Back from Riga...THANK GOD!!

Well since I haven’t been blogging much lately you obviously don’t know that I spent last night in Riga. But now you know. I spent last night in Riga. What you still don’t know is the all important “WHY?” Why is because since my uncle is Russian he has trouble traveling into and out of Estonia because so many nice Russians decided to come across the border and riot over a hunk of bronze and a pile of decayed corpses. And since Russians and Estonians already don’t consider each other best buddies…It just makes things hard. So instead, thanks to the new “Shengan” (is that how it’s spelled?) EU open borders thing, it is much easier to drive across to Latvia and fly from Riga. So to say farewell to my Aunt, Uncle and cousin we drove them to Riga, capital of Latvia. Then they left at 4 in the morning while I slept peacefully. And then we left and after hours in the car, doing the same mind numbing trip we’d done the day before, we arrived back home in Tallinn. And now I’m blogging. That, as you may have guessed, is the short version of a long story. But since the long story is relatively boring and I’m really tired I’m only going to tell you some of my more interesting thoughts during the journey. To stretch our legs and give us a break from the monotony of car travel we stopped at a mall in Latvia to have lunch and just look around. Now of course as anyone who knows me could tell you I HATE shopping. So this was torture for me. But I had lunch to look forward to so I just kept the thought of a full stomach foremost in my mind to give me the endurance to keep my sanity. So finally when it came time for lunch I was quite happy to pick out a nice looking pizza place to have lunch. Of course I ordered a nice “Quattro Formaggi” pizza, which wasn’t at all as good as the ones from Taverna in Tartu (best pizza in the world, and I should know, I’ve eaten pizza on two continents and even had Italian pizza without being too impressed) and while I ate I noticed the only negative about this restaurant. They had big TV hanging from the ceiling that was on some MTV-ish channel showing all sorts of music videos. You know the type. 4 girls wearing as little clothing as physically possible looking sickeningly aroused by the guy with the 5 million karat gold dollar sign hanging around his neck who’s rapping his head off about sex, drugs and shooting cops. That’s why I don’t watch music videos much anymore. But then I realized something. All those “girls wearing less than bikinis” (“ice ice baby, too cold, too cold”) and looking aroused did not start looking aroused until that big bass “THUMP THUMP THUMP” started. So I came to a conclusion. Thumping bass+chick=aroused female. Therefore, according to MTV a thumping bass causes feminine sexual arousal. Which probably explains why gangsta wannabes feel the need to turn up the bass and blast it real loud into the ears of all they pass by, especially young children, who’s ears are permanently damaged. Maybe they’re compensating for something…but now for the first time in my life I understand noise pollution. Another little phenomenon this might explain is the love for clubbing that some of my female friends have acquired. For a guy the reasons for clubbing are obvious. Even more so now. What kind of music do clubs play? Music with a thumping bass! So guys do the same math I did, thumping bass+bored chicks dancing=easy and cheap sexual exploitation. But because of that I’ve never understood why a girl would be at the club in the first place. Well, probably because dancing to that big bassy sound brings them such…pleasure.

So now that I’ve thoroughly offended all readers, females and club goers especially, I have one final offensive thing to say. Now that I have done the math and come to this conclusion there remains but one thing to be done. In the name of science I must experiment! I need to get big speakers, turn up the bass and see what kind of reactions I get. I could see this getting quite interesting…anyway, I hope I didn’t really offend anyone much. I just wanted to mock MTV and poke fun at some of my friends (who I hope don’t read this) all in one post. Though I will still be on a search for thumping bass music for my experiments. Let me know if you have any suggestions. ;-) but now I must go, Cya!

P.S. Maybe I should get to work on my post for tomorrow (hint hint). My special post (wink wink). Because tomorrow is a special international holiday recognized on at least 3 continents (nudge nudge). What holiday you ask? Well let me see, I’m 17 today, but I’ll be 18 tomorrow so…(hint wink nudge) guess!