I know it will take a special kind of nerd to appreciate this, but…

Well, I guess I just know a lot of special nerds. I don’t really know if I’ve ever blogged about Foam In the Liberal Arts (F.I.L.A.), the Nerf club at Houghton, or admitted that I’m such a big nerd, but I guess it’s about time. What is the reason for my sudden desire to discuss Nerf on my blog? Well, one unabashed reason. I’m prideful and I think, despite all cultural evidence to the contrary, that this makes me look cool. Also, Nerf is my time to unrestrainedly stroke my ego because of my toys. So, let the egomania commence!

I am proud to announce (brag) that I have invented my own custom Nerf mod: The Vigilante!

Since I’m ego stroking anyway I can give it whatever cocky name I want. This is an Alpha Trooper CS-18 blaster loaded with a Raider CS-35 clip and, here’s the kicker, with an attached Longshot CS-6 stock. My favorite part is that it’s held together with rubber bands. What’s cool about this modification is that, not only does the primary clip hold 36 shots, but the new stock holds the 18 round clip perfectly. What’s that? 54 shots with only one reload? Yes, yes that is what I’m bragging about. Also, because the Longshot stock is only connected to the Alpha Trooper through rubber bands the recoil vibrations of firing don’t transfer. No more sore shoulder! Oh, and of course the air restrictors have been removed as well, so the range is 30-40 feet depending on the dart and elevation. But most of all, it will just look cool!

Anyway, thank you for indulging my extreme nerdiness. I just feel pretty cocky and pretty happy about this. I’m looking forward to getting back to Houghton and really trying it out.

Am I Where I'm Supposed to Be?

Well, today I've been working on school stuff. NO!!! It's barely August and I'm working on school stuff? It's follow up to my internship. Don't worry, I haven't had a complete personality shift and become one of those people who reads their books for class the summer before or gets good grades or something. No, I'll always be a barely average slacker, no worries there.

Self-deprecation aside, I've been wondering if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Not just today as I've been typing up patient histories and wishing I could play Mass Effect instead but other times too. When I started out at Houghton I had a religion major because I figured that, as far as God goes, you can't get in too much trouble majoring in Him. But within half a semester I desperately missed writing and I was getting very sick of boring facts about the Old Testament and I had failed/dropped Biblical Greek. So the study of religion was, by and large, out of my future and I went back to my first love: Writing.

Psychology had always interested me, plus I wanted an excuse to take Human Sexuality and Abnormal Psychology, so I decided to minor in it. Up until this past semester I was very satisfied with focusing on writing and having psychology as a hobby. But then I started counting credits. I had already taken the majority of writing classes that Houghton offered and more than enough for my major so I wasn't sure what I would do my senior year. Until I realized that I had just enough room to squeeze in a psychology major on the applied pre-therapy track. This was exciting not only because psychology is cool and really interesting to me, but because it meant that I might graduate with an actual hireable degree and keep me from living in a cardboard box after college.

Due to my psych major I spent a large portion of this summer as a psychology major at the Acadia Hospital, a psychiatric hospital in Bangor that's about a 20 minute walk from my house. It was a really cool experience and when I first started I felt all fired up and was like "YES! This is what I'll do for the rest of my life. I'll be a psychotherapy super hero!" But by the middle of the summer, and definitely by the end, I was less sure. I don't know if I have the patience or endurance for a career in psychology. I think I would definitely burn out by either getting too impatient or getting too emotionally involved with my clients. Honestly, I think I might be too much of a softy for that kind of work. I don't know. Also, I think I may be too wimpy for the classwork. This coming semester I will be exclusively taking psychology classes. Honestly, they all look hard, and I'm only really interested in one.

So I feel kind of torn. My temptation is to drop the psych major, change all my hard, core psych classes for next semester to easy, fun, and random classes, and to spend the rest of my life as a starving artist living off my writing/becoming the next David Foster Wallace (not like, I'm not that good.) The only problem is that I'm getting married. If I wasn't getting married I would feel no responsibility to grow up, get a job, mature, or be responsible at all. But I do.

I guess I should just stick with my psych major. It's the practical thing to do. It's also really hard work and I would hate to fail a class. I mean, if I do then I have to drop the psych major.

Anyway, for the few people still reading this blog I guess you've figured out that I've got my angst back so I'm writing again. It's been a while since I wrote anything with zero conclusion, meaning, or decisiveness. But here I go. I think I'm enjoying getting back into it.

Old Orchard Beach and Life and Stuff

Well, as expected, my last blog post did come across as somewhat more incendiary than necessary. I really haven't figured out how to write, or talk, about politics well. I will someday. For now I hope that at least some people got something out of it. I remember when I was in Estonia and blogging much more consistently that some young Americans I knew back in America were forbidden to read my blog by their parents because of how offensive I come across. Oh well, you win some, you lose some, you irreversibly alienate and make enemies of some. So it goes, say Kurt Vonnegut and I.

