Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I am so cool!

I'm sorry, but humility has a time and a place, and i have decided now is neither the time or the place. I have now made myself as cool as i possibly can, not much is missing. I have a cool black goatee thingy. A cool almost black hoody. An awesome black messenger bag. A sexy black MP3 player. And plus i have the ruler of the universe on my side. What could be cooler than all that? All i need now is a girlfriend with black hair...not a hint Anneli, your hair is purple! I can't wait to go out today wearing my black fleeces, black hat, and black messenger bag while listening to my black MP3 player. I'm gonna look so cool! Anyway, besides being wicked cool i'm always feeling wicked sick. I have a cold. I was up all night last night coughing and sneezing. I hate it. It's DISGUSTING!! And now my nose is all red from blowing it so much. So not cool! I hope i get better soon because i just feel so nasty and lethargic. Ugh. Bla. And many other three letter words. Four letter words are offensive, so i use three letter ones. Such as ugh and bla and yam. I've always thought yam sounded very negative, but once again i'm going on about nothing. The other day i read a great quote, apparently someone named Jonathan Kozol once said "Pick battles big enough to matter, [but] small enough to win" Isn't that a cool quote? i like it.

Anyway, i've started a Bible reading plan so that by the time i turn 18 i will have read the whole Bible though. And as i've been reading i have found many very interesting things. And so i have decided to write on my blog about this and call these little places where i write about the wierd Biblical stuff "The Bible Reconsidered" simply for lack of a better name. I'm gonna start in the begining, or pretty close anyway. In Genesis 3 it talks about when Adam and Eve sinned. And i was thinking, you know it really sucks that we're punished for that. I mean Adam and Eve did it, and it was kind of all Eve's fault anyway. Darn women, always causing us dudes to sin. But then i thought about it some more and i realized something, you know why i'm punished along with Adam? Because if a nude chick who also just so happened to be my wife came up to me and said "Hey honey, want some fruit?" Then heck yeah i'd take it! In Adam's place i wouldn't be any different. Then later, in chapter 6, we find the popular story of Noah, every knows this one, but i found one interesting thiong this time i heard it. Or actually it was more what i didn't hear. Every time in sunday school or almost anywhere else where i've heard this story told who ever has told the story has made a big deal about how much Noah was made fun of by his neighbors. "You're building a boat? What are you, some kind of freak?" But never once in the Bible does it mention that Noah was mocked or anything like that. I guess it can be assumed but still, it's not in the Bible.

Then jump ten chapters to chapter 16 and we read about Abraham and Sarah (Then Abram and Sarai). This is just freaky, so Sarai can't have kids so she says "Hey Abram, you know i have this sexy Egyptian servant girl, i'm sure she could give you children. Why don't you sleep with me" What kind of a women says that to her husband? And then later when the now pregnant serving girl is being a jerk she blames it all on Abram! Is that fair? I don't think so. Now in the next chapter (17) God tells Abram that he will now be called Abraham, and he also mentions a little something about circumcision. Everyone in your household must be circumsised, family members, slaves, men, boys, babys, everyone! Didn't anyone complain. I mean when Abraham started walking around with a knife i would think someone would go running for cover. Wouldn't some say "Wait, wait, wait, you want to take a knife and do what to my what?! NO way man! That's gonna sting like heck!" If someone started saying they wanted to chop any part of me, especially THAT part, i'd be running for cover pretty fast. But apparently Abraham did it. Now later in chapter 19 vs. 30 it's talking about Lot and his daughters. This is sick. What kind of freak daughters get their Dad drunk so they can sleep with him? And what kind of Dad drags his daughters into a cave and makes them live there? I think this was one of the first seriously dysfunctional families. Then next chapter (20) is very funny because Abraham was worried about getting killed because the king wanted to take his wife, now this makes no sense, back in chapter 18 it already said that she was old. Why would a king want to steal some old dude's old wife? Maybe she was a really hot old lady. I don't know. I just think the whole thing is very funny.

Anyway, for now that's it. Later i'll probably write about Jacob and Esau. But for now i just have one parting the to say. People love to say "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" but that's not ture. God created Steve too, just later, and not to be Adam's husband. Anyway, until next time, Tsau!

1 comment:

Kapten Clark said...

No girlfriends till your 18! (Or was that 21??)

Kozol is one of my all-time favorite authors. Your quote is some pretty classic parenting advice. I'm surprising you don't recognize it, since it's how you've been raised the past 17 years!