Last night as i was lying in bed enjoying the FM radio feature on my MP3 player i was listening to one of the Estonian radio stations (Don't know which) when Hoobastank's "Crawling in the dark" came on. And of course since this is such a great song i sat back and just meditated on the words and soaked in the coolness. And they echoed some words that i've been saying a lot. What's the ending of my story? People say because i'm a Christian i already know the end of my story, but no, i know the epilogue. I want to know the end. I want to read the final page. The page where it says "So after this, this and this Chris died a happy death" I want to know what happens between now and heaven. And i know i'll find out, i just wish i could find out now!
"I will dedicate
And sacrifice my everything for just a second's worth
Of how my story's ending
And I wish I could know if the directions that I take
And all the choices that I make won't end up all for
nothing
Show me what it's for
Make me understand it
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer"
When you have a really exciting book and you can't wait to finish it do you skip to the last page? I know people who do, but i don't. I stay up at night reading it, i read it when i'm eating, i read it when i'm doing other thing, i never stop reading it! But this story goes to slow, it takes 24 hours just to finish one page! Or maybe it takes 60 seconds, i don't know what you'd consider a page. But why do you want to finish a really exciting book? Well for me i start to really care about the characters. And i start to wonder "What's going to hapen to so and so a character? After all they've come through..." and my problem is i care about the people in my story, and i'm scared of how each individual subplot will go. I've watched majorly heroic main characters in my story turn into arch enemies in just a matter of pages. And it scares me. I'm terrified of the future. I know it's in God's hands, but so were the lives of all the martyrs around the world. Being in God's hands isn't alays the most encouraging prospect. I wish my life was like my blog. Here i can write whatever i want. For all you know this could all be a lie. I could be insane and writing about my fantasy world. And i have...expanded on the truth at times. I just wish i could write my life story. "Chapter 17, page 6, Chris writes on his blog about wanting to see his story's end. Hmmm, maybe i should write chapter 55 now just to get a look at what's coming." It's really quite depressing, you can never let your guard down, you never know what's coming. Well thus is life, I think it's probably like a video game, it's more fun to just barely survive, dodging bullets at every turn, then to have everything be predicable and easy. Easy is usually boring, so i guess i should get back to writing my story. "chapter 17, page 6 Chris publishes blog post, stands up, and leaves..."
2 comments:
the future scary or exciting, it depends on which way you look at it, an yeah it is all in God's hands, and yeah it isn't always sun shine. However it can be an exciting run, when travelling along God's path, it can lead you to the most unusual places, places where you never even thought about going, (like me to vancouver and now new zealand).
For me it is exciting, cause i never know where God is going to lead me next. however sometimes i do just want to know what is next.
keep the blogs up, i love reading them.
BSS
Wow... thats deep. You've gotten quite eloquent and philosophical by writing this blog.
Wait a minute... you have arch-enemies?
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