evanescence and Within Temptation. 3 Goth rock bands fronted by chicks who are fond of corsets and have dark hair. I heard somewhere once that Goths are really just a bunch of hopeless romantics…just like me. I didn’t really get it at the time, but as I’ve listened to this type of music more and more, and tried to understand what I love about it, I’ve figured it out. Half the songs are love songs. Creepy love songs that don’t sound like love songs until you really read and think about the lyrics. And I love these tragic love songs. They’re not all tragic. But they are all awesome. Part of what made me fall in love with Evanescence was Amy Lee call me darling through my head phones during, “Bring me to life” now that sounds pathetic of course, but so what.
One again I got distracted from my whole amaranth point. In the NightWish song, “Amaranth” the chorus sings this...
“Caress the one, the Never-FadingRain in your heart - the tears of snow-white sorrowCaress the one, the hiding amaranthIn a land of the daybreak”
Now this could have tons of different meanings, and I could be totally misunderstanding this. In fact I know that the song couldn’t be about what I’m thinking about because then it would make no sense. Or maybe it would. Whatever. But what I think about when I hear this song, and especially the chorus, is my amaranthine beauty. “The hiding amaranth…” The hiding amaranth must be found. And whenever I hear, “the Never-Fading rain in your heart…” I think of it as,”The Never-Fading reign in your heart…” Then later in the song it says…
“Reaching, searching for something untouchedHearing voices of the Never-Fading calling”
I think I’m losing track of my point, and making less and less sense. But do you understand my point? I’m searching for a never fading amaranth, a flower of unmatched and eternal beauty. And I will not stop searching until I find her. I’m searching for something, “untouched” I do sincerely hope for a pure wife, but judging from the attitude towards purity most girls I know have…I can hear her voice on the wind, the voice of my never-fading, calling me. The song after, “Amaranth” on NightWish’s Dark Passion Play Album is, “Cadence of her last breath” I don’t know the all the lyrics for this song, but one line always stands out every time I listen. “Why do I miss someone I’ve never met?” And I don’t know the answer to that question. But I know that I do miss her. But anyway, I’m sure you’re sick of hearing about my amaranthine fantasies.
Happy Birthday Blog, Happy Birthday Keit, and Happy Birthday Peter! Cya!
P.S. Sorry to Keit for saying she was 15, not 14, in the original post. I fixed it!
Monday, March 03, 2008
A quick clarification...
I heard that someone was all freaked out when I mention corsets, so I feel I owe you all a clarification. At first when I heard that I had freaked someone out I thought, "good, I like freaking people out!" But then I decided to do a picture search on google to see if I could find a good picture to help explain what I meant. That was a mistake. I didn't realize that corsets are usually more of a lingerie item than a goth rock chick item. So I got this picture of Amy Lee, who is the only girl I'd marry if I was marrying just for looks (dark hair rocks!), wearing what I would consider a gorgeous corset-skirt thingy. When I say corsets I mean that. And especially on girls who look like Amy Lee. So I'm sorry if i freaked anyone out. I didn't mean I was some voyeur who liked staring at chicks in lingerie corsets. I meant I like goth rockers in gothy corsets. Please forgive any confusion. But I mean seriously, doesn't Ms. Amy Lee of Evanescence look GREAT in that!? I think so. But now I must go. Cya!P.S. Most girls out there already knows this because I've said it before, but one of the only ways to grab my attention is to dress like that. Hint, hint.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder…
Lame pick up lines aside (Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I want to be holding you) beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. I may behold something and have my breath taken away, whereas that which robs you of air causes me no emotion whatsoever. And I was thinking about this today, and thinking not just about beauty, but more about the way we view things. What prompted this? Well, not some deep thoughts really. What prompted my thinking about beauty and the way we view the world was a conversation I had on MSN on Friday. And it was an extremely funny conversation, and I wanted to blog about it. But I wanted there to be more of a point to this post than me saying “ME FUNNY!” so I came up with this. And also I think by the end of this post I might say something really interesting and profound, or maybe not. I don’t know yet, let’s find out!
Anyway, you want to hear about my funny conversation? Good, because I want to tell you about it. On Friday I saw Anneli was on MySpace so I sent her a message saying hi and went back to listening to music. Then she said she wanted to introduce me to her friend Tasha on MSN. So I got on MSN and we did a three way conversation, Anneli, Tasha and I. Now you would think Anneli would tell Tasha what a weirdo I am before the conversation started, but I guess she decided to wait because she knew I would add some funny input as I always do. So this is how she introduced me. I’ll paraphrase because I don’t normally save copies of MSN conversations.
“Hey Tasha. This is Chris, he’s one of my good friends. He’s really fun.”
