I feel completely stupid now and have realized I will never understand women (by the way, I am not calling women slugs and I am not sexist) and will always end up looking like a bumbling idiot because of it. I went out to the library with my two friends Anneli and Elis, and as we walked I discussed my last blog post with them. I had thought that since the two of them are some of the strongest personalities I know they’d say “Of course we’d just say what we feel rather than playing stupid hint-dropping mind games” but I was quite surprised when both of them agreed that no, confusing hint games are the proper thing for a girl to do when smitten with a guy. And not only that, but the guy should return her hints with some hints of his own. I was thinking along the lines of walking up to the girl that’s smitten with you and if you like her too walking up to, clearing your throat and saying “Uh-hem, (HINT HINT) I think you’re very nice (HINT HINT) And I like you a lot (HINT HINT)” and punctuating every “HINT HINT” by elbowing her lovingly in the ribs. If it’s possible to elbow in the ribs lovingly. And if you don’t like her walking up to her and clearing your throat before saying “Uh-hem, (HINT HINT) you look horrible in that dress (HINT HINT) and I think you’re a horrible person (HINT HINT) and I don’t like you so get a (HINT HINT) and BACK OFF!” punctuating all the “hints” with rather less loving elbows in the ribs. Now before I get lynched let me just say I was only joking. The only time I’d ever be that mean is…well, I don’t think I’d ever need to be that mean. Just like violence is never the answer, being a jerk never helps anything. Unless you’re trying to win “Jerk of the Year” award, where it helps greatly. So back to hinting games, Anneli reassured me that I hadn’t even begun to figure women out and I still have much to learn. And so now that I realize that a face future full of women who act in ways that my low intellect cannot fathom I simply give up trying to understand and hope for the best.
The whole idea that I need to be constantly alert for hints is disconcerting though. When discussing this with Anneli our conversation went something like this…
CC (Chris Clark): But what if the guy doesn’t return the hints?
AA (Anneli Aavik): Then he obviously doesn’t like you.
CC: And what if he doesn’t get the hints? What if he doesn’t know you’re hinting at him?
AA: Then he wasn’t paying enough attention to you and didn’t like you.
CC: But what if he’s just really thick? Or really stupid?
AA: Then that’s his problem.
GIRLS WILL ALWAYS CONFUSE ME! How is it the guy’s problem? If someone tries to send a messenger and the messenger isn’t received because it was sent inadequately who’s at fault? The person who didn’t receive the message? If a blind man receives a letter is it his fault he can’t read it? There are huge flaws in both my analogies of course. Again proving that girls are always right. Girls messages are never sent inadequately and at least the blind man knew he got a message, he just didn’t know what it said. Ahh, life. I will grumble and complain about my lack of understand until the day I die. And you will read about until the day you get sick of it. But anyway, I’m done blogging now. Now the world has been fairly warned. If for some reason I act culturally inappropriately or I break your heart without even noticing or knowing please forgive me. I’m thicker than a wall and this whole thing confuses me. I’ll try to blog about something less confusing next time. Cya!
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