Is this comic...ominous....?

Because it is most certainly unexplained. One thing is for sure though. My mom's kind of a creeper, especially with her corn bread recipes! :-)

On leaving…

For those of you who FaceBook stalk me and saw my status, you may have noticed that I’m not exactly happy to be leaving Houghton. I don’t look forward to breaks. I wish I could spend break in Houghton, living in my dorm, chilling with my friends. But that’s not really possible. Harry Potter and I have much in common, we both would rather live at school. I don’t really have a “home” anyplace on Earth. Nowhere really feels like “home” to me. In fact I never remember having a “home”. But at the moment I have given Houghton College, Rothenbuhler Hall, room 216, the name “home”. And it is home for me. It’s the closest I have. Estonia is home also, but at the moment Houghton is home. I’m tired of leaving “home”. Not only do I not have a home, but when I designate a place as “home” I end up leaving it, even if it is just for break. So I’m sad to be leaving Houghton. My ideal break would be all my friends staying here with me and us just having fun together. But I know that can’t be. But I’m still sad…

But I decided rather than getting sad, I’d get mad! I mean, glad! I mean, PUMPED!! So, I’ve pulled out my NightWish collection and am rocking out. NightWish is my traveling music, and so I’m laying on a little Wanderlust, getting myself to stop thinking about anything but the thrill and excitement of travel. What would I do without NightWish? Thank God I have them getting me so pumped for this so I can travel happily. I’ll enjoy this break. It’ll be a chance to do some writing. In fact, there’s a writing contest I’m excited to be writing for. Yay! Anyway, I must go to bed now. College is like jet lag, and so I need to get over it. Anyway, goodnight!

Grace

What is grace? This is something that has been on my mind a lot lately. Grace. It’s a beautiful thing. The other day my roommate, Derek, put on his FaceBook status that he was in love with Grace, which of course caused quite a stir as people assumed that Grace was some girl that he was intent on marrying. Derek was actually referring to GRACE, the Houghton library’s online catalog, which he’d been using quite a lot and was growing quite fond of. But at the moment I’m not talking about that GRACE or a girl (so much), I’m talking about grace. I couldn’t find any definitions I liked, so I’m making my own, and feel free to suggest anything that should be added to this definition. Grace is the giving of love, acceptance, and forgiveness to one who doesn’t deserve it. Grace is what God shows us. We have all sinned, and yet he still loves us, accepts us, and forgives us. Why would he do that? Why would God show us grace? Doesn’t that just blow your mind? But God is perfect, and God is love. So maybe that could explain why he shows us his wonderful grace, but humans? Us insignificant, selfish, sinful people, we are also capable of showing grace. And it’s simply astounding. God loves us and shows us his grace, and in it shows his power to love, accept, and forgive. But lately I’ve just been struck by how grace is shown even to me. God knows my sin. God knows my struggles. God knows what a pathetic and worthless human being I really am. I have rebelled against the ruler and creator of the universe time and time again, and still he shows me grace. Beautiful grace. What love is this that can show grace to a sinner like me? What love is this that could love, accept, and forgive me? A love that is divine. The love of God. And that fact that we humans have the ability to show this divine love is amazing. For one human to turn to another and love them, accept them, and forgive them when they’ve done nothing to deserve it, and much to not deserve it is a wondrous thing. I thank God for grace. I thank God for his awe inspiring grace, and I think him for creating us with grace built in us. I thank him for giving us the ability to show grace to one another. And I thank God for all the grace that has been shown to me.

I was lying in bed, about to go to sleep when I started thinking about grace, and I knew I needed to write about it before I forgot. But now I must sleep, good night!

In memory...The Chronicles of Chris blog description, March 3rd, 2005-December 9th, 2008

My blog description served me well for 3 years, telling the world who I am, and how awesome I am. But now it's time for change! A new description is needed for my new life! One including...girls? Maybe. Rambling? Probably. I haven't decided what it will say yet, I just know it will include an epic Tolstoy quote and will be a great description. But now here will lie my former blog description, may it rest in peace.

Blog Description-"The name says it all. This blog chronicles the life of the one and only Chris Clark, soldier in The Salvation Army and missionary kid. I am a missionary in Tallinn, Estonia. I say I'm a missionary because I am, I'm just in charge of youth. Well read the blog to find out more, Cya."

About Me-"I'm an American living in Estonia. My parents are the "official" missionaries, but I'm the one who does the real work. I'm eighteen and like 6 feet tall. You should read my blog for several reasons: A. I'm cool B. my blog's cool C. if you read my blog then you'll be cool too."

Finally, something to celebrate

As you may have noticed from my more whiny emo post I haven’t had the greatest semester as far as academics go. I’ve been averaging a C, which pretty much sucks. C for crap. C for crud. C for Chris-can’t-you-do-any-better? Well, apparently I can! I wrote a Bib. Lit. paper which I got %100 on because I basically rock. If every assignment at college was writing I’d have a total 4.0 GPA. Writing is what I do well, not test taking. And another cool thing happened, since I was doing better in Bib. Lit. my friend Jenny painted my nails black! Isn’t awesome? And then I had something totally amazing happen! Yes, more amazing than black nails! I had a psychology group project on homelessness and schizophrenia that I’d been worrying about forever. My group wasn’t the best. I’ll leave it at that, because more than enough people have heard me whine about this project. Communication was bad, and our presentation was supposed to be twenty minutes long. When we got together on the day of the presentation and ran through it we found that all the stuff that the other four people in the group had prepared came to a grand total of…six minutes. The presentation was supposed to be twenty. I had made my own PowerPoint presentation with a kind of case study about a homeless schizophrenic women we’d known when my parents were stationed in Chester, PA. that was supposed to last about five minutes. I figured that with five peoples and twenty minutes if we each contributed four minutes we’d be good. But no, all four of them together had six minutes, including a video and a skit. Wow, crappy situation. So my five minute thing became an eleven minute long presentation of awesomeness, covering a bunch of the information that should have been covered in the PowerPoint the other guy made. So I made our presentation work, thank God. I had been stressed out about it for so long. And then best part came at the end. The part I am now celebrating! Our group got an E-mail from our professor saying, “I thought Chris’s case study at the end of the presentation was the most well thought out and thorough aspect of your presentation. It actually did the most to clarify how schizophrenia might lead to homelessness – especially one with paranoid schizophrenia. This material was delivered “knowingly” and well. It helped to have the slides up there as Chris was talking us through it.” which made me so totally happy! I’m so glad he liked my awesomeness! And the best part came when I went on Synapse to check my grade and saw something amazing…I, who average a C…got a NINETY-FIVE!!! Wow! Yay! I’m thrilled and greatly encouraged. I’m not an idiot! I’m not a failure! This is just about the most exciting thing ever! Life just seems to be going so well at the moment. And I’m so full of hope and happiness. This is perfect.

Now, as I mentioned, I now have black nails. And last night I was considering dying my hair black. Why would I do these things? And why now? Am I emo? Am I depressed? (Sorry, redundant) Am I on drugs? None of the above really. I’ve just always wanted black hair and black nails! And now I can. But why am I now? Well, because I just want to. And other than that what I’m using for my excuse is college. College is a time when most guys experiment with girls. I think you know what I mean. But anyway, because I’m not into experimenting like that, instead I’m dying my hair and painting my nails! With girls! So that’s how I experiment with girls here at college. And I enjoy it a lot. Black nails are excellent. And when I grow my hair out some more just imagine how awesome it will be black! Yeah! I’m convinced this will be awesome!

But anyway, as you may have noticed I’m totally enjoying college. I feel like such a college student at the moment, and me explain my surroundings so you’ll understand why. I’m sitting in a car with my friend and neighbor Joe, my blog buddy and fellow hopeless romantic Dave, and Derek, my epic roommate. We’re on the way to church right now, but yesterday we did the same thing up to Olean to go shopping and we were playing Rihanna and rocking out and dancing. It was great! So, writing in a car while rocking out to Rihanna. It’s great. And now I’m writing on the way to church while listening to Vanessa Carlton’s, “A Thousand Miles”. It’s great. Again! Yeah! I’m loving college life. And now I’m both enjoying the fun bits and doing better academically. Life is good all the way around. And Christmas is coming up. I am quite happy. But now I should go, but aren’t you glad I blogged again? And aren’t you glad it’s happy?

Awesomely excellent article!

Couple practise what they preach: wait for 1st kiss until wedding

CHICAGO - Won't kiss on the first date? How about waiting until marriage?

Chicagoans Melody LaLuz and Claudaniel Fabien shared their first kiss Saturday at the altar.

The two teach abstinence at the city's public schools and practised what they preached to their teenage students.

The Chicago Tribune reports that the couple had never kissed and that they had never been alone together in a house.

A friend of LaLuz says wedding guests cheered and stomped during the two-minute smooch between the 28-year-old bride and the 30-year-old groom.

LaLuz and Fabien say they have no worries about how they will spend their honeymoon in the Bahamas.

http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/081129/K112904AU.html


I find it funny that this article is under, "oddities". I guess I am rather odd. But I like this idea! I just read this article and thought I'd share it, because I think it's pretty excellent. Oh yeah!

Happy Birthday Elizabeth!

It's my sister Elizabeth's 13th birthday today! Can you believe that? It's insane! 13? What a scary big number! She's a teenager! NOOOO!!!! But anyway, I love you Elizabeth, and I hope you have a very hapy birthday! I'm totally tagging you in this once it imports to FaceBook! Love you!

I think I should write a book! "Girls, the reason for existence! Plus, 10 reasons why I love girls."

