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Ah, Chris. What a guy. Who better to record the wild chronicles of his life than himself? Within these posts are stories and jokes, thoughts and wild conspiracy theories. As Chris grows and continues to view life as nothing more than an extended comedy sketch so will this blog continue recording the weirdness of the life led by one really epic guy.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
MAJOR MASSIVE EXTREME EXCITEMENT!! Relient K has a new CD!!!!!!!
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Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Spring...When the freaks come out to play!
I'm currently uploading Estonia street fighters part three for those of you who enjoyed the first two. Yes i know they suck. Yes i know the camera never stops shaking. I know it's zoomed in to far. I know all of that. But when you're bored and you have a camera in your bag crazy things happen. so once again the link to my account is: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=Kurisuvidz By the way, tell me what you think of my account with the blue background. I think it's much better than that white one. Anyway, now i must go shovel some food into my stomach. Cya!
Sunday, March 25, 2007
New YouTube vids!
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Saturday, March 24, 2007
This post is to inform you of Chris' tragic shaving accident. You could say he really lost his head! HAHA! GOTCHA! You thought i was dead! Scared ya.
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Thursday, March 22, 2007
The most recent terifying news from my life!
About an hour ago the the shop that is fixing my shaver closed for they day. They stil haven't called me. I'm terified. Because do you know what this means? I'm going to have to use a razor. AGH!! RAZOR!!! SCARY!!! So as soon as i finish this post i'm gonna get my dad to show me how to use a razor. Now i believe that this may be my last post. Because i am 100% sure that i am going to slice off my head with that razor. And i'll probably chop off my arms and legs too, just for fun. I am so scared of that razor. But this beard is bugging me. I want to shave. But just not with a razor. And a know that so many GIRLS have said to me "Don't worry, we use razors all the time" but let me point something out, YOU DON'T HAVE THE JUGULAR VEIN IN YOUR LEG!!! That's really, really scary. Blood everywhere...Ugh! I don't actually have anything more to say, i just want to prolong this post so that i can avoid shaving for as long as possible. But it is inevitable. I want to be beautiful tommorow. So i have too do it. I just have one thing to motivate me. You know all those commercials where the guy shaves and then all these girls walk up to him and are all like "Oh, your skin is so smooth! Now i wanna kiss you! I love you smooth skinned guy who just shaved!" so that os my goal. Tommorow i'm hoping all these girls will walk up to me and remark on how much they want to kiss me. Well, it was nice, if not unrealistic, thought. But now i can't put it off any longer. I must go. And if i die, know that i love you all dearly. Goob bye!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Standing on the razor's edge....
I feel like there is a quote somewhere in the back of my mind that's something like that, but it's just not coming. But i have a very different meaning then most people would have when talking about standing on the razor's edge. I mean a literal razor. And i'm terrified. Now trust me. This all sounds worse than it really is. What i'm scared is actually as simple, and terrifying as, a razor's edge. Let me explain. A few days ago my electric shaver broke. And i haven't gotten it fixed yet. And so for a while i've just been growing out a nasty beard. But today i brought my shaver to some place to be fixed and they said they'd call me "sometime this week" with info on price and such. But by friday i'd like to be beautiful. Friday is youth night, when the corps is full of beautiful girls. And so i'd like to try to look beautiful too. So i see only a few options left. Either i (A.) pray really hard that they fix may shaver and call me tommorow (Well, i'll do this anyway) or i (B.) go out and bye a new electric shaver (Where will i get the money?) or i will mostly likely be forced to (C.) get my dad to show me how to shave with a razor. AGH!!! A RAZOR!!! I don't like razors!!!! Every time i go to get my hair cut and the lady pulls out the razor and scrapes the side of my neck i go crazy! For all the 30 seconds she's doing it i'm praying "Oh God! KILL ME NOW!! PLEASE DON'T LET HER SLICE MY JUGULAR VEIN! I DON'T WANT TO BLEED TO DEATH NOW!!" And so far i haven't been brutally murdered. But that's because that was a trained professional who will lose her job if she screws up. But me...I'm terrified to pick up a razor and slice open my face. I can picture it now. First i slice off my lips. Then my ears. Then i go for the jugular vein and end it all! It's really scary!! I just know that i'm not gonna have much face left if i start shaving with a razor. I want to die as a hero fighting aliens or something. Not lying on the floor bleeding! Have you ever seen dumb and dumber? You know that part when they get their hair cut? And the barber pulls out the razor? And as he's got it on Jim Carry's neck Jim Carry puts his hand up to his neck and starts freaking out as what looks like blood pours through his fingers and the barber faints and then Jim Carry shows that it's ketchup packs? Remember that? That's disgusting! And that's what's gonna happen to me! Only i'm gonna be shaving really fast or something and then i'm going to slip and chop off my whole head and it will roll out of the bathroom and...UGH!! DISGUSTING!!! I am terrified to shave with a razor. But i might just have to. Scary. Anyway, now that i was able to blog that i'm going to get back to praying that God miraculously heals my shaver and that the repair shop won't charge me for it! Cya!
