Party at the...Convent? (Plus the story of "Pig Simon")

Party at the Convent? "Chris has definitely lost it this time" you must be thinking. You don't party at convents...do you? I don't know about you, but i do! Well only today at least. The Pirita cloister had a big fair type thing today, and all free (unless you count the extrordinarily HUGE prices for everything you could buy). It was all very exciting. I enjoyed seeing all the people dressed in medieval dress, which is always exciting for me, because if it was up to me i would always be dressed like that evil guy who walks around in cool black leather. But i don't have cool leather. And i've always said that the people who look best in leather are cows. But anyway, forget leather for a second, this thing was very exciting. The tables were they were selling things for exploitive prices where stuck between the 600+ year old convent, and it's modern neighbor, the current convent. Now as i walked around, and looked at the prices, and saw a sign saying "Shop here! Here you can pay with a card!" i started thinking about something. Here we are stuck between 2 convent/cloister things. What would Jesus do here? Then i remember. I remembered 3 things. I know what Jesus would do here. Matthew 21:12, Mark 11:15, and John 2:14 all tell me what Jesus would do here. My personal favorite telling of one of my favorite Bible stories is in John 2:14

'14 In the temple courts he found men selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. 15 So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. 16 To those who sold doves he said, "Get these out of here! How dare you turn my Father's house into a market!" 2:17 His disciples remembered that it is written: "Zeal for your house will consume me."'

Doesn't that just shatter that idea of Jesus just sitting around all day kissing babies and loving anybody who got too close? I love it. My God is an unpredicable God who stands up for what's right! Heck yeah! So as i stood there, realizing that to buy crap hotdogs, crap fries, and some drinks just for my mom, siblings and I would cost us 210 Krooni i thought Jesus had the right idea. And i must admit i contemplated flipping over the tables of the people selling here, but then i realized something, I don't serve God at all by getting myself arrested! So i didn't. I gritted my teeth as i payed the huge money for crap food. And i endured paying 15 Krooni for 5 Krooni ice cream. And i'm glad. Because i did enjoy myself at least a little. But i still felt a little quesy about not only the selling, but the complete exploitation of the tourists who had stumbled into this wallet burning trap. But whatver.

The story of Pig Simon

Anyway, the Thing i really enjoyed about was the story. Or to be more exact, the fairy tale. About Pig Simon. Or something like that. It was a wonderful story, that made me feel great. I loved it. And because i loved it, i will write it down here, because i did a google search and can't find any copy of this story in any language. And i just heard it today and therefore can record it while the memory is fresh. Now, i realize this is just the romantic in me, or why else would i like it? So don't go expecting heartwarming stories from my blog from now on, or else you'll be sorely dissapointed. Anyway, our story starts with a husband and wife, and if i can remember correctly their names where Herman and Silja (pronounced "Silya"). These two people loved each other very much, but apparently had been unsuccessful in having a child. And if that weren't sad enough the towns people mocked them for it. And poor silja couldn't bear the shame. So one day as she was lamenting the fact of being childless and mocked a boy ran up and said he had a gift for her. It was a small bundle, wrapped in clothes! Could it be a baby? As the boy thrust the bundle into her arms and ran of sniggering she realized it was just a pig, and cried out (i think to God) "Why, i can't have a child, i will raise this pig to be my son!" And then a booming voice (God?) replied "You shall raise this pig-child to be your son!" A little redundent perhaps, but i remember correctly, that was how it happened. So skip ahead several years. Simon, a young boy with the face of a pig says good-bye to his mother, Silja. "Don't worry mother! I'll be fine! Stop worrying!" He says before shooting off to find his friends, "I won't worry!" his mother shouts after him "I'll try not to, anyway". Simon runs up to his friend's house and starts yelling for his friend to come out "Peter! Peter! Come out and play!" just then one of his friends and her mother walks past. "Come play!" Says Simon "Come play with me!" As the girl starts to run over to Simon her mother grabs her. "What?" says the girl, "I want go play with Simon!" "Have you seen his face?" Says her mother, "He looks like a pig! You are not to play with that boy. You can only play with good, normal children!"

As the girls gets dragged off by her mother Simon raises his piggy face to his friend Peter's house again and resumes yelling "Peter! Come out! I'm waiting for you!" then Peter's mother comes to the window, "What do you want, you pig!" "I want to Peter to come out and play!" said Simon "Well, he can't! Not today! Not tommorow! Not the day after! Never!" "Why?" Asked Simon, feeling rather concerned "Is he sick?" "Sick?" cackled the woman, "Sick?! No! I just don't want him to play with you. Have you looked in a mirror? You're the one who's sick!" and then she pulls her head back in the window, dropping her necklace as she she goes. Simon runs over and picks the necklace up. "Oh no!" he cries, "Peter's mother will be very upset she lost this! Oh no, how will i give it back? She doesn't like me, she won't want to see me, what should i do..." Just then Peter's mother comes out, searching for her necklace. Simon runs up to her and hands her her necklace. "Thank you!" she cries, running up and kissing him right on his snouty nose. "It's a good thing you came out!" Said Simon, "I wasn't sure what to do, i was scared to bring it to you and..." "What!? You wanted to steal it, didn't you, pig boy!" She said, quickly moving away from him. "Not only are you a pig freak, but you're also a thief!" "No! No!" Cries Simon as she runs back inside mumbling rude things about pig thieves. Very upset Simon wander off home, leans against a wall and falls asleep. Then a fairy, or a benevolent spirit of some sort comes and feels his distress. Then she's says a spell/poem type thing over him as he sleeps, saying "When you find a woman who loves you for who you are you will be free from your pig face"