Okay, so I'm not really writing a book. But if I'm supposed to write what I know then it would something like that. Because if there's one thing I know, it's wonderful, beautiful, amazing girls! But I'm sure that if you've read my blog at all, or if you know me, you've already heard my loving rants about girls. So I'll just leave you with this comic. Non Sequiter has been really good lately!

Oh, to be a writer...

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much. I've actually started working now, and am actually busy doing worthwhile things. But I think I could squeeze in a new post every now and then. I'd really like to. But anyway, being a writing major I really enjoyed this. Because I've had writer's block and found that the best cure is a break. We have beautiful snow here right now, and a good snow ball fight cures writer's block. But for now, I have different type of writer's block, and that is that I'm blocked from writing here because I need to write somewhere else. So I'm sorry, Cya! I'll write later! Really!

It’s hard to be the one with nothing…

I have a problem. And so do you now, because this post is pure complaining. So you probably shouldn’t read it. It’s just going to be me whining and moaning. I have a problem. I’m failing. I’m at Houghton College. And I’m failing. I don’t know what to do. Not true actually. I do know what to do. But I can’t. My greatest, or only, strength is also my greatest weakness. I look over my life and I look for places where I excel, where I do better, where I am worth something. Where I don’t fail. And that’s social life. I can make friends so easily. And I can have fun so easily. And I can enjoy it, and do well at it. But other than that I have nothing. I don’t music skill. I don’t have computer skills. I don’t have any sort of skill that’s useful in the workplace. And I most DEFINITELY don’t have any academic skill! I basically suck. I sound really emo and stupid right now, but I’m serious. I have nothing. So what should I do? I know. I should study hard. I should make this work. And I could! I know I could! That’s what makes this more frustrating! I know I could, but wouldn’t. I’m super-social. Pathologically so. I simply can’t not be social. I need it. And it means I get nothing done. And if I do work up the self-control to dump social stuff social stuff finds me. And I can’t say no. I’m having the time off my life here at Houghton…and I’m failing. I can’t exist like this. And I don’t know what to do. I’m trapped in myself. I don’t have the self control to change myself, and I’d much rather not change anyway. But I can’t fail. I can’t take the shame. I can’t take hating myself. But I don’t know what to do. I’m just stuck. And so now I’m fussing about it on my blog, and it will be imported to FaceBook, and everyone will read it and be all like, “No Chris, you’re not stupid. You’re not worthless. Bla bla bla.” Which will be nice in small way, but doesn’t fix anything. I’m still trapped. And I’m still failing. Why am I this way? Why am I my own worst enemy? I’m sick of it! But I can’t do anything else. I’m completely and deeply stuck. I don’t want to be stupid. But I am. And what makes it hardest is that I’m stupid by choice. Because I love people about a million times more than schoolwork. Whatever.

I’m sorry for fussing. I go forever with blogging and then when I finally do blog I’m just complaining about what an idiot I am. Yeah, I basically suck like that. I really don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to cry. Which is the stupidest thing I could say, but it’s true. I just want to scream, and punch, and run. And let out this immense frustration. But it wouldn’t fix much. So I let out with blogging. I hate reality. Realistic? Realistic? Why should I be realistic? Is reality there? Do I need to deal with it? I guess so…But I’d rather not. I can’t take this. I hate being a failure. But I am. And I don’t see a fix. Someday when I look back on my life, what will I see? Because today I see a failure. In a way I feel like King Midas. I can turn things to gold, I can make friendships, I can enjoy life. That’s gold. But what good does it do me if I can’t eat? And by eat I mean succeed where it matters. I’m trapped. And so I send out this whiny blog post which will make everyone pity and scorn me, and I will just sit and feel stupid again. What crap. I can make people love me and care about me, but I can’t do anything worthwhile with me life. The unbalance is sickening and saddening. I don’t know…what…to…do. So now I’ll post this, take some Tylenol for my headache, and go to work and put on my happy voice on the phone and try to get it done with fast. Then I’ll…Not know what I’m doing next. I could write one of the two papers due this week, or I could studying for the test tomorrow. But I’d probably just screw all that up, so whatever. I’ll get it done. And I’ll do my best. And my best will suck. Thus is my life. Anyway, I’m going now. Please don’t really worry about me. I’m not suicidal, I’m not seriously depressed. I just feel upset with myself and empty of anything good. It’ll come back though. I’ll probably still be failing, but I’ll get back an optimistic outlook eventually. And maybe I’ll even figure out a way of not failing. We’ll see. Cya.

Super Roth Bros. and facing off against temptation.

Lately I’ve been facing some really big temptation. There was one huge thing in particular that’s been really tempting me. And it was something I want SO BAD! So I thought about it. And I rationalized. And I gave in. But one thing saved me. October Break. During October Break I’ve been so sad because so many of my friends have left. And more specifically, all my girls had left! The only friends I had left were some of the guys on my floor who stayed. I was slightly saddened, but I’m tight with the guys on my floor, so we’ve been having a great time. And with the friends (and girls) left this particular temptation. I had rationalized why this was okay for me, okay in this case, why this wasn’t sin. Why this was good! I had so many reasons. So many rationalizations. But I still couldn’t convince myself. Even when I thought I was convinced I still had a nagging voice in the back of my head that I couldn’t shut up. And two final things convinced me. First of all, my Amaranth. Those of you who have been reading my blog for a long time know what I’m talking about. Someday it will be worth it, for my Amaranth. The second thing that convinced me is the brothers on my floor. Staying on my floor over October Break was Brian, Garrett, Steve and Dave (who actually didn’t stay for all of break). And being the Christian brothers that we are we’ve been chilling a lot together. Of course we’ve done the typical guy things, soccer on the quad and video games galore (we ARE the Super Smash Bros.!), but on the first day of October Break we were talking about what to do when Brian came up with a crazy idea. What do college students do over break? Do crazy, unhealthy things and party! But what do us crazy Houghton kids do? We were sitting at the table when Brian leaned forward and said, “Hey guys, let’s have a BIBLE STUDY!!” And yes, he was serious. So everyday over October Break we’ve gotten together, opened our Bibles to James and had some hardcore Bible study. We’ve been discussing James because it says some hard hitting and challenging things. And it’s been really good. We’ve had some great discussion, and it’s been a great time for us to bond.

So today I went to church, looked on the program and saw that I was down to give my testimony. I love it when I get surprises like that! So I quickly decided to talk about my brothers on my floor and Proverbs 27:17, which says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Which is basically what we’ve been doing. All of October Break I’d been kind of weighed down by this temptation that I was planning to give into, and I don’t think anyone has really noticed much. But my (non-biological) big sister Emily notices things. And she noticed I had something on my mind. So I was thinking about it as I gave my testimony and I realized something. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” I knew I was being tempted. And I knew that giving in was sin. But even then I didn’t know what to do. And then I remembered I have my way out. God has provided me with many ways out. Emily gave me a chance to confess that I was tempted and was needing to ask for help. That was a way out. Then there’s the guys on my floor, and my R.A., they’re my way out. So now I’m on my way back home and when I get back to my dorm, I’ll talk to the guys, and they’ll help me. I’m so glad God helps me out. And I’m so grateful I have these people here for me.

So anyway, please pray for me. Because I was badly tempted, and I still am tempted. But I have found a way out. Thank you for your prayers. Until next time, Cya!

What do I want to be when I grow up?

Well, lately I've been thinkg of changing my major. Right now I'm all majorly religious, being a religion major. But it just doesn't feel right. I don't really enjoy this type of stuff. It just doesn't feel like what I want to spend the next four years studying. So I've been considering changing my major. And what are my skills? What are my interests? Well, I considered trying to study girls. But I knew that I could never ever figure them out, so I'd just be wasting my time. Then I considered studying assasination, but that's not offered at Houghton. So now I've looked over my life and noticed something. I'm a good writer! People like my writing and I LOVE to write. And since coming to Houghton I haven't been able to do as much writing as I'd like. So I'm thinking of becoming a writing major. And because I still refuse to give up on that dream of understand women, and because I just really enjoy psychology, I'm thinking of becoming a psych minor.

So what do you think of that? A writing major and a psych minor. A major writer, and a minor psycho! Heck yeah! But anyway, now I must go. It's chapel time!

Between real life splinter cell and a new definition of “double dating”, Houghton rocks!

I just have to start out by saying that I’m sitting in the coffee shop, Java 101, listening to a live band. They just finished playing “Dancing Queen”. This is awesome. I feel like such a college student! I’m loving life her. But before I tell you how about how much I love life here, I need to tell you how much I miss life back home. I’ve been having trouble keeping in touch with my friends in Estonia. And I’d like to apologize. I love my friends in Estonia very much, but I’m just not good at keeping in touch. So I just want to say, I love you all and miss you all. I pray you’re doing well. I’m sorry I have so much trouble keeping in touch, but I think you guys know me well enough to know that it’s not because I don’t like you or something, it’s just because I’m far too easily distracted. Just look how long it’s taken me to blog! That should prove it to you! But anyway, now on to my blog post.

I’m sure you’re dying to know who those two stunning young ladies are, and how I got them to stand still long enough to take that picture. Well it’s a long and interesting story. And I know you want to hear it. So I’ll tell you. On my right is Anya, my MK sister from Indiana. On my left is Jenny, my cool sister from Maine. Anya and Jenny are roommates. They are also my good friends. Remember when I was being creepy about Lambein girls and cookies being two reasons life is worth living? Well, these are the Lambein girls that so enrich my life. One day I was hanging out with Anya and we were discussing the homecoming banquet and dance that was coming up, and somebody jokingly said that we should start looking for dates, because this was a date only event. So we came up with an idea. Asking one person would be awkward. But if one room to take another room it would eliminate all awkwardness. So we decided that Derek, my roommate, and I would take Anya and Jenny. And it would eliminate all the one on one awkwardness. So I go back home and propose this to Derek, and he awkwardly informs me that he’s already got himself a kind of date. So this left us with a predicament. Who would take Anya and Jenny to the dance? Well, being the ingenious lady’s man that I am I had a solution. I would just take both of them!

