Kettles!!

I like standing kettles. It's fun! And for those not used to my Salvo terminology, to stand kettles is standing and collecting money for the Salvation Army, and in America we do that with red kettles. Here we have two different ways. We have a kettle, rather like in America, but the bottom is black and only the top is red, which i think makes it look evil and scary. But hey, it's what we've got! And then we have this annoying little red things from finland that has a handle and you hold in your hand, very uncomfortable and unwieldly, it's what we use the most because it's so portable. So anyway, this morning i got recruited to stand kettles because no one else had signed up, and since i don't have anything better to do (Actually i have other things that need doing, just nothing better) i ended up going to Raekoja Plats and then Stockmann to collect money. It was cold. Despite the fact that the sun was out i was still freezing. You know why? Of course not, i haven't told you yet! Well anyway, after eating a fish-stick and cheese sandwhich for lunch i went off with my Dad to the Corps, put on my uniform, and had him help me get the kettle to Raekoja Plats (Town Hall square, one of, if not the busiest tourist centers of Tallinn). I got to have the evil red and black big one. So i was happy, i wouldn't have to hold a dumb hunk of plastic! But little did i know that the only place we were allowed to stand was right next to the Troika resturant, tucked behind the stage and Christmas market. Let me try to give you some idea of where i was. In front of me was a row of houses selling all sorts of touristy things, ecxept i was facing THE BACK of them, so now of the touristy people buying touristy things saw me to give money to me. And if the wasn't bad enough i had the giant black stage in front and to the left of me and next to that they were doing construction, so now one could see me from the front or left, and behind me was a wall, so no one from there either. And on my right was the side alley entrance to Raekoja Plats. So i had a few people come to look at the guy in the funny uniform. I almot thought that a group of teenagers of questionable nationaliy (They didn't speak any language i knew) were going to come up to me the way they do with with British palace guards in movies. and try and get me to talk and move and stuff. I would have thought that was hilarious, because unlike the guards in Britain i'm there to talk! But sadly no one came up to mess with me. Well, as me and me and my Dad were setting up one older lady came up and in first Finnish, then Russian and finally Estonian came up and ask the classic Salvation Army question "Salvation? Who are you saving?" It's always a fun question to answer. I'm always tempted to make stuff up and say "We're here to save you from asking us dumb questions, and the only way can do that is by stalking you and then sniping you through your bedroom window as you sleep. What did you say your name and home address were again?" But of course i didn't.

Anyway, as i stood next to my kettle in Raekoja Plats smiling nicely at old lady or funky teenager who happened to walk, a strange thing happened. An older guy and his wife, who were both obviously British walked past me and stared at me kind of guiltily, and of course what does a kettle worker do when he gets a guilty stare? He gives a "Think of the poor starving people who aren't even going to get to eat this Christmas because you were too greedy and didn't put in any money" kind of smile. Now most people don't know how it's possible to say all that with one smile, but believe me, it's possible. So anyway, this gulty British couple walked past and then went and hid behind a car. No joke, they went and hid behind a car. And they stared at me, and talked, and finally come to some conclusion becuase the lady went into the crystal store and the man went into the Christmas market. "Odd" i thought. But then next thing i know the man reapears from the Christmas market, being very careful to look like he hadn't already passed me, and then, with a fake interested look on his face, walked up and dropped in some money. And then scurried away as quickly as he could and mumbled something as i called out my customary "Äitah!" It was very funny. And then later the couple walked by me again and as they were walking closer i heard him say to her "Love, you can't be hungry again!" and then as i looked over at them they quit speaking in English and tried to walk past without looking at me. Well, without looking directly at me, even though they did stare out me in an awed sort of way out of the corners of their eyes. They were funny.

And the rest of my time at Raekoja Plats was pretty uneventful, well except some old ladies, attracted by my beard, started hitting on me. But hey, i don't mind. From sixteen to sixty, i flirt with them all. It was very funny. They came up to me and in Estonian started saying things like "Aren't you cold?" And despite the fact that i wanted to scream a loud "YES" i settled with a calm little laugh and a "yes". Kind of like i was saying "yes, i'm freezing to death, but don't worry about me because i think freezing to death would be funny!" And then they kept on with things like "Your nose looks so cold, you must be so cold" and other such delightful old lady things. One thing i just want to say is how come at the corps all we have is these scary, evil old ladies? I want some of these nice old ladies. Not the scary ones who sit there whispering "Look at those young people, they laughed! How dare they laugh! Happiness should be illegal you know! Youth is truly wasted on the young!!" And i sit there whispering "Age is wasted on the old, i mean if we switched places and we all got younger then i could be happy about time passing, because i'd be getting younger!" Anyway, after the old ladies put in some money and finished flirting with me then took off and i was all alone again. One of the nice things about being tucked in a back corner of Raekoja Plats is that since there was no one there i could do whatever i wanted. Normally i wouldn't eat while on kettles but since no one was there anyway i was able to pull out some chocolate and have a snack, and then when i got really bored and cold i started singing. I mean come on, nobody was there to scare away so why not? If i could have listened to my MP3 player too i'd really be ripping out the songs but no MP3 player on kettles...sad.

But then the fun began, about 20 mintues before my dad came to pick me up another British guy came up to me and asked me my favorite question "Do you speak English?" I'm always tempted to go "I sprecken!" or whatever. And i found out he was a British officer who had come to Estonia for his birthday. So i chatted with him for a bit about this and that and then he left and a few minutes after he left i noticed something, he didn't give any money! Stinking British officers...they know how it is to stand kettles. Why don't they give? Oh the tragedy. But then after going back to the corps, making myself some tea, and reheating my frozen toes i learned that i had made more money than anyone else that day (YAY!!) and was then asked to go over to Stockmann for an hour to collect some more. But this time of course i'd be using the ugly little red hunk of uncomfortable plastic that i hate so very much. So i jumped on the tram, getting many stares from passersby (Who is this freak in the strange uniform? And why is he on my tram!) and over all had a fun trip. My favorite part is just as i was coming up to where i was going to stand two youngish boys passed me and one of them turned and said "Hea müts!" or "Good hat!" which gave me a big smile, because i've always hated my uniform hat. It's uncomfortable, impractical and looks like a flying saucer. But if i put another hat inside it it actually can keep my head warm a little bit. So then i stood by the back door of Stockmann with the goal to beat Andrus's 70 something Krooni that he had gotten, of course i proudly called my dad to report that i HAD beaten Andrus when a nice older lady put in 100 Krooni. Not much interesting happened. One thing that made me really happy was a rough looking teenage guy stood next to me for a while smoking, and despite the fact that i found it completely repulsive i still smiled at him and then he walked up to me and did his best to jam in two crumpled two Krooni bills. I don't know why, but him giving me 4 Krooni made me happier than the old lady who gave me 100. Anyway, my favorite part was when Sanata visited. Oh, you didn't know Santa works at Stockmann? He does! He was selling Christmas trees a little ways a way from me. And since he was dressed as a really beat up looking Santa and i was dressed like the only Salvationist in Estonia we were both getting a lot of stares. And when two people get stared at a lot it creates a certain bond between them. So after i had stood for about an hour he came up and gave me 6 Krooni and a piece of cheap candy. That made me laugh. He was cool. So anyway, then i got to go home and rest and be happy. It was a good day. I was very happy. And i'm still happy because it gave me so much to blog about. But now i musty go and play with my siblings some more, because once again, i'm babysitting! Cya!