A few minutes later his mother comes out and wakes him. "I had the most wonderful dream mother!" he exclaims "Yes, yes, very nice" replies Silja "What were you doing sleeping outside?" "It was wonderful!" Said simon, "She said something, like a poem, and it was a bunch of wierd stuff, and she said i'd be free of my pig face!" "Oh, come inside" Said Silja "It's time for dinner." "But you don't get it, she said i'd be free of my pig face! She said..." and then they walk in together. Jump ahead some years. Simon is now a strapping 20 year old man-pig-thing. And the young girl who wanted to play with him as a child is now sitting and talking with her friend, saying horrible things about poor Simon. "My mother says that the wife of the butcher told the duaghter of the woodman who told the wife of the chemist who told the wife of the blacksmith who told my mother that she actually saw Simon's real father once!" "Real father?" asked Simon's would-be friend "But Herman is his father, isn't he?" "Of course not!" Replied her friend, "Does Herman look like a pig? No! But i heard this man looks just like a pig! And i heard Simon is a really horrible person, i heard he steals, and does horrible things!" "Really?" Asks the girl, "Are you sure? I mean, maybe he's not so bad! I mean maybe i heard once from my...brother that Simon is really polite and...and things..." She trails off under her friend's withering gaze.

Now back to Simon. Walking he sees the 2 beautiful young ladies, and being very much a man, despite his odd looks, he walks up to them and in a very gentlemanly fashion and asks them for to walk with him. The friend looks at Simon in disgust, and the girl quickly follows her example. "Come on," Says Simon "Let's walk! It'll be fun! Let me show you what i found over there." "No way you pig freak! We'd never go with you!" says the friend "Don't you know that it's not what's outside, and how you look, but inside, and who you are that really counts?" Said Simon, "Come on," He say to the girl "You used to want to be my friend." He reaches out and touches her hand to try to urge her to come. Her and her friend instantly jump up, very insulted. "How dare you touch us! You pig freak! Back off! Don't touch us!" They jump on him and start hitting him, chasing him around and fnally beating him to the ground. Just then the butcher walks past and sees what they're doing. "Stop it!" He yells "Stop beating that pig! I can cut that up for supper tonight! Stop...Ho, hello Simon" He says as the girls move, letting him see who it is. "Umm, girls. We need to go now. Come now. Lets go." He and the two girls hurry off, leaving Simon alone. "Wouldn't it be wonderful if people really did care about who i am inside and not only about my face. It's not my fault i look like this, but i'm a very nice person if you forget that." He then goes home.

A few days later when out walking he sees a group of people standing together and laughing. He walk over and Villu, the most popular guy in town, with a girl on his arm turns to Simon and says "Simon, Just the pig we wanted to see!" This produces snorts of laughter from the crowd. "Have you heard our new town law, Simon? It's special about pigs!" Asks Villu mockingly, "Page 21, paragraph 19 of our town charter says 'Any animal or pet, especially pigs, who wanders the street and hurts anyone, it's owner will have to pay a large fine! And if they do it again later, then they are given to the butcher!" They crowd laughs uproariously and Simon makes a simple reply, "Well then i guess it's very good i never hurt anyone." "Oh no?" Queries Villu, "I was under the impression that all animals are dangerous. And someone told me you are especially dangerous! Stand back everyone!" He yells mockingly, "Dangerous animal on the loose!" and the whole laughing crowd walks off to a party. Simon walks a little bit away and asks himself a question, "Why is it that whenever everybody else is happy, they want me to cry? I don't understand. Will i ever meet somebody who will love me for who i am?" As he stands deep in his thoughts he sees a young lady stumbling along. "Hello, who are you?" He asks. "I am a musician." She answered, "I play tambourine and i heard there was a party near by that needed music." "Yes," Said Simon "There is a party. Right over there." He points in the direction the crowd went. "I'm sorry," Says the musician, "I'm blind. Could you lead me there?" "Of course." Replies Simon, taking her hand. As he leads her a few steps he starts to think. "She is blind! She doesn't know i look like a pig!" As he thinks he lets go of her hand, and she wanders of slightly. "Where are you!" she calls, "Have you left? Where are you!"

As he runs back to grab her hand again she accidentally reaches up and touches his face. "You're so beautiful!" she exclaims. "Do you think so?" Asks Simon, "Would you dance with me?" "Oh, i would love to." Says the girl, "But i dont know how." "Don't worry," said Simon "I'll teach" Then they dance together and as they dance the fairy/spirit thing appears above them, and a minute later the Simon's face changes from a pig-like face to a hadsome face and the musician girl suddenly cries "I can see! I can see!" "Look at me!" Say Simon, "Do i look ugly? Do i look like a pig?" "No," She replies "you look beautiful!" and then the two of them go off together and get married, and live happily after. This is the story of Pig Simon as told by me, as best i could remember it. It was quite good acted out. I liked it a lot. I don't know what you thought of it. And i'm not sure i told it especially well. But i hope you liked this very long blog post!