Yeah, yeah. I know this is so typical of the type of joke that I’d make. But I’m serious. I took 2 girls to the homecoming dance and banquet. But such wonderful women demand proper protocol be followed. This is the instructions I received:
“First, we must be officially and winningly asked. Second, on the night of the banquet, you must meet us at the front entrance of our dwelling place. Then, you must seat us and entertain us. Afterwards, you will need to safely return us to our home.”
Houghton girls know what they want! So at lunch the day before I “officially and winningly” asked them to accompany me and they graciously agreed. Then the next day I escorted them to the banquet, though I did forget to seat them, which made me feel slightly guilty. I did manage to entertain them though. We had some wonderful conversation during the banquet, and after the banquet was the dance. We went downstairs and I danced with Anya for a while, until we reached the point where the person leading the dance said we should start dipping the girl. Dip and drop are far too similar. We’d already been thinking of leaving early, so I escorted them home. I felt kind of bad I didn’t get to dance with Jenny, but she said she didn’t want to. But I’m still disappointed. Though I really enjoyed dancing with Anya. Anya and I were very well suited for dancing with each other for one simple reason. I stepped on her foot once and she stepped on my foot once. We were even. And also was just very enjoyable. I loved dancing to “Edelweiss”. It was loads of fun.

After escorting them home they changed and we hung out for a while talking and just chilling. It was loads of fun. Friends came and went eventually Anya went to watch a movie and Jenny and I went and walked around campus and eventually ended up hanging out in Big Al’s. Eventually I walked her home and then on the way back to my dorm I saw a fox, which was pretty cool. The next day there were no classes and I enjoyed celebrating the 125th anniversary of Houghton. Which was pretty cool, because during chapel that morning we learned all about Houghton’s history. Houghton is awesome. Just amazingly awesome. That night was a party on the quad, which I mostly missed, because first I was hanging out in Lambein, and then I was playing Murder in Chamberlain.

And now on to the second thing. Real life Splinter Cell! Murder is fun. Murder is like Mafia, only with running around and poking each other. It’s fun. But the best part is strategy and scaring people. Running around and hoping not to get killed isn’t the best strategy. Hiding in dark corners and jumping out and scaring people is fun and a good strategy. But my friend Chad and I decided to take that a step further. Earlier Chad had been showing me the awesome ways of killing people in the game Splinter Cell. It involves lots of sneaky stealth and coolness. So Chad and I decided that since we’re both working as secret agents we mind as well stealth around a bit. So we had loads of fun running around in the dark, having people walk by inches from us and not see us, despite the fact that they looked straight at us. It was great, watching each others back. We were totally stealthy. If we were secret agents, ninjas or assassins we’d do great. Especially if we were secret agent ninja assassins. It was great. Anyway, I’ve got a long enough blog post now, and I’m really enjoying my life as a college student, chilling in coffee shops writing. Life is amazing. Until next time, Cya!

Top secret communique from agent Clark encrypted to the readers of his blog.

That’s right. You knew it was true. All those times that I joked I was a secret agent I was serious! No joke. Why was I in Estonia? Undercover agent, top secret work. All that fun stuff. And now I shocked many by moving to America, and not only moving to America but moving to Houghton, which is 20 miles from the nearest sin for those of you who don’t know, and the nearest sin is in the middle of nowhere. So around here we have…trees. And that’s about it. So why would I be here? I’M A SECRET AGENT! It’s my mission! I’m here at Houghton doing a top secret, secret agent secret mission. It’s all very secret though. Besides walking around with sunglasses on and writing top secret communiqués, my mission is simple. And top secret. Okay, I’ll be seriousish for a minute. What am I really talking about? Did I mention I got a job? Well, I did! It was fun! All us freshmen were going to Letchworth park, which isn’t really the most exciting thing. At least not for me, because I’ve been there before. But it was exciting because when you spend half an hour stuck in a hot school bus with someone you’re bound to make friends. And I did. So I was happy about that. But what made me extremely happy was that on the bus somebody was advertising for the phonathon, trying to find people to work for them. It was perfect, because I’d been looking for a job for the last few days, so it was like a gift from God. Another gift from God was when they told me that to find out about the job I should E-mail Heather, who I actually knew from the TCK transition week. Heather just graduated, and her brother and sister, Stephen and Amy, are seniors at the academy, and all of them are TCKs from Slovakia! Yay! I love my fellow TCKs. And of all the TCKs, they’re some of the ones who I clicked with best, because since we’re both from Europe we actually have a lot in common, culturally and in what we’ve experienced.

So they’re some people I really enjoy. Though, since Heather has graduated (and since I’d feel kind of awkward hanging out with someone older than me) and Stephen and Amy are still in the academy, I don’t see much of them. But anyway, that was really cool. But I still wasn’t convinced that should be my job. The thing that finally convinced me was when I was looking through, “The Scoop”, the weekly online paper, and saw a wanted ad looking for 007s, and secret agents, and saying that this work was potentially dangerous, and some of their agents were missing in action and…it’s the MR6 Phonathon division of the Houghton Fund. It sounded so much more awesome, and now I knew I needed to sign up for the job. So I did. I E-mailed Heather and set up an on the phone interview, which I had to borrow my roommate’s phone for. The interview went well, though I was extremely nervous. But I got the job! I was so excited. And because I really want to prove to you that I’m a secret agent, here’s the message I received upon my acceptance in to the ranks of the MR6 division:

“Dear operative,

It is with greatest solemnity that the MR6 (Phonathon) Division of the Houghton Fund grants you top level security clearance. Furthermore, you have been selected by The Hill as a 007 Agent.
Pending your relocation to MR6 HQ, you will receive your personal operative name and mission. You report for duty on Wednesday, 3 September 2008 at 7pm. The location of this meeting will be transmitted separately at an undisclosed time.
Training will commence in the days thereafter.
Bon Courage,
~The Hill”

I knew I found the best job on campus. Next some of the more exciting stuff, the job training. Our first test: find the training! This was wicked fun. Rather than just telling us where to go we received an encrypted message. A riddle. The meeting was at 7, I started working on the riddle at 6. After walking through Paine Center and not finding it, I checked Luckey Building. There is where I found the hint to go to where I was SUPPOSED to have started, Chamberlain Center. Once I got there it was pretty easy to figure out, and I really enjoyed it. Though it was difficult, and it took me 45 minutes of walking around with my laptop out like some sort of secret agent…Oh yeah, I am a secret agent. But it was funny walking around with my laptop under my arm, trying to figure out this riddle. It turned out I wasn’t the first agent to leave early to leave time for mistakes, and so I got to spend some time meeting my fellow agents. That was fun. One nice surprise was that one of my fellow agents was a girl named Jenny, who turned out to be my friend Anya’s roommate! So that was cool, I love connections. And that was a cool one. I was also happy to see my friend Sarah, who’s from Kenya, was working with me too.

So as I’m sure you’ve guessed I’ve been having loads of fun with it. But let me explain my job, because I’m sure you’re all confused. I’m a secret agent? How is that possible? I’m a secret agent and just like in every spy movie I’m working with beautiful women? How is this not too good to be true? Well, I don’t know. It really is too good to be true. My job is an amazingly awesome job. We are the lucky few, we stand alone, invisible to all. No one knows what we do, we are the secret agents of the Houghton Fund. It is our job to call Alumni and friends of the college and ask for donations. It’s an excellent job. I got my first pledge last night! 5$! Very exciting. Though I really need to step it up a notch. I need to be able to compete with my fellow agents. And today I received my last piece of confirmation that this is my dream job. This morning I received an encoded message from The Hill with a question. I have been asked if I’d be willing to become a 007 Blogspotter, a dangerous job, but one that HQ thinks I might be good for. Really, who would think that I could write on a blog? Who’s crazy idea was that? I’m hoping my sarcasm is obvious. The idea of being able to do some writing really excites me. I have very little writing from my classes this semester, and every other kind of homework bores me, so I need the writing. I didn’t realize how much I really loved writing until I didn’t have time for it. That’s why I’m writing so much today. I’m just letting it out. I need this. So I’m extremely excited, pretty soon you will be able to read my writings on the Houghton Fund Phonathon blog as well. That will be a treat. But until then, I must go. I have writing to do for my one class that actually involves writing, Initiatives, a PE class! Oh the irony. Why can’t I just write?

This is agent Clark signing off, this message will self-destruct in 10 seconds, taking your computer with it. Have a nice day!

PANIC!!! Panic, panic, panic, panic.....

By the time any of you read this it'll probably be too late. Please pray for me. I'm PANICKING! PANIC! Yes, I know it says don't panic! BUT I AM! I have a Western Civ. test in half an hour. And I'm panicking. I need to find someone to sub for me today for work. And I'm panicking. I'll die. Please pray for me. I don't know what to do. SAVE ME! Please pray for me. I'm really panicky. And now I must go. Cya!

Wow, I could blog all night!

