Friday, February 02, 2007

When i grow up....


I hate thinking about what i'm going to be "when i grow up". Now that i'm 17 and thinking about college i feel like i should know. And i have come to two conclusions, which may not be possible, but are the only two options that i like. I would either: A. like to become a genetically enhanced cyborg and fight for Earth in space (As pictured left). Or B. i would like to go back in time and go to Japan and learn Ninjitsu and become a Ninja and spend my life fighting evil (As pictured right). Now as you may have noticed neither of these are actually realistic options. But they both sound pretty cool, right? Anyway, because neither of my first choices are actually possible i think i might have to think about something in my own time period and on Earth. So i have narrowed it down to three options, none of which are perfect, but then again, what in life is? I have been seriously considering moving to America, maybe living with relatives, maybe working for the Salvation Army somewhere, maybe, maybe, maybe. But then i'm going to be so far away from my almost 3 year old brother and 11 year old sister, and my parents too. And plus i'd be leaving Estonia. And i LOVE Estonia! I have so many cool friends here! But there'd always be new friends in America...I don't know. I'm seriously torn about this. Because i'm actually not a huge fan of my so-called "Home land". It's never been home to me. But i could get a job there, and save up for college or whatever.

Another option i've thought of is just going to back to Vancouver for War College (www.thewarcollege.com) because i loved Battle School and i personally feel that i matured and grew up a lot there. But the only problem is that it costs 6000$ Canadian. But i think i might be able to make a tragic plea to the Salvation Army and all of you and everybody else i know and say "I'm a poor missionary's kid with no money who has given heart and soul, mind and body working myself half to death in a foreign country. Please support me as i go to Vancouver to serve God." and i think i might just make it. I mean if everybody i knew gave...100 dollars. That's a lot. Hmmm. I'll have to think about this. And once again the problem with this is that i'd be leaving Estonia and all my family. And i was able to leave for about two months last year, but then when i came back all hell broke loose (mostly my fault, but still...) but a whole year...so long. so many options, so many problems.

Then my final options is this:stay home. I'm only 17, i could stay home for a year, bone up on my weak points (Math) and enjoy life with my family. The only problem is that i know that, just like i have for the last few years, i will not do my shool work, will put off the hard stuff, and just waste time. Something needs to change. But i love Estonia and don't want to leave. In the last year i lost the reason why i thought i'd marry an Estonian and live in Estonia forever, and no new reasons have appeared so i don't see myself staying here forever, though. And my language skills have been detoriating. And i can't get a job here, i mean who wants to hire a kid who seaks almost only english. I speak some Estonian, but not enough to do any job. So i can't make and save money here. But i'm just terrified of change. I want everything to stay the same. I've read about happening to kids who have moved a lot. I've never lived in one place for more than three years, and i so i'm sick of the constant change of surroundings. But things will always have to change sometime. It's all just so scary. Anyway, i've always loed feedback here on my blog so i'd like to ask everyone to E-mail me (chrisjohnclark@juno.com) or comment and tell me what you think. I like hearing what other people think. Especially because i know almost everybody who reads my blog is smarter than me. So i'd value your input. I really don't know what to do. I'm practically paralyzed by fear. And that's not a good state to be in. So anyway, i'm gonna go take a shower now, because i reek. Cya!

10 comments:

Kapten Clark said...

As Pope John Paul II used to say:
"BE NOT AFRAID!"

Ingel said...

Tere Chris,

I read your interesting story about your life and the future. That is cool that you love Estonia so much. Mhm, maybe if you really want to stay in Estonia and also go to college then it could be possible to study some stuff in English, too (you can look it up from different uni's webpages).

Then again all people move and move on with their life when it's time to go to uni....!

Well, I wish you good luck with studyings and finding the right thing to do ;).


have a great weekend


Erica

A little story for you by Matthew 21:

The Fig Tree Withers
18Early in the morning, as he was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. 19Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately the tree withered.
20When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. "How did the fig tree wither so quickly?" they asked.

21Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. 22If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

reet said...

Q: Who wants to hire a kid - ok, you´ll probably need to wait ca 3 more years - who speaks almost only English?
A: In rural areas, you´ll get a job teaching English. And a flat. No problem at all. Of course, the salary is not much, but English teachers are a rarity these days in Estonia, especially "in the middle of nowhere".

Btw, we have a really good university in Tartu, in case you haven´t noticed... :)

The Meg said...

I personally stayed home instead of leaving. get a job, save your money, and beef up your brain. weigh all your options and determine which plan will help you in getting to your life goal. and if you don't have a goal, get one, or at least a round-about idea.

once you have an idea of what you are going to do, then do whatever it takes to achieve that goal. no one is forcing you out of the house. [not yet, anyway] you have a purpose, so just pray and ask God to help you make this decision. He'll show you exactly what you need to do with your life. and you should know that we should never do anything outside of God's Will.

when I was 17, I didn't have the faintest clue what I wanted to do. here, almost 3 years later, i'm in college and on my way to fulfilling all my hopes and dreams for the future.

just be paitient, and you will know what to do. don't stress yourself out about this, but just be determined. just like Halo, know your goals and do whatever it takes to get there.

meg

Anonymous said...

What about working at the american embassy, or any of the English speaking...places? The International school? Other places like this Chris. If you would like to stay home and work to save money, there are options. The problem is, the amount you would save would not be as much as here in the States. On the other hand, the cost of most things are not as much in Estonia. Where do you want to go to school? I will be praying for you as you seek God's direction. He will let you know what He want, where He wants you to be.

Lux said...

Chris,

You are awesome, i haven't replied to this blog, until now cause i am not in Aus at the moment and didn't have internet access. I am sure that God will fully guide you to where He wants you to be, whether that be War College, (to eqquip you for some sort of ministry there or any where) or uni or staying there,
Seek Christ, His plans are perfect for you.

Love ya
God bless
BBS

Lux said...

oh, by the way i noticed that you haven't blogged for a while.
i miss reading them.

BBS

Matt said...

Study a lot and start building a resume so that you can get into a good college and party... um, I mean study for 4 years and get a good job. And then once I'm an amazingly sucessful game designer, you can come work for me. :P

Anonymous said...

To comment on anonymous's ideas:
yes, you could get a job at the US Embassy as a secret agent/spy/007 * I'm sure!! :)

Mitchenstein said...

hey chris!

my name's john and i'm a british salvo who checks in on your blog from time to time (i've been to estonia, so it's always cool to hear what's going on) - so i thought i'd just say hi!

as for stressing about the future - mate, i'm 23 and still unsure of the next step, so no worries! just take your time and don't stress!

take care,

john