Okay, so far so good, right? Well she wasn’t done. After I’d said hi Anneli went on…
“He’s great, he never thinks about sex and he’s never horny. And he’s never perverted unless it’s a joke.”
Right about now I was saying, “excuse me?” but as an afterthought she just had to add…
“Actually, it’s almost like there’s something wrong with him. He’s a guy but he never thinks about sex, is horny or perverted…hmm, Chris what’s wrong with you! ;-)”
Now of course this left me trapped, because if I contradicted her I’d make myself look very bad, and also misrepresent myself, because that really is an accurate description of me. So I said I was trapped, and just agreed that I am a very odd dude. But both girls enjoyed watching me squirm and laughed at me quite a bit. It was quite funny, and we had many more laughs before the end of the conversation.
Now some of you (guys) may be thinking, “What, you let those girls insult your manliness? You wimp!” but, I hope you girls agree with me in saying, “What’s the problem with that! Those weren’t insults, those were some of the highest compliments Anneli could give you!” Even though it was a rather awkward way to be introduced I was actually extremely flattered. It showed that finally someone noticed the ways I try to be different. And it also shows what I’ve always said, self-control always pays off. But that’s not the main point of my post. What I was thinking about was the way things are viewed. First of all, different girls could view my behavior in different ways. Thank God all the girls I know appreciate my respect and treating them the same as any guy. But I think some girls might take offence or really think there’s something wrong with me. Anneli was joking of course, knowing that saying that would prompt me to make a joke about how attractive some guy has been looking lately. But it’s funny the way the same thing can be viewed different ways. Some girls might think, “what a nice guy Chris is, he always keeps his eyes on my face” while other girls may think, “why won’t he ever look at me? Does he think I’m ugly? I’m wearing my special cleavage shirt and that normally makes all the guys stare” while other girls might think, “look at him, he never touches girls or looks at their bodies. I bet he’s gay!” Now, I just realized that I’m making myself look really good. Just so everyone doesn’t think I’m getting a big head, let me say this. I’m human, and I know it. No guy is perfect, especially not me. But still, you can’t argue with the girl who’s known me all my teenage life.
So I don’t quite know what my point was. I’d had a vague idea about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder which would make a great post, but I can’t really get a real concrete idea. So I guess this post will have to do, even though it sounds more like bragging than deep thinking. Until next time, Cya!
Chris, the never thinking about sex, never horny, never perverted eunuch. I mean, wait a minute, that’s not right!
Just had to throw in that last joke, but now I’m going…Cya!
Really, I’m going now.
No, really, just go.
Goodbye………
Anyway, you want to hear about my funny conversation? Good, because I want to tell you about it. On Friday I saw Anneli was on MySpace so I sent her a message saying hi and went back to listening to music. Then she said she wanted to introduce me to her friend Tasha on MSN. So I got on MSN and we did a three way conversation, Anneli, Tasha and I. Now you would think Anneli would tell Tasha what a weirdo I am before the conversation started, but I guess she decided to wait because she knew I would add some funny input as I always do. So this is how she introduced me. I’ll paraphrase because I don’t normally save copies of MSN conversations.
“Hey Tasha. This is Chris, he’s one of my good friends. He’s really fun.”
Okay, so far so good, right? Well she wasn’t done. After I’d said hi Anneli went on…
“He’s great, he never thinks about sex and he’s never horny. And he’s never perverted unless it’s a joke.”
Right about now I was saying, “excuse me?” but as an afterthought she just had to add…
“Actually, it’s almost like there’s something wrong with him. He’s a guy but he never thinks about sex, is horny or perverted…hmm, Chris what’s wrong with you! ;-)”
Now of course this left me trapped, because if I contradicted her I’d make myself look very bad, and also misrepresent myself, because that really is an accurate description of me. So I said I was trapped, and just agreed that I am a very odd dude. But both girls enjoyed watching me squirm and laughed at me quite a bit. It was quite funny, and we had many more laughs before the end of the conversation.
Now some of you (guys) may be thinking, “What, you let those girls insult your manliness? You wimp!” but, I hope you girls agree with me in saying, “What’s the problem with that! Those weren’t insults, those were some of the highest compliments Anneli could give you!” Even though it was a rather awkward way to be introduced I was actually extremely flattered. It showed that finally someone noticed the ways I try to be different. And it also shows what I’ve always said, self-control always pays off. But that’s not the main point of my post. What I was thinking about was the way things are viewed. First of all, different girls could view my behavior in different ways. Thank God all the girls I know appreciate my respect and treating them the same as any guy. But I think some girls might take offence or really think there’s something wrong with me. Anneli was joking of course, knowing that saying that would prompt me to make a joke about how attractive some guy has been looking lately. But it’s funny the way the same thing can be viewed different ways. Some girls might think, “what a nice guy Chris is, he always keeps his eyes on my face” while other girls may think, “why won’t he ever look at me? Does he think I’m ugly? I’m wearing my special cleavage shirt and that normally makes all the guys stare” while other girls might think, “look at him, he never touches girls or looks at their bodies. I bet he’s gay!” Now, I just realized that I’m making myself look really good. Just so everyone doesn’t think I’m getting a big head, let me say this. I’m human, and I know it. No guy is perfect, especially not me. But still, you can’t argue with the girl who’s known me all my teenage life.