You know how when you put something off it seems to kind of pile up? Well, I’ve been putting off blogging and doing things like, you know, homework. Waste of time stuff like that. But now I’m finally going to blog. But I have so much to blog about. Where should I start? I would start at the beginning, but I don’t remember January 9th, 1990 very well. So instead I’ll just randomly tell you what’s been going on. I’ve had a cold. Lucky for me it hit full force during the weekend. My Saturday was mostly spent lying in bed coughing and blowing my nose while trying to nap. But I’d rather lose a Saturday than miss classes. I’m already barely keeping my head above the water as it is. So anyway, that’s made life pretty interesting. Though it’s showed me some of the things that I love about Houghton. Everybody keeps asking me how I’m feeling, and telling me to get better. On Saturday I was supposed to work, but since my job involves talking on the phone I wouldn’t really do that well. I had kind of lost my voice. So I ran around trying to find a sub, but couldn’t find anyone. Then I ran to work 5 minutes before I was supposed to start and pleaded my case to my supervisor. I was prepared to work if necessary, but I really didn’t want to. When I worked on Thursday I was already starting to lose my voice and I had a coughing fit near the end of one call. I felt really bad. But this is one of the things about Houghton. When I got off that call one of my co-workers just turned to me and said, “drink lots of water”. And when I was begging my supervisor I guess my desperation must have showed through, because she just smiled and said, “Chris, you don’t have to work. Just get better.” I was so grateful. As I left I could practically cry. I was just so overcome by grace.

That was good. And now, even though I said I could blog all night, I’m tired. So I’m going to bed. Goodnight. Please pray for me that I get better soon, because I’m really tired of coughing and I’ve gone through almost a whole box of tissues. Cya.

It's all Greek to me.

Well, I'm feeling pretty good. It's 11 P.M. and half an hour ago I finished my Greek homework, meaning that I'm done for the night. That felt good. I am now prepared for class tomorrow. Or at least as I'm prepared as I'll ever be. I'm not doing too well with Greek, it's hard. And it's so different from learning Estonian. I really learned Estonian mostly from speaking it and hearing it. Now I'm stuck learning I language I'll mostly be reading and can't really speak with anyone. And also I have to learn it from the book. I hate learning languages from books. I think it's a lot harder. But it's the only way I have to learn it. And already Greek is enriching my life. Full Metal Panic is one of my all time favorite animes EVER! And in Full Metal Panic there's the Lambda Driver, which does awesomely cool things. Now I have learned that "Lambda" is a Greek letter. And now I realize why I kept seeing that letter in the anime. Super cool. And also there's the Lambda class shuttle in star Wars. Lambda is now my favorite letter in any language. Λ λ Lambda. It's awesome. So anyway, I'm happy about Greek. It makes me smile. Someday I'll blog in Greek. I'll be all like, Χαιρεν, Χρις ΡΟΚΣ! Okay, so I threw in some English, but it's still cool.

Another cool thing here at college is Ruckus. ruckus.com is an awesome ad supported website where I can download music for free just because I'm a college student. when I was coming to college and thinking about college I already knew the first thing I would download from Ruckus. Bond. The awesome violinists. They are beyond amazing. They've convinced me of something. I want to marry a violinist. I was actually asked recently what I want in a wife, and because I was asked by a girl I avoided the question. But now I've been thinking about it. And besides being a an amazingly strong Christian with a passion for serving God, and having beautiful, long, dark hair and being able to sing and...the list goes on. I want a violinist. Now, I know that I'm probably freaking some of you out. I go to college and meet a whole bunch of girls and suddenly I'm saying I want to marry a dark haired singing violinist? Well, to be honest I've always said that. Not just recently. But just to put you all at ease, so far I've met no violinists, very few dark haired girls, and two singers. But both singers were guys. So no worries there. Anyway, I'm just loving Bond. Seriously. If you've never listened to Bond, do it. Now. GO! Listen to Bond, and you'll understand my love for violinists. Must be off now. I'm tired, and my bed is comfortable and warm, once I move some junk off it...

If I were to be the citizen of any nation, I'd want it to be procrastination!

Just wanted to share that with you. I don't think this works well as a life philosophy, so maybe I should try doing some hard work. Cya!

1. Social Life 2. Good Grades 3. Adequate Sleep. Pick two. (Welcome to College)

Wow, freaky. Two people sent me the same flair on the same day. Thank you Christine and Monica, for giving me a name for this post and also describing college life in simple words. It saves me some time. After sleeping through my alarm on Sunday I felt like an idiot. Now I just feel like a college student. I, of course, have picked my two. Social life and good grades are my two top priorities. Now that doesn’t mean I don’t sleep, it just means that I changed my definition of adequate sleep from 8 hours to 6. I actually would prefer to get back to 8 hours of sleep a night. Or at least 7. But at the moment I’m juggling friends, homework, and sleep. And I’m not doing as much of any of the three as I’d normally like. I’ve kind of learned, after that first week, that I need to make schoolwork my top priority, even though I enjoy friends more. I write that as my open Bib. Lit. book sits next to me waiting to be read. I think blogging is a high priority too, so I’m making time for it. FaceBook is not a priority, so I should be making less time for that. Anyway, I bet you all want to know about what I’ve been up to, so I’ll tell you. I’ve been up to crazy college things. I got a job! I’m working for the Houghton Fund, which will be super fun. One interesting thing that’s been happening here at college is my struggling with authority. No, not against authority. With authority. What to do with it. My boss is a TCK and I’m friends with her brother and sister and want to be friends with her too, but I feel weird because she’s my boss. Can I be friends with someone in authority over me? Same with my R.A., Alex, he’s awesome, and I’d definitely say he’s my friend, but I feel weird being friends with the people in authority. I’d like to be friends with professors too, but once again I feel so awkward. With all these people I feel that if I try to just be friends with them than I’m not showing them the proper respect. So that’s kind of a dilemma.

Anyway, that’s not a huge problem. I mean, I’ve barely even been here a week yet. But it’s been quite an interesting week. I have many different friends, a rather diverse group. So I pretty much always have someone to sit with at meals. Though that’s one other problem I have. I have too many friends. I’m used to hanging out with two or three people at a time, but now a group of like ten will be going around together. And I just can’t really handle that. The only positive to a big group like that is that when I feel too overwhelmed by it, I can slip off and no one will notice. I guess some people would say you can never have many friends, and I kind of agree. But I’d rather have two or three close friends that are like my best friends than have twenty people who I hang out with on and off. I’m going for quality over quantity. I’m weird like that. And though I do have more friends than I can handle, I would say I have a few who are closest, so I’m good. I’ve really been enjoying dorm life. As I said before, my R.A., Alex, is cool. He likes blasting movie soundtracks while he studies, so it gives our whole floor a really cool feel. And we’re all constantly turning to each other and going, “Which movie is this from?” which makes things really fun. I’ve got a whole bunch of really fun guys on my floor. And we all like music. So there’s always something fun playing, so if I leave my room, I don’t walk through the halls, I dance, sing, or air guitar my way through the halls.

So anyway, I’m enjoying myself. It’s hard to adjust to this new environment, but I’m doing it. I had a revelation regarding school work the other day. I went back to my room and saw that I had a half hour of free time until I had to go to dinner. So I went on FaceBook and all that and I still had more time, so I reached in to my drawer and pulled out my CD case, took out the Heroes of Might and Magic III & IV CD, opened my CD drive and…stopped. I realized something. I have half an hour of free time? No I don’t! Any time I have a free minute I can do school work. I put away the games and started on school work. And though that may seem obvious to you, it was a revelation to me. And I Revelation I needed. I hadn’t installed any games yet, but previously when I had a free minute I would waste it on FaceBook or something, because of course I need at least two hours free to able to do homework. Yeah right. I’m now trying to use my time better. And getting quite positive results. So I’m happy with that. And now I must be going. Because I do still have some school work to be done. So until later, Cya!

I am really angry! I am such an idiot! I'm going to smash my head against the wall! Repetitively! AGGHHH!!

I can't believe this. I slept through my alarm this morning. I'm really upset. Like extremely. By sleeping through my alarm I let so many people down. I let down my friend Monica who I was going to let borrow my Greek book. I let down my friend Emily who is president of SASF (Salvation Army Student Fellowship) and who was driving us. I was supposed to be there at 8:30. And then I let down my officers, the Maynors, and the whole rest of my corps, and everyone else in SASF. I'm so angry and upset with myself. I guess this means I can spend some time doing homework, but I'm actually really disapointed in myself. This doesn't normally happen. And now I'm worried. What if this happens tomorrow? What if I miss Greek? I can't screw up again. I never sleep through my alarm. I'm really quite angry with myself. Well, I'm going to start making up for things, one thing at a time. I'm going to meet Monica and give her the Greek book. I sent and E-mail to Emily apologizing. And I don't know what more I can do. I feel horrible. Well, I guess today's another homework day then. Please pray for me. I'm really upset about this. Cya later.

First week...Wow.

I'm sorry I can't think of a better title than that, but it's all I've got. Let me tell you a bit about my first week. I'd love to go in depth. I love to tell you all the little details. I'd love to name a whole bunch of people who are awesome friends. But I don't have time. Dinner is in 10 minutes. So I'll tell you the basics. There's two main reasons why I'm blogging. Failure and victory. This week they've kind of gone hand in hand. All week long I've been failing. Failing in my choices. I've been putting off schoolwork in order to do other things that are about a million times more fun. So last night I realized that I still hadn't finished all my homework for Greek, Biblical Literature and Introduction to Psychology. And all those classes were today. So last night, about 11pm I was almost ready to just break down and cry. I was about to give up. I didn't know what to do. I felt that I'd failed. I felt that I was a helpless little idiot with no hope of ever succeeding in college. I was afraid. Because I knew I couldn't just go to sleep. I wouldn't be able to sleep feeling like that. i had two options. Blog out my feelings and my surrender, or fight. Fighting didn't feel like a real option to me. I was tired. And I couldn't go on.