Monday, March 19, 2007
March 19th...Hmmm...
Today...Is a day. For me this day has special meaning. For others most likely not. This day has a special meaning in the worst kind of way. It's the anniversary of pure and utter evil. Evil that pains me still and is not likely to stop paining me for quite some time still. If it will ever stop. Today i had been planning to write a big long angry post, quoting Panic! At the disco songs in an angry manner, but i've done that too much already. And i really shoudln't use my blog for personal vendetta. And i thought about it and i decided that i will not write this angry post. Instead i will enjoy the day. I will not stew in anger. I will enjoy what little sun we had today. And so that's what i've done. And it has been quite a nice day. But fighting memories is tiring work. The hardest battles are the ones where you are your worst enemy. But i have survived so far and i will keep on surviving. And so now i must go. There is one more pointless, empty, meaningless post to fill the silent void. I hope you enjoyed it. But now, my bed calls, with all it's warmth and comfort. Good night.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
It's raining chicks! Hallelujah!
Anyway, rain isn't the only thing bringing joy into my life, the other thing is girls! Girls always bring joy to my life. And today especially. Today i spent most of the day hanging out with three beautiful girls. Well i guess i should say two because one gets angry when i say she's beautiful.
But as i was running around with three beauties yesterday something i had realized last night while listening to rain sort of came full circle and really made total sense. I realized this. I don't need a girlfriend! I've been single for a good while now and about half that good while i've hated it. But i realized something. In winter having a girlfriend is logical because girls are so warm. So when your hands are cold you have someone to hold hands with. And when your heart feels frozen by the evil of little sunlight and lots of snow you have someone to thaw it out for you. But spring is coming! I've surivived a winter being single by blowing on my hands and hugging my little brother, but now that the weather is getting warm i don't need a girlfriend to keep me warm, the sun will do that. And plus as yesterday pointed out so very well i already have all the female companionship i could want. So i will stick with a great summer with three girls-as-friends and leave out girlfriends with all their diabolical plans. Anyway, that's just one more pointless post. This is Chris signing off!
*Tai-Kung-Fu-Jitsu is my own unique fighting style that i created. The main thing you do is scream and swing your arms around in an attempt to scare off your oppenent. And if that doesn't work you run away really, really fast.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
10 Lessons on manhood from Joseph!
As i mentioned quite a while (before getting very, VERY sidetracked) i am trying to read the whole bible through before my 18th birthday. So far i am doing horrible. I am a firm believer in Yoda's "Try not, do or do not, there is no try." and i am very tempted to simply "do not". But then i will never become a Jedi knight. And that would be sad. Not really. But i do feel this needs to be one of those things i do rather than do not. So i have been trying. And just recently i was reading about Joseph. As in the dude with the shiny coat. Or at least it was shiny until his brothers got ticked off and...well, read the story your self (Genesis 37-50). So anyway, I have some lessons on manhood that i have learned from Joseph that i wanted to share with you all. Because i think it's cool. And also Joseph defies the accepted norm, which i think is awesome. So anyway, the things i have learned from Joseph about how to be a real man. 1. Real men ask for directions. In 37:15-17 when Joseph is wandering looking for his brothers he asked some random man "Have you seen them?" Therefore, REAL men ask for directions. 2. Real men are trustworthy, 3. responsible and 4. have good organizational skills. You will notice that in Potiphar's house (39:1-18) Joseph quickly rose to be "entrusted with all his business dealings" meaning that Potiphar must have really trusted him, because i don't know about any of you, but if i had some foreign slave working in my house i would i wouldn't trust him with any of my business dealings! So Joseph was trustworthy. And then in verse 6 Potiphar likes Joseph so much that he gives him "Complete administrative responsibility" meaning that he was responsible and must have had great organizational skills. I mean this was the house of the captain of the palace guard. This guy wasn't someone with a small house, this was a big rich guy.
