How do I survive?

Jet lag is torture. Torture with torture on top and with a side order of torture. It’s really bad. Really, really bad. And I hate it. I did quite well with jet lag when I was going to America. It just felt like I was staying up really late, which is something I excel at because I like mimicking Dracula. But now that I’m in Estonia I have the opposite form of jet lag. I feel like I’m forcing myself to wake up 7 hours before I’d normally like to. Therefore I also am going to bed 7 hours to early. Going to bed in Estonia at 11 pm is 4 pm my American time. And I’ve never been much of an afternoon napper. So now it’s been almost a week and I’m still being tortured by jet lag. I can’t sleep at night. I just lie in bed, cursing jets and all their lag. And when I finally do fall asleep (usually a few hours after midnight) I don’t sleep long, because my body says to itself “I’m sleeping, but I’m pretty sure I should be up doing things instead, because it feels like that time of day.” So it drags my tortured soul back to consciousness and I lie awake at 5 am (Estonia time) wondering “why me?” this his been going on ever since I got back. I’ve tried all sorts of different things to try to help. I downloaded a bunch of stuff from NPR to listen to on my MP3 player, because I had thought that of course anything from NPR could put anything to sleep. But I was wrong, it’s all too interesting. Who’s this Ahkmadinigad guy they keep saying is hot anyway? President of where? But anyway now I sit here very tired, and rather cold too. I had been warm an hour ago, but thanks to my parents who seem to think warmth and comfort are deadly sins 8 and 9 I am now wide awake, with a slight sleep deprivation headache, and an overpowering desire to grab a sledgehammer and put myself back to sleep. It’s not nice.

Anyway, as I already said Christmas is coming, the goose bla bla you know the rest. On Saturday we decorated the corps. And as always with doing things that are meant to be fun and festive it was about a million time more work than (I believe) it was worth. When people turn my Christmas into work that’s a bad thing. Jesus didn’t work on Christmas, he was too busy letting all the donkeys and things sing “Away in a manger” at him. And now yesterday we decorated our apartment, which was also much more stressful than it needed to be (stick 5 jet lagged people together and try to get them to work together and the results usually aren’t happy) so I’m glad that over. I just wish Santa would hurry up because I want some more junk. I was a bad boy last year but go good stuff, now I’ve been a good boy this year so…I’ll get even better stuff? We’ll see. Whatever happens I’ll be happy because my Aunt Mary Kay, Uncle Sasha and little baby cousin Sashenka are all coming for Christmas, and I can’t think of any present I’d like more than that. Maybe my very own personal space ship with lasers and missiles and big guns and written on the side in dripping blood red paint the motto “We come in peace!” But I doubt I’ll get one so I’ll just settle with what I can get. It’s funny thought, I really did see once in a Toy R Us this giant mech toy with giant guns, and an impressive array of missiles, and little army guys with knives and weapons of math instruction…erm, MASS DESTRUCTION. And in big bold red letters a sticker on the mech said “Our mission is peace” my mission is peace too, and if you don’t believe me then you’re gonna eat lead. And it tastes horrible so you better believe me.

So yesterday I watched Star Wars Episode II:Attack of the Clones (which when I first heard the name before it came out I assumed meant that Obi-Wan, Anakin, Yoda and all the other good guys had been cloned, and just like in that weird Pokemon movie they’d have to fight and kill their own clones. I’m still not sure whether or not I’m disappointed by the truth.) and, as always, it made me think. What is it that made Anakin fall to the dark side? His pride? His anger at losing his mother? His love of, and fear for, Padme? His good intentions gone wrong? I’m sure there are many other ideas people have, and I know the paths to the dark side are wide and varied. So it could be any, or all, of those. But it seems what really pushed him to the edge is Padme. His forbidden love destroyed him. This is a scenario I’m not unfamiliar with. I have come to the conclusion (that same one I’ve been coming to for roughly 1 year, 1 month) that women are the absolute most dangerous things (don’t like me calling women things? Neither do I, nouns, people, places, things, take your pick) ever to have ever existed, and ever to exist. Now that’s not quite true. But I’d still much rather face a puff adder than an angry girlfriend. A puff adder will forgive you. So anyway, I think I kind of lost my original point there. Women=yang=evil. Got it. And I know it is probably pretty stupid to say all this because I’m pretty sure the majority of my readers are female (must be my animal magnetism) but whatever.

Girls have actually been on my mind a lot more than some might think they should be as I’ve been thinking about college. I know I have a small group of fans who is hoping that once I’m free of parental tyranny I’ll go crazy, have sex, do drugs, and write about it all here. Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you but it’s not in my plans. That was another thing that went into my college decision. A place where I wouldn’t be the only one not having sex and doing drugs. I’d have that nerd across the hall who nobody likes because he smells. And me and him would make a great team. I’m joking. But when visiting both colleges I eavesdropped on conversations (sorry if that seems creepy) and watched the way different people acted to get a better idea of who I’d be living with. And in the end there was a definite difference. So it has been on my mind. Not because I’m looking for a girlfriend, but because I don’t want to jump into the middle of a college society where mindless dating is essential. And I’m not. And also I’m hoping that I’m not walking into a group of girls all desperate for a boyfriend and as one of my good friends just said to me recently “Some guys have great looks but no personality. And you have great personality.” (I’m not sure whether or not that’s a compliment or an insult. Is it like “you’re ugly, but you’re nice”?) will all jump at a guy with a “great personality”? Because when it comes to comparing myself to other guys I’m not going to be very humble. I’m a pretty good guy, don’t smoke, don’t drink, single and celibate on purpose, polite, loving, respectful. I rock! But I don’t want to be swarmed because I’m the first good guy they’ve ever met. So I was looking for a college with a lot of other good guys. Because back to my Anakin thing, what does it take to bring down the most powerful Jedi, the one who would bring balance to the force? A beautiful woman. That’s all. So what could it take to bring me down…as I said, I’m single for a reason.
Anyway, that post is much longer than I’d planned. And I hadn’t planned to write that whole bit about girls, but what’s on my mind usually winds up on my blog so there it is. But now I must go do some laundry because I’ m a weirdo enjoys wearing clean clothes. Cya!