But I did. I stayed up until almost 2am. Last night I had failed. I felt helpless. I felt stupid. And I felt ready to give up. I had made my choices. I had chosen fun stuff over schoolwork. And now I was paying for it. I bore the responsibility. It was my fault. So I turned and I faced my failure. I looked it straight in it's ugly face. Then I picked up my laptop, and all my books. Having to take two trips. And I set up in the floor lounge. And so last night I taught myself the Greek alphabet and read enough Bib. Lit. and Psych. to get by in those classes. By the end of it I was tired. And I felt stupid. And I felt even more stupid in the morning. This morning I drank the fourth cup of coffee I've drank in the year 2008. I only drink coffee when I'm desperate. And it worked. The first half of Greek my brain was sluggish and I wasn't participating as well as I should have been. I wrote an E-mail to professor Tõniste apologizing for that. But after the coffee kicked in I made it through all my classes pretty well, then came back to the dorm for a half hour nap. That one half hour nap was enough to give me the energy for 2 hours of homework. Thank God. And thank God it's Friday. I need some rest. And I need to reward myself. I feel pretty good over all. I did something stupid. I failed. I made bad choices. But I got over that and came out okay. I'm not going to do it again. I learned a lot from this. And I still feel this was a victory, even though it came at the cost of failure.

So now let me just say one thing. If I get any E-mails from anyone telling me how disapointed thay are, I'm not going to read it. I'm going to delete it, and be violently angry, and most likely hit them next time I see them. I'm being very positive about this. this was a victory. This was a learning experience. Yet I still failed, and I know that. And I feel horrible. Like seriously angry with myself. I'm already yelling at myself for my stupid failure, so if anybody else does it I'm going to be angry. So just don't actually, it would probably be best just not to mention this. Don't E-mail me saying how great it is that I got over me screw up. Just leave it. Thank you. Now I'm off to dinner, and tonight is "Sinatra Under the Stars" with the Lambein girls, who are some of my favorite girls on campus, next to the Gillette girls of course. That is the reward I spoke of. So until next time, when I can blog more, Cya!

Hmmm, flowers and two hundred serenading boys? What is this?

This is Houghton College. You like that picture? I got tired of stealing pictures from girls, so I took this one myself. The morning mist looks pretty cool, so I went out and took this picture. But back to the flowers and serenading boys. Tonight Rothenbuhler, Lambein, Gillette and Shenawana dorms all had their annual hall meetings. I, being a proud Roth guy, was at the Roth meeting. Part way through our beloeved R.A.s ran out with flowers, disapearing mysteriously. We later found out they had given flowers to the Gillette and Lambein girls. Awesome. A very nice romantic gesture. Apparently the girls loved it. So I come back to my dorm and go on FaceBook and was surprised to see almost every girl's FaceBook status having something to do with being serenaded by Shen boys! No mention at all of flowers...Shen, our rival guy dorm, seems to have heard about our flowers and gone out in full force, roughly two hundred boys, serenading the girls. I can take pranks, I can take jokes and thinly veiled insults, but when girls get involved, it's personal. Not only am I extraordinarily jealous, I'm also slightly annoyed. I hate being upstaged. And as I said, I don't mind much of anything else anywhere else, but when it comes to girls...

So now I'm trying to formulate ways to be more romantic than the Shen guys. I know tomorrow I'm going to have some girls who, after reading this or my FaceBook status, will tell me how much they loved the flowers. But if I didn't bring it up they probably wouldn't even remember it. I feel that we Roth men have been outdone. And I don't like it. Hmmm, I'll have my chance. All the girls will see what us Roth men are made of. Just wait for the snow...We have plans. Those Shen boys will see. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm going to be extra good with the girls tomorrow. They're all going to be like, "Oh, those Roth MEN are awesome! They're so cute and funny and smart and caring and sensitive and manly and romantic and buff and..." and those girls are going to just keep on going. And then I'm going to ask what they think of Shen boys, "Shen? What's that?" And my victory will be complete. Dang, I'm jealous...

Okay, I hope you don't all think I'm too wierd now. You probably do though. But anyway, I must go now. You always used to complain that I'd write too long of posts, now I'm only have time/energy for short, bite-sized ones. So be happy. And someone please tell me how romantic and awesome I am...

P.S. Please note how I always says Roth MEN and Shen BOYS. ;-)

"But if you replace the shrew with a mushroom you get away from the whole point that it's a love story!"

Houghton is, in one word, awesome. Amazing. Wonderful. Beautiful. I'm so happy to be here. One example of why is that I'm always laughing, always smiling. An example of this is yesterday I had just finished a rather long Skype call with my parents back in Estonia and gone outside to find something interesting to do. I decided I would either find someone I knew and hang out with them or I would find a quiet tree and curl up under it with a book. So I ran into my friend Elisa and we played spit next to the quad for a while, which was awesomely fun. And as we were playing some guy walked past talking on the phone, and as he went past he said, "But if you replace the shrew with a mushroom you get away from the whole point that it's a love story!". How randomly awesome is that! It's so funny, and so crazy and just awesome. And it's just one tiny example of why I love this place.

This morning was excellent. I had two classes, Greek and Biblical Literature. The Greek Prof. is Estonian, so I got to speak in Estonian for the first time in almost a month. and then the Bib. Lit. Prof. (Abbrs. r. gd.) kept joking around and talked about The Salvation Army a little bit, which I thanked him for after class. So I'm very happy. and now I'm off to Introduction to Pscyhology (Intro Psych) at 1:00, so I'm happy. I hope to blog more later, but at the moment be happy with what you get. Though I really miss blogging. So I'm going to make a real effort to try to do more. But until later, Cya!

P.S. This wonderful picture was taken by my friend Abi, who I also didn't ask permission of before using this picture. Well, if she gets angry her and Anya can get a mob together and kill me for stealing pictures. Let's hope not...

College: Chapter One

I need to just start out by saying that I stole this title of this post from my friend Elisa, the picture from my friend Anya, and the impetus to actually write from my friend and roommate Derek. I saw Elisa's status on FaceBook and thought it was cool, so I used it. I don't think she'll mind. I was looking through Anya's pictures and was pleasantly surprised to see that she is an excellent photographer. Or photographess. Whatever. I didn't ask permision to use this picture, even though I really should of. Well, I will, and I'll just assume she won't hate me. And my roommate, Derek, has been reading my blog, and he kept saying I should blog. Well, knock and the door will be opened to you. I'm blogging. I've been doing really well since I got to college. The fact that I can list three friends at the beginning of a post shows how well I'm doing. And that's just three of them, there's more. But if I tried to name them all this post would start to resemble the genealogy of Jesus. Long and boring.

Anyway, I'm hungry and should be running off to breakfast soon, so I'll give you the abbreviated version. The TCK (Third Culture Kid) Transition Program was excellent. I made a lot of good friends there, and had a lot of. And now that the TCK program is over I'm trying to spend more time with SCKs (Single Culture Kids, a term I just invented) because I like to have lots of friends in lots of different groups. So I'm happy. Yesterday we went to Letchworth state park, the Grand Canyon of the East or something along those lines. It was pretty cool. And I got to hang out with a lot of people, so I'm happy. Though I still need to put the pictures on FaceBook. Now I'm off to breakfast and then "new student worship service", which actually kind of unnerves me because I don't think us new students should be worshipped. But whatever, I'll take it as it comes. So anyway, I really should go now, my stomach is whining for cafeteria sustenance. The food, by the way, is pretty good here. And also, well I'm doing "by the ways", I'm writing all of this on my brand spanking new Lenovo R61 super extra special awesome laptop from heaven. It came down in a ray of light, with angels flapping around it, guiding it slowly to Earth, where, through a divine power it found it's way to it's rightful owner, me. I think I'll name it Bob. No, Bob's an overly used name. Let's name it something better. Well, I'm not naming it right now, I'm going to breakfast, I'll try to write again soon, Cya!

What's the first thing we think of when we think about America? That's right. The flag. The American flag pants.

Well, I've been in America for a while now, and to be honest, it hasn't been that bad. Normally I go to America and I'm sickened, both physically and emotionally, by everything. But thanks to my super special awesome foresight I've been watching what, and how much, I eat so as to not make myself sick. And as far as emotionally sick? Well, I believe that 2 things saved me there. First of all I know there's A LOT of people praying for me. Like, more than I realize. So right now I just need to say thank you, I'm already over jetlag, I haven't made myself sick once AND I'm barely having any trouble with culture shock! That's one huge miracle! The other reason is that I think that spending the summer with the very American mission team (No, I'm not dissing you, I'm just calling you American) sort of immunized me or something. So most of the things that have "culture shocked" me have been more of the, "Hmmm, that's odd" variety rather than the, "OH MY GOD, THIS COUNTRY MAKES ME SICK!" variety. The biggest shock I've had so far was the revelation that it's not that people don't walk because they're lazy, it's because they can't! Everything seems to be set up to only support cars, not walking. And even if there were good places to walk, everything is so far away! And everything is huge! I was making plans with someone and I'd just been thinking I'd walk to meet them. The idea of a car entering the equation just never came into my mind. So I was shocked to realize that, no, I CANNOT walk everywhere. There is no tram. This country is designed to make you fat and lazy because of the way it takes away walking!

Wow, see, that shows how well I'm doing. Only one tiny little rant. The only other thing that really comes to mind is that there are flags everywhere. Years ago, when I livedin America I was in a creative writing class and we had some assignment. I don't remember what the assignment was, but I do remember that girl wrote an excellent, thought provoking paper about the flag. This was recently after 9/11 and she argued in her paper that because we were putting out so many flags that we were disrespecting the flag, I don't remember her whole arguement, because I never paid attention in writing class, (but something got through apparently, because my blog seems to have some half decent writing on it) but I'm starting to get it now. In Estonia I have two photo hobbies. I like taking pictures of the sky, sunsets especially, and I like taking pictures of the Estonian flag. Why? Well, because the sky is beautiful. But the flag because it's special to see an Estonian flag. We take out the flag for holidays. But they're not out all the time, so it makes the flag worth more. So I love the Estonian flag. But the American flag is everywhere, all the time. It loses what made it special. Do you see what I'm saying?