5. Real men stand firm in the face of strong temptation, 6. wise and 7. real men run away. This is one of the most famous lessons from Joseph's life but every time i read it i like it all over again. Potiphar wasn't the only one who noticed how great Joseph was. Potiphar's wife decided she liked Joseph. And not just in a friendly way. She LIKED him. So she said "hey Joseph, come sleep with me". Now this probably wasn't some old hag who wanted to sleep with him. As the captain of the palace guard Potiphar could have his pick of Egyptian women, and i'm sure he didn't pick his wife for her personality and faithfulness. So this hot, rich, and powerful woman was throwing herself at his feet asking him to sleep with her and what does Joseph say? "NO!" But she really, REALLY likes him. So she keeps pressuring him. And pressuring him. And pressuring him. But he always refused her. He was the boss of the house. He could cover everything and no one would ever know. But he refused. He stood strong in the face of enormous temptation. And he was even wise enough to take measures to protect himself by avoiding her as much as possible. But then one day they were alone together and she grabbed him and demanded of him "SLEEP WITH ME!!" from his point of view at this time there were probably very few reasons to say no right then. They were alone. He was the boss of the house. Nothing to stop him. But he stood strong, and he was wise enough to know that this was too much for him, so he took off and ran out of the house. Wow. That just goes to prove real men are strong, wise, and do run away.
8. Real men make the best of things. After that nasty run in with Potiphar's wife Potiphar was understandably quite angry and threw Joseph in jail. I'm surprised he didn't kill him, as the captain of the guard i'm sure he had the power. But despite being in jail Joseph still made the best of things. He ended in charge of the prison this time (39:19-23). If i were in jail i seriously doubt i would be willing to cooperate with my jailer so much. 9. Real men are observant and 10. helpful. It almost goes without saying that in almost all the previous situations Joseph was pretty helpful. But now, in 40:6-7 he is both observant and helpful. He notices two of the other people in jail seem a bit down (now i would think "Hey, they're in jail, of course they're a little depressed!") so he asked them why they were feeling so down. And so they told him they had both had dreams and didn't have anyone to tell them what they mean. So Joseph says "God can tell you what they mean! Tell me about your dreams." and so he helps them out. Well he helps one out, but the other just finds out he's about to get his head stuck on a pole. So anyway, that's ten lessons from Joseph on what it means to be a true man. Real men:
1. Ask for directions
2. Are trustworthy
3. Are responsible
4. Have good organizational skills
5. Stand firm in the face of temptation
6. Are wise
7. Run away
8. Make the best of things
9. are observant
10. are helpful
And i still have 10 more chapters of Josephs life i could go through but if i do that i'll be here all night. So i might add more later. For example 11. real men cry when they're hurt. Yeah, but that will come later. But until then, Cya!
5. Real men stand firm in the face of strong temptation, 6. wise and 7. real men run away. This is one of the most famous lessons from Joseph's life but every time i read it i like it all over again. Potiphar wasn't the only one who noticed how great Joseph was. Potiphar's wife decided she liked Joseph. And not just in a friendly way. She LIKED him. So she said "hey Joseph, come sleep with me". Now this probably wasn't some old hag who wanted to sleep with him. As the captain of the palace guard Potiphar could have his pick of Egyptian women, and i'm sure he didn't pick his wife for her personality and faithfulness. So this hot, rich, and powerful woman was throwing herself at his feet asking him to sleep with her and what does Joseph say? "NO!" But she really, REALLY likes him. So she keeps pressuring him. And pressuring him. And pressuring him. But he always refused her. He was the boss of the house. He could cover everything and no one would ever know. But he refused. He stood strong in the face of enormous temptation. And he was even wise enough to take measures to protect himself by avoiding her as much as possible. But then one day they were alone together and she grabbed him and demanded of him "SLEEP WITH ME!!" from his point of view at this time there were probably very few reasons to say no right then. They were alone. He was the boss of the house. Nothing to stop him. But he stood strong, and he was wise enough to know that this was too much for him, so he took off and ran out of the house. Wow. That just goes to prove real men are strong, wise, and do run away.
8. Real men make the best of things. After that nasty run in with Potiphar's wife Potiphar was understandably quite angry and threw Joseph in jail. I'm surprised he didn't kill him, as the captain of the guard i'm sure he had the power. But despite being in jail Joseph still made the best of things. He ended in charge of the prison this time (39:19-23). If i were in jail i seriously doubt i would be willing to cooperate with my jailer so much. 9. Real men are observant and 10. helpful. It almost goes without saying that in almost all the previous situations Joseph was pretty helpful. But now, in 40:6-7 he is both observant and helpful. He notices two of the other people in jail seem a bit down (now i would think "Hey, they're in jail, of course they're a little depressed!") so he asked them why they were feeling so down. And so they told him they had both had dreams and didn't have anyone to tell them what they mean. So Joseph says "God can tell you what they mean! Tell me about your dreams." and so he helps them out. Well he helps one out, but the other just finds out he's about to get his head stuck on a pole. So anyway, that's ten lessons from Joseph on what it means to be a true man. Real men:
1. Ask for directions
2. Are trustworthy
3. Are responsible
4. Have good organizational skills
5. Stand firm in the face of temptation
6. Are wise
7. Run away
8. Make the best of things
9. are observant
10. are helpful
And i still have 10 more chapters of Josephs life i could go through but if i do that i'll be here all night. So i might add more later. For example 11. real men cry when they're hurt. Yeah, but that will come later. But until then, Cya!
