Friday, September 19, 2008

Top secret communique from agent Clark encrypted to the readers of his blog.

That’s right. You knew it was true. All those times that I joked I was a secret agent I was serious! No joke. Why was I in Estonia? Undercover agent, top secret work. All that fun stuff. And now I shocked many by moving to America, and not only moving to America but moving to Houghton, which is 20 miles from the nearest sin for those of you who don’t know, and the nearest sin is in the middle of nowhere. So around here we have…trees. And that’s about it. So why would I be here? I’M A SECRET AGENT! It’s my mission! I’m here at Houghton doing a top secret, secret agent secret mission. It’s all very secret though. Besides walking around with sunglasses on and writing top secret communiqués, my mission is simple. And top secret. Okay, I’ll be seriousish for a minute. What am I really talking about? Did I mention I got a job? Well, I did! It was fun! All us freshmen were going to Letchworth park, which isn’t really the most exciting thing. At least not for me, because I’ve been there before. But it was exciting because when you spend half an hour stuck in a hot school bus with someone you’re bound to make friends. And I did. So I was happy about that. But what made me extremely happy was that on the bus somebody was advertising for the phonathon, trying to find people to work for them. It was perfect, because I’d been looking for a job for the last few days, so it was like a gift from God. Another gift from God was when they told me that to find out about the job I should E-mail Heather, who I actually knew from the TCK transition week. Heather just graduated, and her brother and sister, Stephen and Amy, are seniors at the academy, and all of them are TCKs from Slovakia! Yay! I love my fellow TCKs. And of all the TCKs, they’re some of the ones who I clicked with best, because since we’re both from Europe we actually have a lot in common, culturally and in what we’ve experienced.

So they’re some people I really enjoy. Though, since Heather has graduated (and since I’d feel kind of awkward hanging out with someone older than me) and Stephen and Amy are still in the academy, I don’t see much of them. But anyway, that was really cool. But I still wasn’t convinced that should be my job. The thing that finally convinced me was when I was looking through, “The Scoop”, the weekly online paper, and saw a wanted ad looking for 007s, and secret agents, and saying that this work was potentially dangerous, and some of their agents were missing in action and…it’s the MR6 Phonathon division of the Houghton Fund. It sounded so much more awesome, and now I knew I needed to sign up for the job. So I did. I E-mailed Heather and set up an on the phone interview, which I had to borrow my roommate’s phone for. The interview went well, though I was extremely nervous. But I got the job! I was so excited. And because I really want to prove to you that I’m a secret agent, here’s the message I received upon my acceptance in to the ranks of the MR6 division:

“Dear operative,

It is with greatest solemnity that the MR6 (Phonathon) Division of the Houghton Fund grants you top level security clearance. Furthermore, you have been selected by The Hill as a 007 Agent.
Pending your relocation to MR6 HQ, you will receive your personal operative name and mission. You report for duty on Wednesday, 3 September 2008 at 7pm. The location of this meeting will be transmitted separately at an undisclosed time.
Training will commence in the days thereafter.
Bon Courage,
~The Hill”

I knew I found the best job on campus. Next some of the more exciting stuff, the job training. Our first test: find the training! This was wicked fun. Rather than just telling us where to go we received an encrypted message. A riddle. The meeting was at 7, I started working on the riddle at 6. After walking through Paine Center and not finding it, I checked Luckey Building. There is where I found the hint to go to where I was SUPPOSED to have started, Chamberlain Center. Once I got there it was pretty easy to figure out, and I really enjoyed it. Though it was difficult, and it took me 45 minutes of walking around with my laptop out like some sort of secret agent…Oh yeah, I am a secret agent. But it was funny walking around with my laptop under my arm, trying to figure out this riddle. It turned out I wasn’t the first agent to leave early to leave time for mistakes, and so I got to spend some time meeting my fellow agents. That was fun. One nice surprise was that one of my fellow agents was a girl named Jenny, who turned out to be my friend Anya’s roommate! So that was cool, I love connections. And that was a cool one. I was also happy to see my friend Sarah, who’s from Kenya, was working with me too.

So as I’m sure you’ve guessed I’ve been having loads of fun with it. But let me explain my job, because I’m sure you’re all confused. I’m a secret agent? How is that possible? I’m a secret agent and just like in every spy movie I’m working with beautiful women? How is this not too good to be true? Well, I don’t know. It really is too good to be true. My job is an amazingly awesome job. We are the lucky few, we stand alone, invisible to all. No one knows what we do, we are the secret agents of the Houghton Fund. It is our job to call Alumni and friends of the college and ask for donations. It’s an excellent job. I got my first pledge last night! 5$! Very exciting. Though I really need to step it up a notch. I need to be able to compete with my fellow agents. And today I received my last piece of confirmation that this is my dream job. This morning I received an encoded message from The Hill with a question. I have been asked if I’d be willing to become a 007 Blogspotter, a dangerous job, but one that HQ thinks I might be good for. Really, who would think that I could write on a blog? Who’s crazy idea was that? I’m hoping my sarcasm is obvious. The idea of being able to do some writing really excites me. I have very little writing from my classes this semester, and every other kind of homework bores me, so I need the writing. I didn’t realize how much I really loved writing until I didn’t have time for it. That’s why I’m writing so much today. I’m just letting it out. I need this. So I’m extremely excited, pretty soon you will be able to read my writings on the Houghton Fund Phonathon blog as well. That will be a treat. But until then, I must go. I have writing to do for my one class that actually involves writing, Initiatives, a PE class! Oh the irony. Why can’t I just write?

This is agent Clark signing off, this message will self-destruct in 10 seconds, taking your computer with it. Have a nice day!


Gatz said...

Chris, ionstead of bloging one time could u atleast email all ur friends in estonia or uv forgotten about us allready?

Matt said...

20 miles from the nearest sin sounds interesting. Right now I'm a couple of feet from the nearest sin. I'll leave it to your imagination to guess which one ^_^

Anonymous said...

Make a group email and a blog post dedicated to all off your Estonian ffriends if you really haven't fforgotten us!!?!?!!