So that's one rant, one, "That's odd". I'm sure once I get to college I'll find more to rant about. To be honest, now that I'm sitting here blogging I'm starting to remember a few things I could rant about if I really wanted to. But I don't. I'd rather tell you what I've been up to lately. I'll start from the beginning. I left really early on Saturday, so early that I don't remember exactly what time. My plane took off like 6ish something. Anyway, I had a good trip. First a few hours over to Copenhagen, then an insane 5 hour layover there. But that layover actually wasn't that bad, I had a bag of peanuts in my bag and 3 episodes of, "Wait, wait. Don't tell me!" on my MP3 player. So I hunted down an empty bench (hint: if you're ever looking for an empy bench in an airport, find out if there's any construction going on. Chances are even if there's no noises from the construction, nobody will be sitting there!) lay back and worked through my snack and my podcasts. Then I read some more of Robin Hobb's, "Forest Mage" (hint: if you love to read, bringing an awesome 800+ page book is a great idea!)

Then I got on the plane and checked out the entertainment system. I'll be blunt. SAS's entertainment system sucks. KLM has the best entertainment system EVER! But sadly I was on an SAS flight. I enjoyed myself though. I watched several movies, "Be kind, rewind" which I honestly didn't think was that funny. I was REALLY disapointed. Come on Jack Black! Then, "Drillbit Taylor", which was pretty funny. Yay, Owen Wilson! I also watched some other stuff, I don't remember what though. I just remember a feeling of deep disapointment, because I watched, "Be kind, rewind" first. And I was angry because the stupid entrtainment system would not let me rewind! It was not kind! But whatever, now I know I should always try to fly KLM. Then I landed in Newark and got mugged by security. Not really, but mind as well have been. first I stood in a line for HALF AN HOUR, than I finally get to the desk hand the guy my passport and that stupid little security paper they make you fill out and he looks at me and in extremely bored voice says, "is that pencil?" So I had to go to THE BACK OF THE LINE and rewrite my stupid security paper again in pen. It asked questions like, "What did you buy while away from the U.S.?" only like HALF OF WHAT I OWN! Though I didn't put that. I left that blank. Then, are you bringing in more than 10,000 dollars? I wish! Geeze, those questions all irritate me. So anyway, that sucked. Security took forever. Then I couldn't find the carousal with my baggage. Then I finally did find it, but I did something stupid. I took my baggage off before making the blood sacrifice to summon the baggage cart (seriously, 3 bucks for a cart I'll use for 10 minutes? Those guys suck!) so I used my super human strengh to pick up 3 suitcases and my bag and run over to the carts. Run because if I didn't go fast I would have fallen over. I was literally carrying almost everything I own. So then I sacrificed my firstborn for a cart and then finally pushed my way to the back of ANOTHER HUGE LINE! I hate lines. Then I finally got through it all and went out to meet Uncle Billy, who was picking me up.

And ever since I've been with him, partying non-stop. And despite the fact that I've had tons of computer access I haven't wanted to blog because I'm on some sort of mini-laptop so typing is really awkward for me. But I realized that if I can go on FaceBook and write stupid comments than I can blog for you guys. And also someone asked me to. So I decided to give you this super long post so that nobody can ever complain that I don't blog enough. Anyway, so let me tell you what I've done this week. I got some super awesome sneakers. Like super extra cool. They're black. And they go on my feet. That's cool. And un-like my old sneakers, the bottom doesn't collapse! Yay! I also have gotten, from various places, all the bedding I need. So thank you to my Aunt Mary-Kay (Masha) and my Aunt Sylvia. And when I went to Maine, I just got back from Maine by the way, my Uncle Andy gave me a guitar! Uncle Andy must have some scheme about how when I'm a rockstar he'll be in my band or something. Because he's given me my first two guitars! I had to leave my old one in Estonia, but now I have a new one, so nothing can stop me from becoming a super rockstar! And believe it or not this guitar is tuned, despite living in a basement for a while. So I'm thrilled with that.

So, as I mentioned I just got back from Maine. I had loads of fun, I got to see pretty much everybody because we had a big party. It was so cool! And I was so happy to just be loved by so many people. That was special. My cousin Monica almost wouldn't let me leave, and my little 3 year old cousin Joann gave me a nice big hug and kiss. So anyway, now I'm back in New York, and I'm going to be traveling around tomorrow to see my Grandparents, and then Saturday I'm going to be meeting some Salvationist girls who are also going to Houghton. So that should be fun. I'll try not to be nervous. Oh, but before I go I have an intersting story and a caution to young travelers. Because I'm moving I am, of course, taking everything of importance with me. Including some glass stuff. Trust me, if you're traveling internationally you really shouldn't put your glass in your checked luggage, I swear the people at the airport smashed your suitcase with sledgehammers before launching it out of a cannon into the plane which then drops it, without a parachute, onto a concrete landing platform from an altitude of 3000 feet. And that's before they even take out the bulldozer! So anyway, I think you get it. Broken glass throughout my suitcase. Bad. Well, what made it worse was that I forgot about it, so as I was reaching for some clothes I sliced open the side of my pinky. Ouch, bloody.

So since I was alone and without bandaids I made a makeshift bandage out of a papertowel and one of those rubber wristbands. Still not nice. It's okay now, I mean, the doctor said I didn't really need that finger anyway, so amputation shouldn't be a problem. Just kidding. But then I was still faced with the task of cleaning up the glass. I didn't cut myself again but I did experience one of the oddest moments of my life. I never thought I would be shaking glass shards out of my underwear. So this is my advice to any of you traveling. Don't travel with glass. But if you must and breaks, be sure to shake out your underwear before you put it on. I don't want to even think about what could have happened had I not cut my finger, I wouldn't have felt the need to clean up the glass yet, would have gotten dressed the next day and...Thank God I cut my finger! See, I told you the prayer was working. God works in mysterious ways, but I honestly believe I had to get cut because if I hadn't I wouldn't have cleaned up and then I might have just as easily ended up cutting my wrist accidentally instead of my finger. So thank God. anyway, I really should be going now, I've got some traveling to do tomorrow. Cya!

Back to Tallinn, hooray!

Well, it’s been a while since I left Tallinn, like 2 whole days or something, but it feels like forever. I can’t wait to get back and post this post. That’s right. Once again I’m writing in the car. At the moment we’re in Lithuania, heading for the Latvian border. In a bit more than two hours we’ll be at the Estonian border, and from there about two hours to Tallinn. It’s going to be a late night. I guess not many people can say that they’ve been to three countries in three days, but I can see why. It’s a tiring trip! I much prefer air travel, statistically safer (according to Superman) and also much quicker and more comfortable. But my air travel will come on Saturday morning, as I head to America. I’ve sort of given up dreading it. I don’t know if my rambling “Wanderlust” post made any sense whatsoever, but that’s a part of it. I’ve allowed myself to be caught up in the thrill of traveling. And also, I know it’s going to happen, so why dread it? I could stop it if I wanted, going to college is my own doing. But I want to go. And Estonia, in all it’s glory, will still be here when I come back. The hard part now is the waiting. I know that once I’m on the plane, or in America, moving in, meeting friends, I’ll be fine. I know that, all bragging and sarcasm aside, once I’m put into a situation I can handle it, and usually handle it with more finesse than I would expect of myself. It’s just the waiting that sucks. The endless “what ifs” that march through my mind, trying to tear down my confidence and awaken my fear. But on the other hand I only have 4 full days left, then my life will be plunged into complete chaos, and there won’t be too much waiting involved. And now some of my further thoughts on the coming plunge…

Normally I have about a million “bungee cords” of support. Friends, family and just the comfort that comes from being somewhere familiar. Enough bungee cords to form an elaborate and beautiful safety net. I may have worries, fears and problems, but I know that I have all the help and support I need. Now I’m taking the biggest plunge of my life with only a few cords holding me. First and strongest and most precious, God. No matter what I do I will never lose his protection, and he will always love and care for me. Secondly, and not quite so reliable, I have myself. Allow me to tell you about two of my heroes, Indiana Jones and Han Solo. First of all they are both played by Harrison Ford, secondly they’re both great with the ladies. If that wasn’t enough to make them my heroes I don’t know what more I could want. But what are two things these two characters have in common other than these two things? One simple thing. Rogue’s luck. They’re both what could be defined as, “Rogues”, and I have always considered myself something of a rogue. Those who know me might agree with that title, or might not. But I definitely like that idea. And both of them seem to get by on luck quite a bit. “Never tell me the odds!” And though I don’t really believe in luck I do believe that things always seem to work out okay for me, some might call that luck, some might not. I just call it really cool. But I also like to call it “Rogue’s Luck” because that was an ability in “Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic”. So in some ways I feel I can count on myself and my own coolness, and my own intellect and abilities. And the third and final thing that I see as supporting me when I go to America is language! I might not know the culture, but I know the language. And though I’ve been told I have slight Canadian accent (weird) after surviving 4 years almost completely stranded in a foreign language environment anything done completely in English will be easy in comparison.