So I don’t quite know what my point was. I’d had a vague idea about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder which would make a great post, but I can’t really get a real concrete idea. So I guess this post will have to do, even though it sounds more like bragging than deep thinking. Until next time, Cya!
Chris, the never thinking about sex, never horny, never perverted eunuch. I mean, wait a minute, that’s not right!
Just had to throw in that last joke, but now I’m going…Cya!
Really, I’m going now.
No, really, just go.
Goodbye………
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Majora’s curse strikes again...
Majora’s curse…The most irritating string of video game problems I have ever had have surrounded The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask. Therefore, I have given a name to this phenomenon. Majora’s curse. It chill’s my blood. I have spent the last 4 years trying to beat this game, but have always been prevented. Yes, prevented. By…the curse. Allow me to tell the chilling tale. In 2004 I was an avid young gamer who believed himself a prodigy, that no game could best him. I spat at those who called themselves “gamers” yet used cheats and walkthroughs. I have of course changed my view since, but that’s not the subject of this post. I took on every new game as a challenge of my skill, and took on the Zelda games with a special relish that came from knowing that I was playing some of the greatest games ever made. As one website put it, “Every game has a story. Only one game has a legend.” I knew I was joining a great host of other gamers who had loved these games. So I played through The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time with great pleasure. But then I moved to Estonia and I was much more concerned with playing Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic on my X-Box, so Majora got forgotten, and though I had started it I never finished. I never got past the second dungeon.Then in 2005 I had played a lot of X-Box, and felt nostalgic so I dusted off my N64 and decided to beat Majora’s Mask. The only game I owned that I had never beaten. But of course I had to beat Ocarina of Time again first. Had to play the games in order. So again I enjoyed playing Ocarina of Time. And when I finished I’d had such a good time I was ready to consume Majora’s Mask. Ready to take on the one challenge I’d left unfinished. I played through the first two dungeons, first Woodfall, then Snowhead. Then I started on the third dungeon, Great Bay. But before I had entered the dungeon I took an ill fated trip to Tallinn. When we came back we found that our house had been robbed. As soon as I realized the house had been broken into I ran downstairs where the video games where, pulling my pocket knife out of my pocket as I went and flipping out the blade. But without even going in the room I could see the truth. From the doorway I saw the drawers where I kept my games hanging open, empty. I smashed my fist against the floor, screaming my anger at the world. Now of course anyone who has ever felt real pain knows this was nothing to be half so upset about as I was. No one was hurt. Nothing was taken that couldn’t be replaced or done without. But I was angry. But as time went by I stopped visiting the pawnshops where I hoped to find my things. I accepted that I would never see my things again.
By 2006 I had managed to replace everything that I wanted, and was quite content with some of my new X-Box games. And by now gaming had truly become a much more social event for me. I would play X-Box with my friends. And I was happy. It wasn’t for a while that I remembered Majora’s Mask, replaced so that it could be defeated. So I started to play. No playing Ocarina of Time first this time. I’d started to catch on. Majora’s Mask didn’t want to be defeated. It wouldn’t let me. So I had to strike fast. And I did. I quickly beat the first two dungeons. Then had to go on a trip to Finland…We were robbed again. I know who did it. Once again I was filled with a burning anger. But I gave up my anger more quickly this time. I had nothing I could do. And it was stupid teenagers this time, because the first robbery made me paranoid I had many hiding places, and they got away with very little. They wouldn’t even have gotten my N64 and Majora’s Mask if it wasn’t for the fact that I had neglected to put them away first. But they did get them both. Paranoia pays off, but it didn’t save everything. So for over a year I didn’t have an N64. When I was in America en-route to Canada and back I tried to replace it, but couldn’t find anywhere to buy it. No one sold N64s anymore. But I never gave up.