Anyway, now that I've blogged once it's like some sort of writing Cocaine and I feel all-powerful and like I should just keep going. Also, like a Cocaine high it doesn't last very long so I need to keep doing MASSIVE amounts, like Scarface or something.

Anyway, here's what I've been up to lately. My internship is all done, which is great because it means I can focus on other things. So this past weekend I was down in Old Orchard Beach (OOB, which always seems slightly dirty...) for Salvation Army Camp Meetings. It was a really good time. Jenny got to be exposed to a million people in uniforms (again) and I got to see a bunch of people who have known me since I was a fetus and who, seeing as how I was so fetal, I don't remember at all. I always feel awkward in those situations...

Anyway, it was really great. I liked the main speaker, Oscar Roan, a lot. But even more than that I really enjoyed hearing from some really cool Salvationists, like Commissioner James Knaggs (who has a surprisingly big Wikipedia Article.) It was quite a good time. I also bought the new book by Knaggs and Major Stephen Court, who I knew in Vancouver. It's called One For All and it's really cool. I haven't really looked at it much, but it's really cool. It's like 3 books in one, and the first book is a collection of essays from a whole bunch of different Salvationists. This is one book I am very excited to read.

So, that's really all I had to write about...FOR NOW! But I would like to write about Psalm 103 (super great) and David Foster Wallace (My long haired writing idol) at some point. But right now I need to go see the Lego creations Jenny and Peter are building together.

A Political Post...I Guess

I normally try to avoid politics. I prefer the methods advocated by this comic. Politics are just a sticky issue, especially when people mix their politics with religion. But I haven't written in a while and politics has been on my mind lately. I think a large part of it is the Utøya massacre in Norway, and even more than that, the way some Americans have responded. Being the digital information pack-rat that I am I downloaded Anders Behring Breivik's 1516 page manifesto and, aside from being quite similar to the Anarchist's Cookbook in the "Planning the operation" and "Evaluating attack strategies" sections in it's advice on how to build bombs and such, I was shocked at how political it was.

The initial reaction when something like this happens is "the shooter must have been crazy." Our deep seated hope is that no human being is capable of such evil unless they have lost their mind. We would like to think that no one could ever say, "I have logically deduced that killing 77 [The Death Toll as I write] people at a youth camp is a good choice." The very idea that this could be a thought that someone would not only consider in passing, but plan out and be able to defend is horrific to most of us. Yet this shooting is just the most recent of many, crossing geographical, political, religious, and cultural lines. And I would argue that the majority of these were not perpetrated by people who were mentally unstable, but people with an agenda.

September 11th, 2001, is the best example of this. Murder on a terrifying scale--but for a reason. The people who killed approximately 3000 people that day were not insane. These people were merely people with committed beliefs. People who were trying to send a message.

And this is why I feel that I should write about politics, at least a little. Maybe it's some of the disgust I feel over politically motivated killing that makes me want to spout my political views. Maybe I'm tired of trying to hide my views to keep from causing fights with people at school. I don't know. Either way, I think it's about time.

So, I guess you could say I'm liberal. "Wait, wait, CHRIS! You're liberal? YOU BABY KILLING HOMOSEXUAL SATANIC WIMP!!!" Whoa, chill out there. Let me explain what I mean by liberal. I guess I'm liberal compared to many of the hard line cradle conservative cradle Christians at Houghton. But then again, my roommate is Communist and I'm not as liberal as him. But I do love NPR and hate Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. Anyway, I'm a memoirist (at least I like to think) so it's story time!

I remember the first time the whole political polarity was brought to my attention. The dichotomy of Conservatives, Christians, and the average Joe (the Plumber) VS. Liberals, Anti-Christanical Atheists, and "Snotty Intellectuals" had never mattered to me before. When I lived in Estonia I didn't care about American politics any more than to make fun of Bushisms and wish that America didn't look quite so bad overseas. I figured that I was a Christian first, and as a follower of Christ I would make whatever voting decisions would come my way based on how the candidate lined up with my faith, not with my political party.

So once upon a time I had just arrived in America. It was August of 2008 and politics were hot. There was a chance we could have a black president! Or...a liberal anti-Christ who would destroy our country ("One Big Ass Mistake America", is the bumper sticker I saw next to a "The Gun in the Driver's Hand is Larger than it Appears" sticker.) Either way I didn't pay much attention. I was about to go to college and I didn't have time for anything as boring as politics. But really, it's unavoidable. I was riding in the car with my uncle and he, a proud Christian, was listening to Rush Limbaugh's inflammatory conservative commentary and chuckling and nodding in agreement. Rush had just said something about Europe being full of weaklings (compared to the mighty America) and the French surrendering to anything in a helmet. My uncle laughed but I, fresh from Europe, was offended. All French-military-defeats jokes aside, why do Americans feel the need to insult every other country? It's like guys who are insecure about their genitals calling other guys inadequate. I don't get it.