So, as you can see I’ve gained an extremely cocky confidence. But I’d rather be cocky then terrified. Anyway, I do have some other stuff to blog about, but nothing I want to do without internet access. I also would really like to blog about the situation between Russia and Georgia with South Ossetia, but having spent 4 years in a country bordering Russia that was illegally occupied by the Soviet Union for about 50 years, I can’t find much to say that isn’t horribly hateful towards Russians. But I will say one thing to President Bush who, according to BBC World News is “deeply concerned” about this. Russia and America are both major world powers. They both have more land and more firepower than most other countries. And they have one other thing in common. They both use military force, invading countries, when they shouldn’t. At least Russia has a less flimsy excuse than us. They’re “defending Russian citizens” rather than defending the people of Iraq (who made us in charge of defending smaller countries? Why is it our responsibility? A noble cause is no excuse for stupidity.) or trying to keep someone from using some nuculur, ah-hem, forgive me, nuclear missiles which are…where? Bush wants the Russians to pull out, well I’ve got one last thing to say. Matthew 7:3 and 4 says, “You can see the speck in your friend's eye, but you don't notice the log in your own eye. How can you say, "My friend, let me take the speck out of your eye," when you don't see the log in your own eye?” look to your own troops, and your own wrong invasion first, then talk to Putin.

Now I’m sure I upset some of my readers, because I know that some of my readers are pro-Bush, well, you know what? Too bad. I’m sorry if I upset anyone, but Russia attacking Georgia is wrong, and the world is shocked. And America attacking Iraq was wrong, and the world was shocked. Remember “freedom fries”? Anyway, I’ve managed to both come across as sickeningly cocky and upset tons of Republicans all in one post! I should feel so proud. What a liberal rogue I am. I hope you don’t all hate me too much. I normally try to steer clear of politics, because I know that it’s a great way to make enemies fast, but I really am upset about both Georgia and Iraq. War is wrong. Killing is wrong. There is no such thing as a just war. So JUST STOP! I’m off now, time to listen to something on my MP3 player. Maybe some NightWish, maybe some NPR. Until later, Cya!

P.S. If I really did upset anyone please don’t write me spiteful and angry comments. I prefer my liquid hatred to drip in my E-mail, where only I see it. Anyway, hope I didn’t lose any readers!

The Wanderlust is rising…

Tallinn, Riga, Vilnius, New York. Most people don’t get to see all four in a lifetime. I get to see all four in a week! As you all know I haven’t been terribly excited about leaving Estonia. It’s not something I’m all that happy about. I’d much rather have Houghton magically transported to Estonia and take the place of, like, Saku or something. Then I could go away to college in English, study what I want, yet still live in Estonia and be able to visit Tallinn as much as I want. That would be ideal. But thank God I don’t have that kind of power, or else I’d end up rearranging the whole globe. I wouldn’t mind moving Vancouver and Australia closer to me. But anyway, this last week before I leave is vacation. And I’m making it my own brand of R & R. Some would say I should just sit, rest and read. And go on Facebook of course. But no. I know that there is only one way that I can make this move. I must awaken…the Wanderlust! I believe that I’ve blogged about the Wanderlust before, and I had internet access at the moment I’d see what I’ve said before and also look up the lyrics to two NightWish songs. But since I have no internet at the moment (I’m typing this on my dad’s laptop as we drive from Riga, Latvia to Vilnius, Lithuania) I’ll just listen to the NightWish songs and trust my own hearing and also trust that I won’t be too redundant of anything I’ve said before.

Now, back to the Wanderlust. What is the Wanderlust, you ask? It is an awesome NightWish song, though it’s from back when Tarja was singing so I can’t completely understand the lyrics due to her Finnish accent. But I’ve looked up the lyrics before, and I know that what I don’t understand is just as cool as what I do. But that’s not really the Wanderlust I’m talking about. That’s just a song. I’m talking about something deeper. I’m talking about the all consuming desire to travel. The need to see new things. To have new surroundings. To breath new air, eat new food, smell new smells. “I want to see where the sirens sing, hear how the wolves howl…dance in the fields of coral…discover the deepest jungle, I want to find the secret path…it is the journey that matters…call of the wild in me forever, and ever and ever! Wanderlust!” that’s some of NightWishe’s Wanderlust. And though I must admit they seem to be more about getting out into nature, I see it more as finding new things and discovering the world. So what am I getting at here? Quoting NightWish and raving about my desire to have new adventures, do I have a point here? Possibly. Probably. Definitely. Ready? Time for some more NightWish quotes…

“Wayfarer, heartlander!” Curse Tarja’s accent! I know this song has really cool words, I just can’t remember them or understand them! But whatever. The name of the song is enough. Plus those two understandable words from the chorus. I know that some of you noticed that on Friday night my FaceBook status was, “Chris has seven days left in his heartland” When Keit saw that she asked me (Via MSN), “’Heartland’ Chris, do you really love Estonia that much?” My answer, of course, was a resounding, “YES” Why is this my heartland? Allow me to explain. I have come to realize and accept that no country will ever be my, “Homeland” growing up in America and speaking English will always make me a foreigner in Estonia, yet spending my teenage years in Estonia, completely cut off from, and not caring about, American culture has and will make me feel like a foreigner in my official, documented “Homeland” See, I’m stuck. Therefore, since I don’t have the luxury of an Earthly homeland, I claim the luxury of choosing an Earthly heartland. That is, Estonia. It has no true meaning to anyone other than myself, but Estonia is my heartland.

Anyway, I have internet now (yay!) and looked up “The Wayfarer” lyrics. I knew there was something cool. “Home is where the way is, my road goes on forever, one more voyage to go” well, that seems true. I feel very much at home in an airport. More than most other places. So, home is where the way is, and I know my road will go on before me for the rest of my life. Such interesting things. Sometimes I get the feeling that I’ve just blogged and no one even gets what I’m talking about, this is one of those times. Anyway, here’s a little summary. To go to America I’m going to need some inspiration and motivation. And what motivates and inspires me? Travel and adventure, two synonymous words that would be in my version of that “These are a few of my favorite things” song from the Sound of Music. So by traveling through two countries, one of which I’ve never been to before, I am igniting an immense Wanderlust, a desire for change. And I will ride the wave of this Wanderlust until I am safely settled in America. Because I know that I am embarking on the biggest adventure of my life, and so rather than fear and worry about it, I’m deciding to enjoy the ride and jump in head first! I love to travel! Here’s a little of what I’ve seen traveling so far…

That's right, today I saw...Akatsuki! There were four of them, and traveling with them was..Sasuke! Super funky plot twist! There was also some chick with cat ears and a tail coming out from under her skirt. That was odd. It's like that fillr with the fish girl. Wierd. Anyway, when I saw them I was about to drop into a ready battle position, ready to fight them to the death because they're so nastily evil, but then I decided I'd rather just laugh. Teenage girls are always so funny when they cosplay as guys. I only recognized Deidara and Itachi, but the fact that an extremely girly Sasuke was traveling with them still made me laugh. Just think about it. I, an American, watch Naruto in Estonia, in Japanese, with English subtitles. Then I come to Lithuania and run into a group of girls cosplaying Akatsuki. It's funny. I LOVE TRAVELING! THE WANDERLUST HAS TAKEN HOLD! Now I must be off. The world awaits! Good night!

To Riga I will go...

Well, I haven't blogged in a while. That's sad. I know you all are dying without me. The world just seems so empty without a new into-the-void epistle from me. So I thought I'd shoot out a short one, as a special gift for all my fans. And especially for Lisa and Keit, who have both requested that I blog. Last week I was at music camp and now I'm off to Riga. Sorry I can;t blog more, but my mom is yelling for us to get in the car. I'll blog more before I leave Estonia! Cya!

Abstinence, something I've been wanting to blog about for a while.

A few months I heard the statistic that 1 in 4 teenage girls in America has a sexual transmitted deisease. When I heard that I really wanted to blog and say something about it. But I couldn't really think of anything to that wouldn't come out the wrong way. But today I just had a conversation on MSN that prompted me to write this post that I've been wanting to write for a while. (I'm sorry, I know you're groaning and going "Why Chris? Why did I have to talk to you?") It has come to my attention over the last 18 years that one of the most popular things on Earth to talk about, think about, watch, and take part in is sex. Why? Well, if you can't answer that yourself you're too young to be reading this. I know that pretty much anything I can say on the subject will just be background noise. There is so much writing on abstinence out there. And I really have nothing new to say. Abstinence is the only 100% certain way of not getting any STDs, or getting yourself or someone else pregnant.

Yeah, I know, I know. "But what about other birth control? Ever heard of a condom?" Yes I have. But even if you have perfect protection, there are some things that can't be guarded against.You can't just have sex and not feel anything. Heck, it's all about the FEELING! And unless you've lost you're humanity along with your virginity, you'll feel things other than physical. There's emotion tied in there too. And face it, you can tell yourself all you want that it's okay, you love each other, you're going to get married anyway. (P.S. There's a certain two people who may think I'm refering to them. I'm not.) But in most cases you know that's not true. And if you're "going to get married anyway" and you "love each other" then you should love each other enough to be able to wait until you "get married anyway". Back to the feelings. Sex creates a spiritual and emotional bond. So does marriage. And if you think about it, having one without the other can kind of cause an imbalance. Sex is for a few minutes, if that. Marriage is for a lifetime. If you go and bond yourself with someone, but don't have that double bonding of marriage, you're opening yourself up to a load of potential hurt. The amount of long lasting hurt is not worth the short lasting pleasure. Please don't take the risk. Lives are destroyed everyday. One night, 3 lives messed up. And that's just counting those physically and intimately involved. I didn't even mention families. Friends. Communities.