On this last trip to America I made a great sacrifice. I sold my X-Box. I ended up making zero money off it, but it was worth getting rid of something so time consuming. And what money I did get from it I put to immediate good use. I couldn’t stand not to own a console game system. So in New York I finally hunted down a store where I could buy an N64. I sacrificed my X-Box to resurrect my N64. And on that day the most expensive thing I bought, more expensive than the N64 itself, almost a quarter of the money I spent was buying…Majora’s Mask. I couldn’t let this game stand undefeated. 2008 rolled around, I turned 18. I was too busy playing Perfect Dark, I never got around to playing Majora’s mask…until now. For the last few weeks I’ve been using my spare time to defeat my rival. But I was struck by the course. I beat the first dungeon, Woodfall, easily. Then I went up to Snowhead, and a few nights ago spent an hour going through the dungeon. I was just about to battle the boss and finish the dungeon when…my game froze. That had never happened before. So, frustrated, I turned off the game and went to bed. Then, tonight, I picked up where I left off before my game froze. As my sister cheered me on I finished the dungeon in a dazzling and stylish manner. I’m always a show off when others watch. Then, as I prepared to save this great accomplishment…the joystick on my controller snapped. That had definitely never happen before. When I was in America my only option for buying new controllers was to buy some crappy, “Yobo gameware” imitation N64 controllers, that worked just fine, but just weren’t made by Nintendo. And because they weren’t Nintendo it seems they didn’t have Nintendo quality. My controller broke. So now I sit here, waiting for the super glue to dry, praying that the glue will hold for the seconds it will take me to save.
Majora’s curse…what is it about this game? Almost none of my games have ever given me any problems like this. In fact none of them have avoided me so consistently. How could they? Two thefts, two breakages…4 years. I will beat this game. I don’t know what it is. Why is it that so consistently in this one part of the game the world seems to interfere? Is there something that I shouldn’t see? Is there something in this game, something in this next dungeon...something…I don’t know. What could it be? Now, of course I don’t believe in this type of a curse. Or any curse really. And I won’t say it’s bad luck either. But it’s a huge and irritating set of coincidences. That is, things that coincide in a strange way. But I will beat this game. I will stand victorious over this, my greatest challenge.
I’m sorry if I freaked you out with my nerd talk. If you liked my nerd talk, here’s some more. Littlekuriboh made a new video. You know what I mean. And there’s a super special awesome Zelda reference in this one too! And also, I just tried out the super glued controller and though I wouldn’t trust it for much real play, at least I was able to save. But because I had to save in a rush like that I lost 200 rupees! Dang it! Anyway, once again I have triumphed over Majora’s Curse! And I shall continue to triumph until I realize that playing children’s games is not worth so much of my time! Wait a minute, what did I just say? That could never happen could it? Could it? Anyway, I must be off now. I hope no one steals or breaks my N64. Because that does seem to be the pattern. So now goodnight, sleep tight, and pray the deku scrubs don’t bite!
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Well, yesterday was Sadie Hawkins day...And I'm STILL SINGLE!!
Well, things on this planet never work like in the movies. And though it may have been nice if yesterday some girl materialized and decided she was madly in love with me. But because my life only resembles a movie in the levels of comic unreality surounding me no girls took the time to materialize. Which is actually probably a good thing, because if a girl materialized in front of me I'd probably freak out and think she was an alien trying to kill me or a figment of my imagination proving that I've finally snapped. So, sadly, I'm still one lonely guy fighting the world without the balancing influence of a beautiful female sidekick. Wait a minute, who says the chick has to be the sidekick? Okay, so maybe I'll be the sidekick, and when I screw up she'll smash my face in...no. No, let's just drop the whole sidekick thing. I mean who wants to get kicked in the side anyway? Not me...So now I spent my Saturday babysitting (do I ever do anything else?) and I am so sick of little kids. If there's blood you can cry, over anything else, SHUT UP! I'm not really that mean. I'm just so tired of being yelled at by a 3 year old because he wants me to make him a sandwhich with peanut butter, fluff, nutella, and jelly on just one piece of bread and I'm saying he has to pick two things, not four. I can feel my blood pressure rising...But anyway, I'm done babysitting now. So maybe I can play The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, or Heroes of Might and Magic III and IV, or maybe I could just lie down on my bed in a T-Shirt and jeans (it would be great to not need warm clothes), put on some calming music, open my window and have a cool spring breeze play over my face. But at the moment a "cool spring breeze" would freeze me. And it's so cold I wear a hoody and fleece most of the time. And calming music...well, at least I can get that. So anyway, I'm off now. I'm tired, but I still have crap to do...crap, crap, craperoo...crappity, crap, crap. If i spell that wrong it would be carp you know...I don't want to eat carp, it taste's like...never mind. I'm rambling. So I bid thee farewell as I heroically march off into the sunset with a sword strapped to my back and a glint in my eye. GLINT!
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