Anyway, onward and upward! Now that I've offended every American reading this...

Later my uncle responded in agreement to some of the rants coming from the radio saying "Those snooty stuck up intellectuals think they know everything!" I was surprised. I had never heard being an intellectual be referred to as a negative thing before. I thought it was good to be smart. I was, after all, on my way to college so I could grow intellectually. That's the whole point. Then I got the full implications. Should only the uneducated, unintellectuals be allowed in politics? I'm not saying they wouldn't fit right in or don't constitute a large portion of politicians, but I do think that to be an effective politician a little knowledge would go a long way.

Then I went to Houghton. Ahh, freedom. A diverse campus with people who put Christ first and have a strong sense of faith leading them in their political choices. Or so I thought. I soon realized that the mostly white middle class student body was also mostly conservative. In fact, I found that people thought that being a conservative was not only better for America, but "The Christian Party." This was when I learned of the Conservative/Christian entanglement. I wasn't surprised at how many people at Houghton were pro-life, but I was shocked at how many Houghtonites were pro-war and death penalty. It didn't make sense to me. Also, during the furor of the election people were declaiming Obama for...well, we weren't sure. He was liberal though, and hell, that's bad. McCain though, and Palin, such wonderful Christians who would lead our country to revival or...something. Most Houghton students were of voting age, and many of those had no deep understanding of why they were voting for the candidate they picked, but they had no doubts and never even considered the other party's views.

I, on the other hand, was gifted with some very liberal friends. I had a Democrat, a Socialist, a Communist, and I became an Anarchist to round it out. I didn't vote, and likely won't in this next election either, but I was glad when Obama won largely because it really pissed off and shook up all the cradle conservatives around me. It was funny. There's a great South Park episode (Free on their site) about it that was surprisingly accurate. I was still undecided, but I was definitely leaning left.

Over the years I've realized that it's more than my friends that make me liberal. But the biggest issue to me is this: CONSISTENCY!

I don't view myself as either republican or democrat because I don't think either one is consistent. I think both contradict and oppose their own views. Don't believe me? Let's see who cares about citizen's rights...

Conservatives: Right to bear arms (Bang, BANG--F-YEAH!)
Liberals: Right to abort (My body, MY choice!)

So that means...

Conservatives: Outlaw abortion (It's murder! Here, let me take those rights out of your hands...)
Liberals: Gun control (Guns kill people! Here, let me take those rights off your hands...)

Okay, well maybe that's not a good issue. What's a big one-issue-voter issue? How about being "Pro-life."

Conservatives: "We're pro-life because we are against abortions. Don't kill babies!"
Liberals: "We're pro-life because we're against war and guns. Don't kill anyone!"

Most "Pro-lifers" I know are only pro-life about abortion, but no way in hell are you going to restrict their God-given right to assault rifles and going to war and bombing cities and killing 98,170 - 107,152 civilians in Iraq (we killed about twice as many civilians as we did combatants...)

See what I mean? Politics is a sticky, yucky business.

So I think the whole conservative-liberal-republican-democrat-we're-all-just-shit-anyway argument is stupid.

Finally, as I promised, here's where I stand, on the issues mentioned in this post at least. Like I've said, from what I understand, this makes me liberal. But I'm new to American politics, so if I'm wrong please correct me so all my conservative Houghton friends won't kill me.

Concerning pro-life, I'm pro-life ALL THE WAY. I want consistency. So in my mind to be pro-life is to be anti-whatever-kills-people. So I am against abortions, war, guns, and the military by and large, considering that America spends more on it's military than the rest of the world put together and has unnecessary national treasury draining bases everywhere around the world. That is my idea of what it means to be consistent. Oh, also, I'm against supporting Israel. American tax dollars pay 20% of Israel's military budget. 1 in 5 dead Palestinians was American bought. I am definitely not a Christian Zionist by any means. Plus, I just want to be a hippy. Hippies are liberal.

So, here I am, consistent as I claim to be and liberal as I am told I am. I welcome civil thoughts and comments. My biggest issue is consistency. I respect other opinions that are consistent, like if someone were pro-war, pro-gun, pro-choice, and wanted military bases everywhere and wanted to fund as many Uzis as Israel can produce. But when people get inconsistent it gets hard for me to take them seriously.

Anyway, this is Chris signing off with an anarchist music video. Rock out and I hope you enjoyed the post!