It's not worth it. When I hear the statistic "1 in 4 teen girls has an STD" I'm just sickened. I walk down the street. I look at my friends. I count. "1, 2, 3, STD" I pray not. Because if 1 in 4 has an STD, does that mean that only 1 in 4 is a virgin? Or 1 in 8. Or 1 in 100. I hear that and I feel so hopeless. What does that mean for me? A guy praying for a pure wife. Definitely not deserving of one, but praying all the same. My heart just tears. And if 1 in 4 girls had an STD, I'm assuming there's some guys involved somewhere. The world is over run. Lust rules the world. So basically, this post is a militant call to prayer. This is me crying out my frustration at living in a fallen world. But I know there's still hope. And God is that hope. He is the only hope. So please pray with me. I don't know what to pray. Just pray. Thanks once again for reading my ramblings.

(P.S. Let me reiterate that this post is not a personal attack on anyone. It's just some stuff that's been on my heart to write.)

A not so modest proposal...

Kerli Kõiv, ma armastan sind. Ma tean kus on Eestimaa. Ma elan siin. Sina oled täitsa lahe tibu. Tahab abieluks saada? Ma saan ole sinu mees kui sina oled mu naine. Kas oled nõus? Palun saada mulle Email:chrisjohnclark@juno.com, või räägime MSN'is:kurisu_dude@yahoo.com. Või lihtsalt kirjuta mulle üks vääke komment siin bloggis. Ma palun sind! ;-P KSV, armastan sind kallis. Räägime hiljem!

Sorry English speakers. I just had to take a second to propose to Kerli. She should be writing to me soon telling me how much she loves me, and then we'll get married. I'll be like, "Teeme lapse...vanker" and she'll be like, "Lähme voodi...Taha peitu" and then I'll be all like, "Ma armastan sind...kividega loppida". It'll be so romantic. Sorry again for those of you who are not Estonian, but this just needs to be written. Anyway, yes, I know I have better things to blog about. In fact I owe someone a blog post. And then there's that other post I've been wanting to write. And then...I'm lazy! Sorry. Well, the last few nights i've been too busy, uh, sleeping to blog. But I will give this post some unrivaled time to sit and then post some new stuff tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm sure all of my many screaming female fans are all dying to know who Kerli is. Well, go check her out at http://www.myspace.com/kerlimusic, or www.kerlimusic.com. She's the new famous person I want to marry. Forget Amy Lee. Forget Hayley Williams. It's Kerli! Yeah, I know. It'll never work out. Me, the dark and insane American Christian, end up with the blond, kinda Gothy Estonian singer? Whatever. A guy can hope, right? I say that about every girl. Well, I'm off now. I'm going to visit junior soldier camp with the mission team tomorrow. That should be fun. But now I'm tired, good night!

Whoa! Dude! Like, life is freaking out, yo! Totally, man! Dang, I'm using a lot of slang, homey!

Why am I using so much slang? I mean, I'm sho' yo ain't not used to me laying it down like that. Usually. But I'm freaked out at the moment. FREAKED. OUT. I have no better way of describing how I'm feeling. I'm like freaking. Why? Well, I just got an E-mail from the nice people at Houghton College telling some interesting info. What is this info? I just found out my room number and roommate! AWESOME! SWEET! FREAKADELIC! LIKE, TOTALLY, FLIPPING SWEET, YO! So, since I'm nice, I'll share that info with you too. That way you know which room to bomb and who to pay to smother me in my sleep. I will be living...
In Rothenbuhler Hall, room 216 with my roommate...
Derek Schwabe!
Don't ask me how to pronouce the last name. I don't know yet. And everytime I type it I leave out the C by accident. And I know that I will inevitably mispronounce it the first 5 million times. I don't really know anything about him yet. I added him on FaceBook, so we should be able to start talking soon. And hopefully by the time we get to Houghton we'll hate each other so much that we'll save ourselves time figuring that out once we get there. Or not. To be perfectly honest I can't see anything to indicate why we were put together. In my 3 second google stalk I found this:
http://wantagetwp.com/community/
which makes him sound totally awesome. So I wonder, what makes someone so awesome get stuck with me? Punishment?

So now I must wonder. Does he like the same music? Is he an avid gamer? Is he an insanely radical Christian? Is he a great writer? Does he have a great sense of humor? I just don't know. It seems he doesn't have a blog, so I can't find out about him there. But I did a quick check, if you google "Chris Clark Houghton" I'm the first thing that comes up. So if he stalks the same way I do he should be reading this post. So yeah, I'm freaked out. But anyway. I don't have much more I can say for now. Just do me a favor and pray for me, because I'm sure to screw up every first impression I make. And I also kind of worry that when Derek does his stalking of me and can't find anything but moderately funny and overly emo blog posts he'll be like "Yuck, why'd I get stuck with the MK nerd?" But whatever! I must be off now. I'm bouncing off the walls! That's a great Sugarcult song by the way. Anyway, Cya! Must be off to do some crazy celebratory dancing!

"Dude, it's totally been forever. You better have a REALLY good excuse!"

Life...Uh, yeah. That's my really good excuse. Do I need a better one? I can't take a break to write a blog post. I've got too much going on. Well, that's not completely true. That's actually only one of my many excuses. One of my biggest excuses is the death of my laptop. I'm still in mourning over that useless hunk of crap. Once upon a time I'd go into my room, sit on my bed, fold my legs, set down my laptop and blog my heart out. But now, I go in my room, sit on my bed, fold my legs, reach for my laptop, and then remember that it's dead. Then I just sit, looking in my mirror and feeling empty. It's quite difficult living without an outlet for my emotions. I actually do a heck of a lot more writing than anybody realizes. Or at least I used to, before my laptop got slaughtered. But now my deep and profound thoughts and triumphs and defeats just cease to exist, rather than getting written down. It's very sad. And I don't like it. But I got so into the habit of blogging on my laptop that I have to remind myself that there's other places to blog. Like here! So now, lucky you, you get a new blog post!

Yeah, like, a totally new blog post. Isn't that awesome? Okay, now I'm going to give you the honest reason of why I haven't blogged. I've been working under the "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all" philosophy for over a week now. And I haven't had anything nice to say. I have some, but I have so much negativity that I knew that if I tried to just give you the little bit of niceness, I'd end up spilling some nastiness on you too. This post has no point, neither nice or nasty, only a little bit of autobiographical writing. Because I need to let it out every now and then. The biggest things that have been going on in my life are A. My graduation and preparation for moving to Houghton and, B. The arrival of the 8 Hands On Mission Team girls. Of course anyone who knows me well will know why this has cause piles of not niceness. For those of you who don't know I'll explain. The fact that I've graduated brings the reality of leaving Estonia and moving to college much closer to home. And the 8 Mission Team girls just cement in my mind the fact that I'm para-jumping into a culture far more foreign to me than Estonia.

My passport country may be the United Staes of Whatever, but only a rare few are allowed to choose their passport country. And I'm not one of them. I carry a certain loathing...No, can't say that. That'll offend people. I carry a certain hatred...No, no. That'll get me abducted and waterboarded. I carry a certain...anti-love for my country of origin. Where as I absolutely love my HOME country of Estonia. I know so many people are schocked when they hear me say this. But it's true. I honestly don't know what I'll do when I leave. It's very difficult for me. So I sit and listen to My Chemical Romance and The Used. And be all emo. Change is very difficult for me. I've gotten used to my world being shaken up and turned upside down every few years. The longest I've ever lived in one place is 4 years. And those 4 years were hear in Estonia. But being used to something you hate doesn't make it much easier. In fact I think I probably hate change more than most people because I've experienced it so much. But it always seems that I leave just when everything is perfect. Why? I don't know. I don't choose when I move. Every move in my life has been decided by someone else. Except for this last move to Houghton. And that still wasn't chosen by me. My choice would be to sit and play video games with my friends until I'm old and gray, and never amount to anything. I'd be happy with that. But when you give you life to God, you give your whole life. Ugh. Now it sounds like I'm moaning about God. I'm not. I'm going to move on and blog about other things now...

Anyway. The mission team is here. That's...interesting. I've got some positive and some negative about them. But I'll just share the positive. We have 8 girls here: Mhairi Smeaton, Jennifer Coffill, Valerie Hartshorn, Christine Kelly, Kelly Marie, Olivia Munn, Franyfe Pena and Albeta Rakestraw. They're an interesting and diverse group of people. I'm actually surprised at how well they're doing together. Whenever I get dropped into a group that size I always end up fighting with someone. Maybe that's why there's no guys on the team. I was actually kind of upset when I learned that there would be no guys on the team. It leaves things rather unbalanced. But no amount of fussing by me will get us some strong Christian guys. And that's one of the great things about these 8 girls. As far as I can see they all seem extremely sincere. They might also seem like bumbling idiots at times, but at least they're sincere. I'd rather have 1 sincere idiot than 8 fake geniuses. And I got 8 sincere people. Of course I've got my favorites and, um, anti-favorites. But I notice that they have too. Some seem to like me. And some...not so much. And some even seem to be head over heels...Creepy. What kind of aerobics are they doing?

So anyway, I just got back from Tartu with them, where I was guide and occasional translater. It was my first chance to get to know them. And they confirmed one thing for me. If nothing else, they are all very American. It was an interesting time in Tartu. I hate going to Tartu. I have so many memories there. And so many of them bad. And the good ones are all pretty much soured by the bad. Just when I think my past is fully behind me I realize I'm wrong. Blogging about this compelled me to search for an old picture on my blog. And at one point in time this picture maybe me smile. Later it made me sick. Now I suddenly feel very cold and slightly light headed. It's difficult. So anyway. Yeah. I shouldn't have gone and looked up that picture. I completely lost what I was thinking about. But whatver. I've written enough for now anyway. Cya!