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
I just got back from...England?
It was especially cool because my billet partner was Eero, because he's my cool, quick witted, Estonian buddy. And he let me speak to him all in Estonian, which was quite nice because it meant we had a wonderful little code language to speak so that no Brits could understand. Not that we said anything offensive of course...Anyway, after a nice nights sleep we had an adventure with the shower. Quite an exciting adventure really. We woke up and both decided we wanted to smell very nice that day and so i went and tentatively approached the shower. I didn't know how to make it work. There was a strange scary looking white box, covered in buttons and knobs, which was the apparent control center of the hygiene facility. Now becuase i have a horrid fear of pressing a button and blowing up a house (wouldn't that be awesome!?) I decided that rather than start pressing buttons i should just ask if Eero knew how to work it. He didn't, so one of our billet people walked out of their room to see two 17 year old guys standing together in the bathroom, staring at a white box on the wall, making confused gestures and speaking quite annoyedly in Estonian. Now of course he thought this was quite funny so came and told me and Eero to just press the biggest button (DUH!) so Eero went back to the room and i grabbed my towel and pressed the button, and rather like a monkey with a new toy i found great joy in the working of this mysterious way of turning on a shower. Now the only problem was that a few minutes later i was feeling very clean and happy but the stupid button wouldn't work. I pressed it. Water kept coming. I pressed it again. Water kept coming. I saw no off switch and considered smashing the demonic box to see if the would shut off the water but remembered that Eero still needed a shower, so i just left the water running and ran into our room and told Eero to hurry and get in the shower because i didn't know how to turn off the water. So a few minutes later as i was wrestling with my tie Eero walked in with water dripping off his hair and informed me that he couldn't make the shower turn off either, so again like two monkeys we went back in and tried to make it turn off, and no matter how many times we pressed the button we couldn't make that thing turn off! So we ran to our host and he came and he turned it off for us. He found the entire situation quite comical, and we did too.
We all had a good laugh, then went downstairs and ate a yummy breakfast of bacon and eggs with the biggest bread Eero and I had ever seen! The butter was delicious too. I loved it. So we then drove back to Croyden (15 minutes late!) jumped into the mini-van (Major Tyrrell called it our Estonian Tank) and took off into London, to go see the international training college. Where
Then we were supposed to go to Booth house (some big ARC ["Adult Rehabilitation Center"]) but instead Major Tyrrell got a call from Commisioner Clifton, Wife of General Clifton, saying that she wanted us to be at IHQ (International Headquarters of the Salvation Army) in 20 minutes to sing. Now this wasn't part of the plan. We didn't know this was going to happen. But when Mrs. General says something...It's considered very polite to do it! So we jumped on the train and made it to IHQ just in time and got to be there for their International Women's Day of Prayer meeting, which was quite interesting, with a focus on paraguay. Then after a bunch of fun singing songs and all that our group got to get up to sing. In front of all the international leaders of the Salvation Army! It was quite scary. We did two songs, "O Happy Day" which is our least favorite song, and "I Woke Up This Morning" which was made especially interesting by the fact that Major Tyrrell decided, without telling us of course, that he wanted to change it. So we gave it a grand finale that it had never had before, which sounded quite good despite the fact that we hadn't practiced it and didn't know it was coming. It was all quite fun. I especially liked having the Francises coming up to me and saying "I remember when you were in diapers!" which i get far too often when i'm taveling around and visiting Salvation Army places. Anyway, that was fun.
So after our whirlwind of old london we headed to Staines corps, hoping to make it in time to participate in their youth night and meet some beautiful British chicks. But we weren't able to because of course Major Tyrrell got lost. But we did get to have tea at the Staines corps, and because they put out trays of chocolate bars we all did the logical thing when traveling, we stuffed our pockets! So i still have British chocolate left ever. But we did eat most of it to keep us from fainting while traveling. Then we got to meet our billet people and then go home and go to sleep. I quite liked my billet family, they were an old Army family with a gourgeous grandaughter. More about her later though. And no, she had didn't have blond hair, and therefore wasn't the mysterious blond who covered my clothes with hair.
But I'm gonna take a break for now because this post is getting far too long. And because i said by reading to the end of this post you'd find out who covered my clothes in beautiful long blond hairs i will tell you. It was Evelin. But because i want there to be some suspense to make you read my next post about England i will not tell you how her hair got all over my clothes. And i'm sure you are horribly interested in why an 18 year old girl's hair was all over me. You want to know. Trust me. Or don't . Your choice. But for now i'm going to take a break and blog about something else because i'm tired of this. So i'll Cya in my next post!
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