Saturday, February 23, 2008

On a dark and rainy night the battle lines were drawn in a tram stop…

I’m sorry to say you won’t be getting much of my cheerful joking or fun word play in this post. This is probably one the most serious posts I’ve ever written. Why? Right now I’m angry. I’m fresh from the fray. Allow me to explain. As you know, I just got back from the Methodist church. Despite my high hopes today was pretty normal, except for one thing. I was constantly taking a stand. At least 2 times tonight I had to argue my point. And 2 times I stood at a stalemate with my opponent. The stalemate was simple and all too common and extraordinarily irritating. “You’re right, but I don’t care. It’s my life.” I hate that excuse. You were bought at a price, (1 Cor. 6:20) it’s not your life. I used the same argument roughly 2 years ago. I was struggling with monumental temptation, but I had everything I needed to win. My parents said, “Run from this sin” my bible said, “Run from this sin” my God, my Jesus, my Lord, my Savior said “Run from this sin, I will hold you in the palm of my hand and give you strength in this battle.” But to all of these things I said, “You’re right, but I don’t care. It’s my life.” And now I live with deep spiritual, mental, and emotional scars. Scars that ache, that yank at my heart. And The Accuser stands and says “SINNER!” but the Lord forgives me. I was bought at a price. So now I care. It’s his life.

My first battle was relatively small, and was over quickly. I won’t name any names in this post, though many of you may be able to put in names yourself. I had to match wits with a guy who slapped the butt of one of my close female friends. I quickly descended on him with holy wrath and gave him a double barrel of righteousness. He quickly surrendered, with the stalemate cry of, “You’re right, but I don’t care. It’s my life. It feels good, so I do it. Who cares about the future? Who cares about respecting women?” The best part though was that as his parting shot he called me a wuss for not taking more advantage of having such beautiful female friends that I am constantly with. But, as I made sure the he, the single guy who has 0 friends who are girls, knew I only am able to have close female friends because I know to keep my hands to myself. And that respect is extremely important. Of course he stuck to his, “It feels good. It’s my life. You do what you want and I’ll do what I want.” This battle didn’t shake me much. I was jumping to the defense of one of my, “big sisters” and I had kind of seen this coming. But the next battle shook me up. It got me right to the core. And I still feel drained.

The next battle was with my 3 good friends. Not against them. With them. We’re on the same side in the fight for truth and righteousness. Some might say it wasn’t a battle. Some would call it a “debate”. I’m sure all 3 of my friends will think I’m even more psycho when they read this. But I felt the heat. I was at war. We got into discussing boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, an area I feel EXTREMELY strongly about. Those scars I was talking about earlier? No guy could ever so much as give me an emotional bruise, but a girl can slice my heart open. So I presented my position. My arguments of purity, of saving yourself, not just sexually, for the person you plan to give your life to. I shot down every argument. I was on fire. I don’t know where it came from. Well, to be honest, actually I do. Thank you God. But again, despite everything I said. Despite all my convincing arguments. The final cry was, “You’re right, but I don’t care. It’s my life. It feels good. It’s fun. Who cares about the future? Who cares about my future spouse? I guess I just won’t get married then.” My heart tore.

Tonight’s theme was friendship. And I feel that, as we talked about tonight, I did my duty as a true friend. My friends may not care about their futures. But I do. If that makes me a crazy outcast, so be it. I’m leaving soon anyway. Better to leave knowing I did all I can, than leave knowing that everyone likes me, but they’re headed for rough waters because I didn’t offer my view for fear of rejection. But, because I want to be like Jesus, I guess that being rejected is a good thing. And though I know that none of them wanted to listen. And though I know they were all against me. And though I know it may put a strain on our friendship for a little bit (though I sincerely hope not). I am glad I did this. Maybe someday my words will come back to them, floating from some far off place deep in their minds. And though I may never know, I sincerely hope I did more for my friends than irritate them.

Anyway, I don’t know what happens now. I usually agree with people most of the time. It’s not often I have to take a stand. And these are my best friends. I hope I didn’t lose some of my greatest treasures tonight. I hope they understand (and I know at least one of you will read this, so I say it directly to you) my motives and reasons. I really do care about my friends. And I really don’t want them to do stupid things if I can save them. Though it might seem like I’m a psycho trying to push his beliefs of purity, (Eph. 5:3) and sanctification, (1 Thes. 4:3) I do it because I care. Now if that doesn’t sound stupidly cliché then nothing will. But I do care. In war, if a soldier doesn’t watch the back of his fellow soldiers, then they’re all dead. And I know we can be victorious if we stand together. But now it’s nearly 12:30, and this warrior is tired. Please pray for me, and especially for my friends. Thank you,



lux said...

it was good to read your blog today. I'm proud of you making a stand... i know it is not always easy.
You are a warrior for Christ,Continue to fight with love and without fear. Continue to trust and listen to Jesus for the words you need, and the actions.
You are a good friend, someone who stands up for the people around you, and not satisified with the status quo.
Love you mate,
love to hang out with you and fight along your side again... may be it will happen some time.
Abundant blessings.

Kapten Clark said...

PS 84:10 Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
PS 84:11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.
PS 84:12 O LORD Almighty,
blessed is the man who trusts in you.
One day in the courts of my God
is worth more than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be at the doorstep of the house of my God
than live in the dwellings of sinners.
For the Lord my God is my sun and my shield.
The Lord gives grace and glory.
He will not deny his good things
to those who walk in purity.
Blessed is he who trusts in you,
O Lord of hosts.